Skip to main content

Score--Me 5, ED 1

It is a tricky time in my life. I am simultaneously fighting two battles. One against ED and another to save my job. It is exhausting but I will not let it consume me. I saw my therapist last week. It was quite productive. She looked at the food journal I have been keeping. She was semi-pleased to see that I consume about 1800 calories a day. Caroline has looked at my records and saw instances where I was consuming 300 to 500 calories. Her words--You have make some progress in the last three years.
Caroline asked me how I felt about this. I told I her that I was pretty cool with it because calories don't bother me. I don't look at food in terms of calories. I view it in terms of how my body looks. This led to a discussion on body image. Every night, to save time, I put out my outfit for the next day. If it is a good day, I shower, put on the outfit and leave the house. If it is a bad day, I will easily go through five to six  outfits. Last week and this week  have been very good.
Other things discussed was my water intake, which is about 28 ounces a day, and soda intake, 48 ounces a day. This is where a lot of the weight gain is coming from. It hasn't been easy but I am down to  20 ounces of soda a week. And up to 48 ounces of water or crystal light water. Yay for me!!! But if it is a bad day, I will hit the orange soda.  Caroline is very pleased with progress. She said I am taking an active role in my recovery. It feels good to back on the road to recovery. Being at the rest stop wasn't fun. 
I have an issue with my stomach. Currently, I look about three months pregnant. I  have been walking and working out so I am starting to become more comfortable with myself. Honestly, if my inner self is in order, it will be easier to deal with what is happening at work.
Overall, I am in a semi-good place now. And I am ok with that.

DAILY DOSE
1. Making homemade sloppy joes!! 
2. Discovering Mr. Kitty is Ms. Kitty.
3. Hugs and kisses from JJ!!

Comments

  1. I know what you mean about the stomach thing. Since having recovered from my eating disorder, I am bigger and my stomach seems to be the thing I can never feel quite okay with. I am usually just tolerating it but I can't seem to do anything about it. My doc said also age was against me but hey, at least I can get through the day with a good amount of food and feel relatively okay with myself. I'm glad you are going so well :)
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm glad that you're in a semi-good place. I hope you're fidning peace somehow in the battles that you are fighting.

    When I go through the refeeding process, my stomach always seems to resemble a pregnant woman's. In treatment we literally called this the "refeeding belly." It goes away once your body really learns that it can trust you to give it good nutrition. Think of it as your body protecting your inner organs because it loves you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fighting two battles at once is something nobody should have to put up with. I wish you well. But cutting back on the soda is huge. I find that drinking water makes me feel much more refreshed. Maybe it's the sugar, I don't know. Or water is just clean, healthy :) Makes me feel better in my skin. Active steps, as you say it. They make the difference.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 




I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…