Skip to main content


Showing posts from June, 2009

Conversations with JJ

My horrorfest was pretty good. I watched Psycho, Halloween 1-4 (Three sucked!), and Nightmare on Elm Street. I know that I went old school. And just for kicks, I watched the original Prom Night. This was the first horror that I ever saw and it scared the living daylights out of me. I can still remember the rush of watching my first horror movie and the nightmares that I had for days afterwards. Some movies still scare me and most don't but I still watch them.

I love my conversations with my son. The mind of a three-year-old is an amazing thing. He made up his own knock knock joke.

JJ—Knock, Knock.
Me—Who’s there?
Me—JJ who?
JJ—Your son, silly!

Most grownups can’t tell a knock, knock joke. Yesterday evening, we sat on the steps at our house eating popsicles, watching the vehicles drive on the road and discuss things. Why do fireflies light up? Where does the sun go at night? He is so full of curiosity and wonder. I hope he never loses this. He’s a great kid who knows that his mommy…

It is sooooo hot and humid!

This is hard to explain to a three-year-old who wants to go to the park. In his mind, it’s sunny. Little kids ignore humidity or just don’t care. Thank goodness for indoor play lands, they are a lifesaver—at least for now. Welcome to summer in the south.

I did laundry yesterday. Let me tell you that a Laundromat and a 90-degree day don’t mix. I love doing laundry. It’s relaxing and I am pretty social there. I’ve had some pretty good conversations there. Yesterday, I chatted with a lady about Michael Jackson and SC governor Mark Sanford. My hubby and I do our laundry separate. We like different detergents and have different ways of washing clothes. I wash mine and JJ’s. My husband loves button down long sleeved shirts even in hot weather. He has a ton of them thanks to sales and Goodwill. As a courtesy, I wash and iron them for him. He believes in the hang them up and the wrinkles will fall out philosophy. This does not work so he wears them wrinkled. He hates to iron. I love to iron. …

Deaths are always sad

It was so sad to hear on the same day that two celebrities died--Micheal Jackson and Farrah Fawcett. On my list of my favorite cds--Thriller has always been in the top five. In the safe confines of my room, I can do a pretty decent with the song, Billie Jean. And Beat It is also a fave. The man had some good music.

Farrah Fawcett has always reminded me of my mom. They both seem to have the same free spirit. I can't explain it but there are some similarities there.

I got my car back in time to cover a Relay for Life wrap up, which was very good. They raised a lot of money for cancer research. Yesterday was a pretty decent food day. At the event, they had hamburgers. I am not a real big beef eater. I ate half of it. And afterwards, I headed to Sonic for some corn dogs and tater tots. I know it wasn't healthy but it sure was gooooooood!

My brother-in-law's wife had a baby born. There was a scare because during her c-section they found that some of the fecal matter got inside t…

What's a girl to do without a car?

It is so good to be back. I did something major. I changed my room around the way that I wanted it. When we moved into this house a year ago, I thought I would find a job and move away. This is not happening. I have made peace with it. So I changed my room around and have started the unpacking process.

All of this unstructured time due to lack of car, which is being repaired, was interesting. I had options. I could have gone with my hubby and son while he sold fire crackers. During the Fourth of July and Christmas/New Year’s, my hubby and a friend open a firecracker stand. For me, fire cracker season is two weeks of peace and quiet. I can eat what I want, where I want and hogged the remote. I could have hung out with my in-laws. I decided instead to work on the house instead and have some solitude.

The room looks great. I still have many boxes and totes to go through. In addition to my room, I unpacked JJ’s toys from my in-laws’ house. Some I tossed and others I shelved. I even set…

I need to move on

Yesterday, I had a day filled with mixed emotions. I covered a county council meeting that got the writing juices flowing. Then I found out my car has some sort of electrical system problem that cost $400. The mechanic, a friend of my hubby's, said I can drive it minimally to assignments and back home while I save up the funds. He was sweet and didn't charge me for the diagnosis. He said he knows I got a lot of stuff going on.

The best part of yesterday was that my former boss, now good friend, and another guy I used worked with came down from Pickle Land for a comic book convention nearby. We meet them and went to this hole in the wall that serves excellent wings. Along with my son and hubby, we had a good time filled with good conversation and food. Lots of food. There hot wings, terkayi wings, bacon/cheese fries, cheese ball, raw fris and onion rings. It was a great meal. I set a new wings record of eating 12 in one sitting along with tons of onion rings. I included some pic…

Being back in the game

Yesterday and this morning has been great. I got to do what I love--being a reporter. The banquet last night was night. In the past, whenever I covered banquets or any event involving food. I never really ate. I would say that I ate before or get a small portion.

This has changed. Last night, I had chicken breast with broccoli and cheese casserole, lima beans and macaroni and cheese. It was delicious. For dessert, I had the best lemon creme cake ever. I realized while driving home that I didn't stress about the meal. This is a odd feeling to eat without feeling guilty.

