I have to admit the last few weeks have been pretty rough for me. But with the help of new meds, a new therapist and a new outlook, I feel like I am slowing finding myself again.
For instance, this weekend I cleaned instead of spending it in bed. It started with my vaccum cleaner acting kind of wonky. Two weeks ago, I would have cried and took to the bed. Instead, I got out my screwdriver and took the vacuum apart, found the problem and now vacuum works. And from there, I got the cleaning bug.
Over a two day period I:
--cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom and mopped it.
--mopped the kitchen floor
--sorted and separated six boxes of magazines that have been donated to six charity organizations
--made a quick ass tomato basil soup
--changed the sheets and pillow cases on my bed
There are still things to do such as laundry and other stuff. When I went to bed Monday night, I felt like I had accomplished something. Now I still have some dark moments but not as many as I once did. I am looking forward to my therapy session on Friday and going home to see my boy Saturday.
JJ gives me hope and a reason to try just a little bit harder. In a hour long phone conversation Monday, we discussed everything from the new Avengers movie to what is Black History Month to who loves who more. He makes my heart happy. Sometimes I am amazed that I help to create someone like him. JJ is on a mission to figure out what he wants to do with his life at six. In the past, he has wanted to be Spiderman, an astronaut and an evil scientist. Now, his goal is to be a part of the circus--either a lion tamer or a trapeze artist. But thing that made me smile was when he asked me if I would be proud of him as a lion tamer. I told him that I will be proud of him no matter what he decides to be. There are times I don’t get why he loves me. I mean I have issues that he shouldn’t know about. He shouldn’t know words like anorexia or depression. He knows his mommy isn’t like other mommies but he said he doesn’t care because I am his mommy and I am special to him.
1. My tomato basil soup is awesome
2. Having my living room clean after delivering six boxes of magazines
3. Finding Ms. Kitty, who was gone for three days.