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Showing posts from January, 2012

Seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel

It is been forever since I have posted. Things are improving. This has been a rough week in terms of work but a good one mentally.

I  have my first appointment with my new therapist in person in a few days. We have talked on the phone a few times.  I went back to my old therapist. We both realized that I needed more than he could give.

It was pretty lengthy phone conversation with her asking a lot of questions. The appointment is Feb. 8 so she go through all of my past records. As we talked, she asked me about episodes of depression, my ED and medications.

Dr. X asked me how the various  meds made me feel. I told her for about three months each would be okay. But then slowly the more I took the meds, the more anxious I would feel. And usually, I would taper myself off of them because it. I told how my mood changed constantly in a day. Honestly, I think everyone goes through this.

This feeling is hard to describe. There have been days when I literally wanted to cut myself out of my bod…

Stopping a downward spiral

In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth. 
Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite. 
I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety.
And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area who can help me…

Disturbance in the world of Jack

Let me start by saying that I am okay. And considering the way crime is in RR, it could have been a lot worst. I keep odd hours. I can leave for work at 7:30 a.m. and sometimes I don't come home until 8 or 9 p.m.

 Last Friday night, I actually got done early at 5 p.m. and went to the grocery store. While at the store, I debated canned peas or frozen peas (very important later). I ended up with canned ones because the frozen brand I like was not at Food Lion.

I drive home in a fairly decent mood because I will be home before 6:30 p.m. and can watch the news. I live on a street with lots of duplexes and kids. The road running parallel to my street is very busy, no sidewalks and no street lights. People walking tend to walk in people's yards so they don't get hit by a car. Plus, pedestrians and bikers in RR, don't wear light colored clothes at night. This puts them at serious risk for injury. This is a personal pet peeve of mine.  I pull into my driveway, park in front of…

Happy New Year!!!

Happy 2012!!!
I had a great time New Year's Eve. It was nice to get dressed up to go out and have a good time for free. It was awesome with free food with an Indian twist along with Caribbean steel band, belly dancers, karoke and line dancing. I even joined the Conga line. I think the photos best illustrate my night.

We left the party at about one minute after 12 but we had a great time. Once I got home, I did dance around the living room in my heels and dress. It felt nice. I  had a great time. I definitely plan to do more things like this.


1. Stepping outside of my comfort zone!
2. Making more of an effort!
3. Becoming comfortable in my own skin!