The county meeting was great. They actually had a verbal tussle and I was the only reporter there. After the meeting, I met the editor and publisher of the paper. The publisher wanted to meet the lady "who was writing such excellent articles." She pointed that I was a rare find in the newspaper world. I wish they were able to afford to hire me but there is no use moaning about this. I am just so glad to be …

List making keeps the demon away

For most of my life, I have had lists. I keep a list of all the books I want to read. I keep a list of the magazines I get each month. I have notes full of story ideas with list to keep them in order. These lists calm me when things are out of control.

Once for a brief time, I kept a list of things I ate in a day. This is the only list that has ever made me more anxious. Lists have been the key for my survival through the years. Last August, I made a list of why I should live. These things I have a list called Things I must do to make it through each day. I found it in my journal last night. I made it on New Year's Eve. Here it is with explanations about the items

Things I Must do to Make it Through Each Day

1. Wake up each day by 10 am.--This is so I want sleep the day away.
2. Bathe and get dressed.--This is so I will not stay in my pajamas.
3. Each something.--I usually eat cereal, cheese toast or something.
4. Prepare a list of things to accomplish for each day.
5. Go to the library …

Feeling good!!!!

Wednesday is group therapy day. In order to get my meds, I have to go to group therapy. I went with the depression group. They are really nice folks with some serious problems. Each meeting at the beginning, someone usually is singled out for positive reinforcement type stuff. Today it was me. They had talked among themselves to figure out the best way to say they are impressed with my weight gain. One guy said that when I first started the group back in mid-January that he thought I looked like a meth addict. He said, “Chick you know how to fill some jeans out.” Instead of feeling anxious or self conscious, I felt good.

The theme today was how some people were put in your life for a reason—good or bad. My example was my hubby. For the longest time, he was the only person in my life who would talk to me about my ED. Others were either scared or confused about what to do. Even past boyfriends chose to ignore my ED for fear of angering me. My hubby said he figured hate him but at least y…

A late start

I have an economic development board meeting tonight so all of us slept in today. My hubby didn't sleep well last night. I think it's the sinus infection, antibotic and the allergy medicine all working together. I slept like a baby. Once I take my meds, I am pretty much out. Plus my meds make me have vivid dreams. Last night, I dreamed I was about to graduate from high school. And not the high school I graduated from in real life but a "Gossip Girl" type place. It was a weird but nice dream. I awoke to my husband screaming to a chef on tv about a crappy looking risotto he was making.

Here's the thing--Since I have been unemployed, I have become accustomed to the house in the mornings have either James Edward and I or just me. JJ is with my husband's niece this week. My hubby, who is starting to feel better, messed up my morning routine. Usually, I wake up about 9:50 a.m., I eat a few slices of cheese while I wait for Dr. Phil to come on. My hubby hates Dr. Phi…

Mondays are still never dull

My hubby has been sick for a week. He finally went to the doctor this morning. A nasty sinus infection. So he is on the couch in the living room on antibotics and allergy medicine--all prescribed. He is loopy and sleepy. So there was no grass cutting. He is allergic to fresh cut grass.

So I am on a mission to find juice and soup plus find out if Earth, Wind and Fire has another concert in the area soon. My mom has caught the concert bug. This is shaping up to be a busy week. I am embracing life as a freelancer. I had the last of the fish sticks and mac and cheese for lunch. Brought a real nice cookbook for a $1 at a local consignment shop. Plus the owner is interested in any baby stuff or clothing I have. He said strollers, potty chairs and seats go quick at his story. I'll have to check around the house and at my in-laws.

My ED has been acting up today with the whisperings. Yesterday, I ate a lot of junk and some nutritious stuff. I know my ED would love for me to skip eating tod…

Mondays are never dull

Monday always had a surprise for me. And today it was a snake on the steps. I don't like snakes. I will never kill a snake unless I feel threatened. I felt threatened. Don't worry, he's not dead. Maybe a little deaf because I screamed like someone had attacked me. Then ran back into the house, shut and locked the door. After a few minutes, I went out the back door. No sign of the snake but I have a plan. It is time to cut the grass. My husband doesn't really like for me to cut the grass. I think he is worried that I may pass out or something. The grass has gotten very high so Stella and I are going to cut it. Stella is the name of my lawnmower. She is red feisty little mower so I named her Stella. I love Mondays because it is never a dull day for me.

I am becoming very tech savy. The new camera and photo printer that my hubby brought was given to me to read all the directions and get up and running. I DID it!! It took four hours and a trip to Office Max but I did it. T…

Dancing makes the troubles disappear

Just call me Dancing Queen

It has been a tough week so last night I decided to go out with a few friends. One was D, who works in the meat department and the other S just graduated from high school. I have known her since she was a little girl.

