Skip to main content

Bittersweet Christmas

For a month, I have dreamed about spending a week here in RR with my son. It is hard planning ahead with stories when you work at a daily newspaper. But I did.

All I had to do was drive down Christmas and bring him back on Christmas Day. I was informed by his father that the plan for JJ was not adequate enough and he wasn’t allowing JJ to come. To say, I was disappointed was an understatement.

I have come a long way with my mental and ED issues. I have worked so hard, did therapy and take my meds. 
But then something like this happens to make you realize one thing. It is okay to accept my child support money but not okay for me to care of my own child for a week.

It is okay for me to pay the cell phone bill for the three of us and make sure JJ has health insurance. But I am still too crazy to actually care for my son. At least, I am sane enough to make money.
I mean it is okay if his dad is here at my apartment, eating my food and using my utilities while JJ and I do stuff together. 

It sucks and I am pissed. I had worked hard to keep JJ from finding out about the trip so if things went south, he wouldn’t be dispppointed. Someone else told him and I had to comfort  a very upset seven-year-old. It broke my heart to see him crying. 
For him, it was the worst Christmas ever. I had to remind him that it wasn’t. The worst Christmas would be if we were not able to see each other. Plus, I told him there are mommies and daddies whose children are not alive.

He soon realized how fortunate he was but he still said it sucked. I agreed. After working so hard, I am exhausted. With all of my planning, I will be off from work Dec. 30 to Jan. 4. I could go back and spend this time with JJ but I am sick of being the one who has to travel five hours all the time. I will make a decision in the next few days. Right now, I am just nursing a broken heart.


1. Being able to spend some time with JJ at Christmas!

2. Having vacation time during the first week of the new year!

3. A possible movie date this weekend!


  1. I'm so sorry that the plans didn't pan out. It doesn't sound fair at all but I guess you have to make the best of it. Hope you do get to see him again soon.

  2. I'm so sorry, for both of you. I'm surprised you're not a part of the Men's Rights Movement. The damage done to children by careless and corrupt family courts, is a HUGE part of what we fight against. Visitation enforcement is all but nonexistent, because non-custodial parents are viewed as nothing more than walking wallets, not as integral parts of their children's lives.

    There is a fast-growing group of (mostly) men out there, fighting on your behalf.

  3. I am so proud of you for actually being able to articulate this difficult time and to also list the gratitude you have felt over this time.
    That is a real strength and one you should be really proud of <3


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…