Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Donating blood and other adventures

Yesterday was an interesting day. It started with a perfectly plan day ending with me hoping to see a play written, practiced and performed by a group of students in a week. Instead, I was sent a boring event because my boss' boss wanted it.

It dampen my whole day because not only did I have only 5.5 hours left but my opinion didn't matter. The old me would have plotted various ways of revenge. Instead, I decided to channel my anger for the forces of good. I donated a pint of blood. I hate needles and don't like seeing my blood outside of my body. But it was nice knowing that I helped someone who may need blood. Rechanneling my anger and displeasure has become my new thing. I  have decided I don't want it to consume me and until I figure out what else I want to do, it prevents me from being all angry and unpleasant to be around.

Anyway, I donated my pint of blood, got to eat some snacks and got a cool tote out of the deal. And if things go well, in 50 something days, I can do it again. 

Today, I am in a better frame of mind. The cleaning process of my apartment is going. The living room actually looks half livable but the hallway, my bedroom and the spare room looks like a crazy but well dressed person lives there. It has to be cleaned by Nov. 20. I need to make a list tonight and tackle it.  I know JJ will not care. He wants to spend time with me in RR. But I want to create the illusion of a somewhat neat mommy.

Daily Dose

1. The Jumbo Fudge Sticks by Keebler are AWESOME!

2. Day two of trying to drink more water has been going well.

3. I don't have the neat gene. I am mess but not filthy. There is a difference.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

An early Christmas present

I am keeping my fingers cross but I think JJ will be spending his Thanksgiving break with me in RR. I am so excited. It means I have one month to clean and prepare for him. I can't wait.

This will be my husband's first Thanksgiving without his mom and wanted to make sure JJ  had a good holiday. Also JJ's birthday is the day before Thanksgiving. I am so excited that I can hardly type. I miss him so much when he isn't here.

Things have interesting. My newsroom got new apple computers. These bad boys are sweet. I don't like change but I have to say I am embracing this one well. My old computer is circa 2000. I couldn't use You Tube or Twitter.

If I wasn't still at work, I would do a happy dance. Tomorrow, I  turn in the time off forms. I am happy because I consider this an early Christmas present.

DAILY DOSE

1. Grilled Cheese sandwiches and tomato bisque soup

2. My new computer at work

3. Being able to spend some quality time with JJ

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

It's my birthday!!!!!

I am still battling my cold. It is a rainy outside but I don't care. It's my birthday!!! I honestly never thought I would live to be 38 years old. I always figured ED would win.

But so far, I have shown her. I have a sweet little boy and a  pretty decent life. It's not perfect but I am pleased. Even though, I am trying hard to get rid of this cold. I noticed something. This is the first cold I have had since seriously committing to ED recovery.

In the past, colds were awfully. They always turned into bronchitis, upper respitatory infections or pneumonia. But now, mind and body are stronger which has enabled me to be healthier.

I am 38 years old. It is just weird to say this. I refuse to dwell on the past and how much I have lost. I will continue to enjoy the present and look to the future. I feel blessed and don't want to squander what I have been given. I want to be the best possible mother and role model to my son.

As a part of my continued growth, I donated the reminder of my size two and three clothes to Ms. W's informal clothes closet. As I went through the clothes, I realized two things--one, I have a pretty good fashion sense and two, I was not meant to be those sizes. Over the weekend, I looked at some photos of myself and I looked sick. And not the good sick. Each day, I am becoming more and more comfortable with who I am and who I have become.

I am so grateful for the support of my friends (online and everyday life). I started this blog to give  myself a voice when I didn't have one. Being Silly Girl has allowed me to work through many issues, heartaches and triumphs. It was a good alias but I feel now I am ready to face the world as me Jacqueline Hough. No more Silly Girl except for one special person.

I don't know what the future holds for me but I do feel I can take whatever it wants to dish out. Normally, I dread my birthday but not this year. I am glad to be alive. For the first time since I was 15, I am healthy. It is a very good feeling.

DAILY DOSE
1. Having my son sing Happy Birthday!!
2. Being given a carrot cake (my fave) at work along with presents.
3. Having the gift of health!!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Sick and delirious but happy

I  had an AWESOME weekend with my son!!!!!!

JJ and I



Unfortunately, I brought a nasty cold home with me. I was only at work for an hour and half  Monday. The rest of the day and night were spent in my comfy bed with the edges blurred by Nyquil and other cold medicine.

Honestly, I feel like the living dead. I shouldn't be at work but news never stops. Even though I feel bad, I had a great weekend with JJ. So it is worth feeling like road kill. For JJ, Saturday was an adventure of various places culminating in seeing a movie and having McDonald’s afterwards. For me, it was an adventure of staying awake and coherent.

We went to the library (or libraries), Goodwill and Big Lots. JJ loves going to the $2 movie theater. We watched Mr. Popper’s Penguins. It was not a choice of mine. I was miserable watching the movie but had a great time watching him watch the movie.
This is my favorite photo of my son. It captures the essence of JJ.

When you are five, everything is magical and exciting. As grown ups, we lose this. My son still sees the wonder and excitement in everything. Plus, he thinks I am the most awesome person in the world. And right now, it is what I need to hear. I can't imagine my life without him. He is my heart and soul. He keeps me going when things dreary and sad.

Daily Dose

1. Nyquil

2. Kleenex with aloe

3. My beautiful little boy. I love all 46 inches of him!

Spending time with my son

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