While my husband was working (he’s a window cleaner), he found a good deal on a camera and a printer. So I took plenty of pictures. I got ready to a mix I made of the Black Eyed Peas, The Ting Ting Tings, Lisa Loeb, the Dandy Warhols, Beck and Radiohead. I wore a cute black top, dark denim jeans and some cute heels.

Dinner was at Applebees with a cute waiter and lots of great conversation. Plus, I ran into an old friend from college that I had lost contact with. He’s great photographer with the newspaper in that county. We talked and made plans to catch up more. All in all, a good time. I ordered chicken tenders and fries. S ordered an oriental salad that looked so great that I snapped a picture.

As we headed to the club, we noticed a guy walking …

Dusting myself off

Yesterday, I took time for an oldfashioned mope session. I got it all out of my system somewhat and I am facing the day. Fish sticks and mac and cheese always make a hard day better. I have decided to look for a part time or full time job so I can freelance on the side.

I talked with the editor (who I will call LB) and he was happy. Happy that I could still write for him but sad that I am sad about not getting the jobs. He told me that I could cover the county council since I love government meetings and take over the county economic development beat. Hey, it's not full-time but I get to write. I gave my mother a copy of this week's paper that a ton of stuff I had wrote in it. She was so happy. She is my biggest fan. I could write about the beauty of fish tacos and she would love it.

So far today I have put in applications at the Salvation Army, Walgreens and Rite Aid. For now, I will put off applying to be a server or a cook at a fast food place or restaurant. I don't trust…

Is something wrong me?

I have applied for more than 200 jobs. I have had a few interviews that I thought were very promising. And here I sat unemployed. I found out yesterday that I didn't get the reporter's position that I really wanted. Of all the jobs that I have applied for, this is the one I wanted.

Today has not been a good day. I am up and dressed. I had some toast this morning but I don't really feel like eating or doing anything. I guess I need to regroup, refocus and figure out what I want to do with my life. Obviously, working full-time at a newspaper is not part of the plan. I did email the managing editor to find out why I wasn't chosen. It will give me something to work with.

I feel like I am trapped in the forest with no way out. But far up ahead, I can see some light. My day will come soon.

My next stop is the grocery store for my favorite comfort food when I am down and out--fish sticks and macaroni and cheese. This always cheers me up. Some fish sticks, some magazines and watc…

Awesome night!!!

I am tired today but it is because of an awesome. My mother and I had a wonderful. I have never seen her up dancing around. We sang, we laughed and we had a great time. And I knew I lot more Earth, Wind & Fire and Chicago songs than I thought. I just didn't know the names. We had pretty good seats. My mom drinks beer. In all my years, I didn't know that she occasionally drank a beer. She did last night. Even though, concert food is expensive. She said she was splurging. We had chicken tenders, fries and chili dogs. I had a coke and bottled water while she drank a beer and had Coke. I was the driver for the evening. The music was soooooo good and vibes were just as good. Last night was what I really needed to help clear my head. So sorry dad, you missed a great concert.

We had such a good time that we are thinking about seeing Miley Cyrus in November. My mom and brother are huge Hannah Montana fans. Hannah helped my mom through cancer and brother says that show along with Wi…

Getting Ready

I have never heard my mom so excited in my life. Except maybe when her grandchildren were born. She is so excited about the concert. And so am I. My dad called her because he wanted to know if she needed him to go to the concert. She told him no that she was taking me and we were going to have a good time.

On a down note, I found out that I didn't get either editor's job. I bummed but I'll be okay. If it is meant to be then it is meant to be. Anyway, I am looking forward to having a good time tonight with my mom. With the help of my hubby and his buddy, I realized that I know more Earth, Wind & Fire songs than I realize.

The editor I freelance for was sad I didn't get the job but happy that he gets to keep me a little while longer. I think I am going to focus on a part-time job and freelance on the side. This way money is coming in while I continue to freelance, get more samples and not go crazy if I can't write.

And even though I am bummed, I resisted the urge…

Sometimes love means braving traffic!!!

My mother and I didn't always have a good relationship. From the time I was 15 until about 27, we tolerated each other. She played a big part in me moving to Pickle Land eight years ago because I just couldn't deal being around here. Being away from home, getting married, having a child and her being diagnosed with cancer in 2005 helped us build a relationship. Even if we haven't always gotten along, I still respected and loved my mother. She and my grandmother raised my brother and I. Some of my best lessons in life came from her.

I say all this because things aren't going well between my parents. I met my dad for the first time when I was 27. After meeting me, my parents reunited. A few weeks ago, they had a big fight and now live separate from each other. My mom told me not to take sides. But I quietly take the side of the my mother. Anyway, about three months about my mother found out about Earth, Wind & Fire and Chicago being in concert. My mother really only …


I do love a graduation. I took pictures of the students graduating from the local high school. They are looking to the future. Tonight, two of my cousins are graduating so today will be a long one. I don't miss high school. It's not the point in time I would go back to visit. Instead I would visit my 20-year-old self. This is when I started to realize I had an eating disorder. I would talk to myself and try to get help.

