But so far, I have shown her. I have a sweet little boy and a pretty decent life. It's not perfect but I am pleased. Even though, I am trying hard to get rid of this cold. I noticed something. This is the first cold I have had since seriously committing to ED recovery.
In the past, colds were awfully. They always turned into bronchitis, upper respitatory infections or pneumonia. But now, mind and body are stronger which has enabled me to be healthier.
I am 38 years old. It is just weird to say this. I refuse to dwell on the past and how much I have lost. I will continue to enjoy the present and look to the future. I feel blessed and don't want to squander what I have been given. I want to be the best possible mother and role model to my son.
As a part of my continued growth, I donated the reminder of my size two and three clothes to Ms. W's informal clothes closet. As I went through the clothes, I realized two things--one, I have a pretty good fashion sense and two, I was not meant to be those sizes. Over the weekend, I looked at some photos of myself and I looked sick. And not the good sick. Each day, I am becoming more and more comfortable with who I am and who I have become.
I am so grateful for the support of my friends (online and everyday life). I started this blog to give myself a voice when I didn't have one. Being Silly Girl has allowed me to work through many issues, heartaches and triumphs. It was a good alias but I feel now I am ready to face the world as me Jacqueline Hough. No more Silly Girl except for one special person.
I don't know what the future holds for me but I do feel I can take whatever it wants to dish out. Normally, I dread my birthday but not this year. I am glad to be alive. For the first time since I was 15, I am healthy. It is a very good feeling.