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Showing posts from December, 2012

Bittersweet Christmas

For a month, I have dreamed about spending a week here in RR with my son. It is hard planning ahead with stories when you work at a daily newspaper. But I did.
All I had to do was drive down Christmas and bring him back on Christmas Day. I was informed by his father that the plan for JJ was not adequate enough and he wasn’t allowing JJ to come. To say, I was disappointed was an understatement.
I have come a long way with my mental and ED issues. I have worked so hard, did therapy and take my meds.  But then something like this happens to make you realize one thing. It is okay to accept my child support money but not okay for me to care of my own child for a week.
It is okay for me to pay the cell phone bill for the three of us and make sure JJ has health insurance. But I am still too crazy to actually care for my son. At least, I am sane enough to make money. I mean it is okay if his dad is here at my apartment, eating my food and using my utilities while JJ and I do stuff together. 
It suc…

The countdown has begun

In three days, I will heading down to SC on Christmas. I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa. I am so excited but nervous. 

For most of this month, I have worked so crazy hours and did a lot of brainstorming so I could have a stockpile of stories so JJ wouldn’t have to live here at the newspaper with me. I have done a lot of interviews and photo taking so all I have to do is write the stories and be on merry way with the little guy. 

There is an awful cold going around the newsroom so I have avoided people like the plague. There is nothing worst than driving five hours when you feel like death. I don’t want to be sick and I certainly do want JJ to be sick.

I hope I don’t sound silly about being so excited. I get to spend a week with JJ by myself.

The last few weeks have been rough. ED  has tried to rear her ugly head. Yesterday after talking with doctor, I am going to switch from remeron to prozac. For about six months, I have been anxious while taking the medication. So much that my…

Excitement is brewing

I am so excited  because in more than a week I will see my son for Christmas. I  can hardly stand it. He is just excited except he is thinking about Christmas and Santa.

In eight days, I will go to SC to pick him up and bring him to RR with me for a week. To say, I am excited, it is the understatement of the year. I have planned a loose agenda for us because I still have to work while he is here. My boss was sweet to let me set up the spare room in our newsroom as a spot for JJ.

He will have his own space with a computer, note pad and other items to keep him occupied. And he will go out on several assignments so he can see what Mommy does when he is not around. I wanted him to see so he doesn't think I am just enjoying the good life without him.

It is hard talking to him on the phone because I want to blurt out that he is coming to see me. A recent conversation went like this:

Me: So what do you want for Christmas from me?
JJ: Honestly, I would love to come to RR to see you. I ne…

Music keeps me sane

I love music. There is always a song in my head. 
I don’t sing out loud because I’m a bad singer. The type of voice that would make dogs howl. But it doesn’t stop me from singing in the shower or car.
In life, there are milestones that we hit. I hit one this morning where I don’t care if others know what my music choices are. For instance, I am not a big Justin Bieber person but I love his song, “As Long as You Love Me.” I was singing it loud and proud in my car this morning. 
And when I turned into the parking lot at work, I didn’t turn it down or off. I just kept singing. I love music and if it is song I like, I am going to play it.
I have been moving toward this milestone all year. The songs on my iTunes at work range from Taylor Swift and Lil Wayne to Dave Matthews and Coldplay. One of co-workers was getting something off of my desktop and noticed my iTunes opened. He was surprised to see Metallic. What can I say I am woman who loves her rock music.
I still make mix cds with different p…

My life in numbers

Of late, I feel like my life can be summed up in numbers.
I’ll go simple with the numbers-- 260, 7 and 19. By the end of this year, there will have been 260 newspapers printed. I probably have stories in 250 of them. This is a reason I am so freaking tired.
The number seven belong to James Edward who turned that age recently. I still can’t believe that I have a seven-year-old child who is almost as tall as I am. Crazy!
And 19 is the number of days before I will see James Edward again and bring him to RR for some R & R here. Of course, I am so excited I could pop. I miss my little big guy.
The last few weeks have been rough. I made a change in my medication, which has resulted in somewhat of a weight loss and lack o f appetite. I asked to be taken off the remeron. While it helps with the depression, it makes me anxious. This would mean an increase in seroquel to balance this. I couldn't handle it. I went back on  remeron in 2010 and there hasn't been too many anxious free days.�…