Friday, January 27, 2012

Seeing the light at the end of the dark tunnel

It is been forever since I have posted. Things are improving. This has been a rough week in terms of work but a good one mentally.

I  have my first appointment with my new therapist in person in a few days. We have talked on the phone a few times.  I went back to my old therapist. We both realized that I needed more than he could give.

It was pretty lengthy phone conversation with her asking a lot of questions. The appointment is Feb. 8 so she go through all of my past records. As we talked, she asked me about episodes of depression, my ED and medications.

Dr. X asked me how the various  meds made me feel. I told her for about three months each would be okay. But then slowly the more I took the meds, the more anxious I would feel. And usually, I would taper myself off of them because it. I told how my mood changed constantly in a day. Honestly, I think everyone goes through this.

This feeling is hard to describe. There have been days when I literally wanted to cut myself out of my body. And I don't want to hurt myself. I just feel so anxious and jittery. I feel like things are out of control.

Then she said something that really surprised. Dr. X asked if I had ever been diagnosed as bipolar. When I think of bipolar disorder and schiphozenia, those are two major categories on the mental illness scale. She said it was something she wanted to look into because most of my psych focus has been on ED and depression. "But I gut tells me there is more to it," Dr. X said. "I need to get all of your past medical records."

Dr. X said if she is right, it could be past and current medications that are causing the anxiety. I am still trying to process all of this. Dr. X has a background in ED. I checked her out good. She is not in RR but 20 minutes away in Virginia. I am feeling very positive and first time in weeks, I feel hopeful that someone knows what they are doing. I am on a low dose of remeron. She doesn't want me to completely stop yet but doesn't want me on the 60 mg of it either.

With my ED, I am doing a little better. Every morning, I  have a piece of toast with new Philly White Chocolate spread. It is awesome. Lunch is always with D. It helps me because meals are hard. Dinner is a Stouffers or Marie Calendars meal. It is just easy that way. Everything is there on one plate. Of late, all of the choices have been hard.


  1. I hope seeing this new therapist helps you feel better!
    stay strong, love always

  2. I hope the new therpist is helpful too, she sounds like someone that really knows what they are doing with the type of questions she is asking. Good luck with the appointment in a couple of weeks. Thinking of you!

  3. You told decrease of the current medicine dose has helped , Its already a positive sign . I hope ur Dr. X will certainly help u . Take care!!

  4. Hi Jackie! I hope you find the answers you need. I am praying for you!



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