Saturday, April 21, 2012

Bittersweet Beauty

Relay for Life is an event that is close to my heart. To see thousands come together for a common cause is beautiful. Cancer is very prevalent in my family so I do whatever I can. It  has taken on a special meeting since my mother's death. No matter what newspaper I am at, I always adopt Relay for Life as one of my things to cover.

This weekend, I felt so blessed to be around so many amazing working together to defeat Cancer. I feel honored  when people trust me to tell their stories. This is why I became a reporter. Everyone has a story to tell.

The survivor's walk is always hard for me. Deep down inside I wish my mother was one of them.  But I know she is in a better place now. It was a great way to spend a Friday night.

Thursday was my therapy with Caroline. She is so awesome. I also met my new doctor for the first time. I continue on remeron but must go back on seroquel to help with the anxiety. For the past month, I  have done little things to tone up for the summer. I am parking further from the building, taking the stairs and walking at least three times a week. And the biggie--cutting back on my consumption of orange soda and eating tons of junk food while writing my desk. Caroline and I have talked about what a realistic weight is for me. For me, it is the size 6 to 8 range.

I learned my little things have paid off. I am a healthy 139 pounds. When I saw the number on the scale at the doctor's office. I didn't freak out. I didn't burst into tears. I was like cool. Yay for being proactive and realistic.

DAILY DOSE

1. I will have two glorious days off.

2. Baking a red velvet cake.

3. Listening to my son, whose has adopted surfing lingo!!!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Sick and tired of being sick and tired!!

Striking my best pose in my shirt dress and green pumps.

I  had an moment this morning in the shower. I am tired of being unhappy and depressed.  So I decided I am doing something about it. I put on a black shirt dress (that looks awesome on me) and some cute green pumps. And I strutted my stuff today. For the first time in weeks, I didn't feel frumpy or down on how I looked. In fact, I thought I look damn good. 

I am tired of being stressed about my job. I am tired of self-defeating thoughts about my appearance and weight gain. And I am tired of being tired. It ends today. Today, I took back  my life. From this moment on things will be done my terms. If the head honcho comes in May and decides my job is cut, I will shed some tears and pack up my things. But it will be because of budget and not because of job performance. I am a damn good reporter. I work hard to cover my huge beat. 

There will be no more waddling in self pity on my couch. For the last few days, I have been putting on my headphones and heading the pavement. The same goes with ordering fast food and eating out. I have gain some weight. This is a good thing but I would like to get back into shape. This means walking, cooking healthy meals and drinking more water. I haven't had an orange soda in a week.  Moderation is the key. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired so I am doing something about it. 


And I will document my progress including my cute outfits.
I don't want to be negative and unhappy anymore. It's time to let the sunshine in. Score Me--1 and ED--0!!


DAILY DOSE
I love these shoes!!

1. My cute green shoes. I felt like a million bucks.

2. Not cringing at photos of myself. I  have to remember baby steps.

3. Seeing a recipe in a cookbook and making it instead of dreaming about it.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

One step at a time...

Last week made my top five of worst weeks of my life.  I probably would have called in sick if another co-worker had not beat me to it. Anyway, I made a very bad mistake in Sunday's newspaper. I did a story on a 99-year-old woman. In the story, I mixed up two of her friends named Vivian. Needless to say, she is pissed at me. I feel really bad. I am very careful about things like this. I think it was a combination of being tired, stressed and having to write the story in a hurry. Either way, it's my fault and I feel really bad about it. The lady will turn 100 in a few days. 

This story was suppose to put it the celebration scrapbook. Instead, I ruined it.  On top of it, the last few days have been rough EDwise. No matter what I wear, I feel like I am a huge cow. I  have been good about not restricting or letting ED win. this week, she won. I ate something for breakfast, skipped lunch each day and had dinner. 

So I  have waddled in self-pity and various Criminal Minds marathon. Today, I am taking it one step at a time. I started with toast and raisin bran for breakfast. And we will go from there. I am truly sorry about what happen both with the article and restricting. It all goes back to me taking better care of me. Before work took over my life, I used to be pretty active. I actually tried to socialize and a be a semi-normal. Now, I wake up each thinking of when I will go back to bed. Sleeping has become my hobby. I have a three day weekend. I spend Saturday sleeping. I think I was awake a total of nine hours out of 24. It has been a rough week. Thank God for my son and my therapist.

DAILY DOSE

1. The "Almost Pizza" commercial on SNL last night.

2. Getting up and moving today

3. Trying not to be so hard on myself!

Spending time with my son

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