This week has been exhausting. I am looking forward to some quiet. I guess now is the waiting game. While I wait, I continue to job hunt and try to not stress. Who knows what the future holds for me. But in my immediate future is a country ham biscuit from Bojangles. The cereal I ate for breakfast is loooong gone. I find myself some days eating without thinking and some days I have to remind myself to eat. But at this moment, I actually feel hungry. This doesn't happen every day. It feels weird but I am adjusting to it. I don't think I will ever have an …

A busy Silly Girl

It has been awhile since I posted. I have been busy writing, being a Mom and interviewing for two editor's positions.

The interview process was four hours long and involved five people. I arrived twenty minutes early to be interviewed by the regional editor JB. He asked some tough questions but I was prepared. I have given a lot of thought about becoming an editor of a newspaper. It will not be easy but I feel I am up for the challenge. Ed position #1 is at twice a week paper with a staff of two writers and copy editor. Ed position #2 is at a weekly where I would be the sole writer and editor along with some freelance writers. There would be no layout and design. This is taken care of at the daily paper. I would love to have position #2 because I am not good at giving orders. Both jobs are multimedia based with posting to the website and using a video camera. Overall, it I got a position at either paper--it would be an excellent learning experience. Both are relatively close to ho…

ABC of being Me

Today, my son and I have worked on the alphabet. So while he was napping, I worked on the ABC of Silly Girl. It was kind of fun and relaxing.

A is for APPLES: I am rediscovering them with the help of my son.
B is for BIRTHDAY: October 12, 1973—Some years my birthday is a holiday.
C is for CRUSHING ON: JJ Abrams—love my nerdy cute guys
D is for the last thing I DRANK: Orange soda
E is for the EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: Dream Diva
F is for my FAVORITE SONG: Talk by Coldplay—This song always makes me dance!
G is for GREEN: My favorite color.
H is for HOMETOWN: I was born in a small town in South Carolina. Vowed never to go back and don’t go much.
I is for IN LOVE WITH: my hubby
J is for the letter that starts the names of my husband, my son and I.
K is for KRISPY KREME doughnuts—especially just out of the oven.
L is for the LONGEST MOVIE—Traffic with Catherine Zeta Jones—Good movie but long!!!
M is for MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Chocolate
N is for the NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: Three brothers and two sisters
O is…

Savior of turtles

Since I have moved back. I have noticed that there are lot of turtles that need rescuing in the road. I guess I am the patron saint of them. So I try to save them. I can't save them all. But I do have rules. If it is safe to pull over, I do it. If there is an 18 wheeler behind me, I say a little prayer for the turtle. If it is storming or unsafe conditions, I say a little prayer.

I went to the county council meeting this morning. It was the shortest meeting that I have ever covered. It was less than 30 minutes. It took me longer to get up, get myself and JJ ready and drive to the meeting site. So since I have somewhat of a free day, I am job searching and researching some stuff.

I feel I am in a semi-good spot right now. Things aren't too bad but not too good either.

Daily Dose

1. A really good chicken salad sandwich

2. The color green--It soothes and relaxes me.

3. My hubby for sneaking a bag of M&M in my bag with a good luck note on it.


I have learned that routine is the best thing for me. It keeps me from getting to anxious. With that said, my husband and I have figured out a schedule around my freelancing and my husband's business and family committments. For example, today JJ is with me while I blog, run errand and etc. While I am writing, he is watching one of his favorite cartoons Dinosaur King.

Tonight, I have a town board meeting to cover and my son and hubby will do their own thing. Tomorrow morning is a county commissioner meeting. So it is give and take. I am nervous about Thursday but I am ready. I looked over some newspapers for the area so I could be a feel for the position.

No rest for the busy

It has been a long time since I felt like I have worked. The past few days have been busy with several writing assignments. Saturday started with mentoring program and ended with a NAACP banquet. By Sunday at 4:30 p.m., I had written four articles with photos and cutlines. I mailed it all by 5 p.m.

My husband and son were supportive by watching cartoons and staying out my way. With all that done, we went for a Sunday evening drive. I have an interview with a newspaper on Thursday and wanted to pick up a few copies of the paper so we went to the town and got some. It was a nice drive complete with singing to radio and good conversation. At the convenience store, my son got cigarette stick candies with Captain America tattoos and I got teriyaki chicken wings. All in all a good evening. Last night, I watched Spy Kids with my son. It was nice little movie.

And late Saturday night, I met my hubby and an old friend at restaurant near our house to sing karaoke. Actually she sung while my hub…