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Showing posts from February, 2012

Score--Me 5, ED 1

It is a tricky time in my life. I am simultaneously fighting two battles. One against ED and another to save my job. It is exhausting but I will not let it consume me. I saw my therapist last week. It was quite productive. She looked at the food journal I have been keeping. She was semi-pleased to see that I consume about 1800 calories a day. Caroline has looked at my records and saw instances where I was consuming 300 to 500 calories. Her words--You have make some progress in the last three years. Caroline asked me how I felt about this. I told I her that I was pretty cool with it because calories don't bother me. I don't look at food in terms of calories. I view it in terms of how my body looks. This led to a discussion on body image. Every night, to save time, I put out my outfit for the next day. If it is a good day, I shower, put on the outfit and leave the house. If it is a bad day, I will easily go through five to six  outfits. Last week and this week  have been very goo…

How I got my groove back and other adventures

I have to admit the last few weeks have been pretty rough for me. But with the help of new meds, a new therapist and a new outlook, I feel like I am slowing finding myself again. 
For instance, this weekend I cleaned instead of spending it in bed. It started with my vaccum cleaner acting kind of wonky. Two weeks ago, I would have cried and took to the bed. Instead, I  got out my screwdriver and took the vacuum apart, found the problem and now vacuum works. And from there, I got the cleaning bug.  Over a two day period I: --cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom and mopped it. --mopped the kitchen floor --sorted and separated six boxes of magazines that have been donated to six charity organizations --made a quick ass tomato basil soup --changed the sheets and pillow cases on my bed
There are still things to do such as laundry and other stuff. When I went to bed Monday night, I felt like I had accomplished something. Now I still have some dark moments but not as many as I once did. I am looki…

Visible but invisible

Being a reporter puts you in the middle of the action. Everyone sees you but doesn’t. On the surface, they see you as this person who paints a written record of their event. But they have no clue what is going on under the surface. You could say the same about me. Some of the people I cover, I don’t know the first thing about them. I thought about all of this while waiting at the world longest traffic light this morning.
I met my new therapist in the morning. I think this is going to be a very good for me. Her name is Caroline, which is one of my favorite names. She sits in a rocking chair and has a comfy couch for clients. Her dog is also in the office. I felt positive vibes from the moment I pulled into the parking lot. Her office is 30 minutes from RR in Virginia. The drive gives me time to prepare and rock out to music. 

In the beginning, we had a “it’s a small world exchange.” C-Have we ever met before? M-No, not to my knowledge. C-I know I have heard your voice before. Are you on the…

One day, one meal at a time

I can't believe January is over. It seems like yesterday that the new year was rung in and celebrated. Between my  ED issues and work, it feels like I  haven't had much time to breathe. 
Right now, I am taking things one day and one meal at a time. Anything more and I'll freak out. This morning was rough. I found a skirt in the closet that I had never wore. After putting the outfit together on my bed, I showered and put it on. It was when I was putting on  my black tights that I became fixated on how huge my thighs looked. I have to be at work at 8 a.m. so I am having a freak out at 7:25. 
So using the techniques that my therapist and I had discussed, I talked myself from the proverbial ledge. i am pretty proud of myself because I feel like it was small victory against ED. I have come a long way to let it defeat. Right now, there are some bumps in the road but i am trying. So it is one day and one meal at a time.
Daily Dose
1. It's Friday and I don't  have to work this…