It is a tricky time in my life. I am simultaneously fighting two battles. One against ED and another to save my job. It is exhausting but I will not let it consume me. I saw my therapist last week. It was quite productive. She looked at the food journal I have been keeping. She was semi-pleased to see that I consume about 1800 calories a day. Caroline has looked at my records and saw instances where I was consuming 300 to 500 calories. Her words--You have make some progress in the last three years.
Caroline asked me how I felt about this. I told I her that I was pretty cool with it because calories don't bother me. I don't look at food in terms of calories. I view it in terms of how my body looks. This led to a discussion on body image. Every night, to save time, I put out my outfit for the next day. If it is a good day, I shower, put on the outfit and leave the house. If it is a bad day, I will easily go through five to six outfits. Last week and this week have been very good.
Other things discussed was my water intake, which is about 28 ounces a day, and soda intake, 48 ounces a day. This is where a lot of the weight gain is coming from. It hasn't been easy but I am down to 20 ounces of soda a week. And up to 48 ounces of water or crystal light water. Yay for me!!! But if it is a bad day, I will hit the orange soda. Caroline is very pleased with progress. She said I am taking an active role in my recovery. It feels good to back on the road to recovery. Being at the rest stop wasn't fun.
I have an issue with my stomach. Currently, I look about three months pregnant. I have been walking and working out so I am starting to become more comfortable with myself. Honestly, if my inner self is in order, it will be easier to deal with what is happening at work.
Overall, I am in a semi-good place now. And I am ok with that.
1. Making homemade sloppy joes!!
2. Discovering Mr. Kitty is Ms. Kitty.
3. Hugs and kisses from JJ!!