Score--Me 5, ED 1

-
It is a tricky time in my life. I am simultaneously fighting two battles. One against ED and another to save my job. It is exhausting but I will not let it consume me. I saw my therapist last week. It was quite productive. She looked at the food journal I have been keeping. She was semi-pleased to see that I consume about 1800 calories a day. Caroline has looked at my records and saw instances where I was consuming 300 to 500 calories. Her words--You have make some progress in the last three years.
Caroline asked me how I felt about this. I told I her that I was pretty cool with it because calories don't bother me. I don't look at food in terms of calories. I view it in terms of how my body looks. This led to a discussion on body image. Every night, to save time, I put out my outfit for the next day. If it is a good day, I shower, put on the outfit and leave the house. If it is a bad day, I will easily go through five to six  outfits. Last week and this week  have been very good.
Other things discussed was my water intake, which is about 28 ounces a day, and soda intake, 48 ounces a day. This is where a lot of the weight gain is coming from. It hasn't been easy but I am down to  20 ounces of soda a week. And up to 48 ounces of water or crystal light water. Yay for me!!! But if it is a bad day, I will hit the orange soda.  Caroline is very pleased with progress. She said I am taking an active role in my recovery. It feels good to back on the road to recovery. Being at the rest stop wasn't fun. 
I have an issue with my stomach. Currently, I look about three months pregnant. I  have been walking and working out so I am starting to become more comfortable with myself. Honestly, if my inner self is in order, it will be easier to deal with what is happening at work.
Overall, I am in a semi-good place now. And I am ok with that.

DAILY DOSE
1. Making homemade sloppy joes!! 
2. Discovering Mr. Kitty is Ms. Kitty.
3. Hugs and kisses from JJ!!

Comments

  1. SairsMarch 1, 2012 at 2:27 AM

    I know what you mean about the stomach thing. Since having recovered from my eating disorder, I am bigger and my stomach seems to be the thing I can never feel quite okay with. I am usually just tolerating it but I can't seem to do anything about it. My doc said also age was against me but hey, at least I can get through the day with a good amount of food and feel relatively okay with myself. I'm glad you are going so well :)
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  2. S.A.March 7, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    I'm glad that you're in a semi-good place. I hope you're fidning peace somehow in the battles that you are fighting.

    When I go through the refeeding process, my stomach always seems to resemble a pregnant woman's. In treatment we literally called this the "refeeding belly." It goes away once your body really learns that it can trust you to give it good nutrition. Think of it as your body protecting your inner organs because it loves you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMay 12, 2012 at 12:27 PM

    Fighting two battles at once is something nobody should have to put up with. I wish you well. But cutting back on the soda is huge. I find that drinking water makes me feel much more refreshed. Maybe it's the sugar, I don't know. Or water is just clean, healthy :) Makes me feel better in my skin. Active steps, as you say it. They make the difference.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BOOK REVIEW: The Other Emily by Dean Koontz

-
Image
  It is hard to write about "The Other Emily" by Dean Koontz. It is not because it is a bad book. I was pretty pleased with and enjoyed it. But how do you write about a book without giving away key plot points? The synopsis is simple. Emily Carlino vanished 10 years ago after her car broke down on a California highway. She was presumed to be one of serial killer Ronny Lee Jessup’s victims. Her remains were never found. Emily was the love of writer David Thorne’s life. He hasn’t recovered from losing her or from the guilt of not being there to save her. Since then,   Thorne has sought closure any way he can. He visits with Jessup regularly in prison, desperate for answers about Emily’s final hours so he may finally lay her body to rest. Then Thorne meets Maddison Sutton. Everything about Maddison from her face to her kisses is just like Emily.   Is she Emily? Or an irresistible dead ringer? Either way, the ultimate question is the same: What game is she playing? What
Read more

COVID is the worst

-
It has been almost two weeks since my son was diagnosed with COVID-19. COVID is the worst because there are very few ways to treat it. And you can't be near your loved one. So I am calling a few times a day and praying. I visited him on Saturday. He stood at his window and waved at me standing outside of it.   There are 608,946 people in South Carolina who have or had COVID. My son is one of those people.  He isn't just a number. He is a 15-year-old wise-ass who loves to play video games, read anime, and sing. He is not sure what he wants to do with his life but I want him to be able to have a life. 
Read more

Stopping a downward spiral

-
In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth.  Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite.  I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety. And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area who can he
Read more