NotesFromtheVoices

My mom is doing somewhat better. Yesterday, I had a Top Chef moment. My mother said she felt like she could eat. My mission--chicken wings and gravy with homemade mashed potatoes. I was up for it. It has been a long time since I have made homemade mashed potatoes. I have issues with mayo. I had can eat a sandwich or something with mayo in it as long as I am not the person putting the mayo in it. Don't ask why. It has been a quirk for awhile now. Anyway, the meal was a success. My mom didn't eat much but my aunt and cousins were quite impressed. They had forgotten that I knew how to cook. My brother is a single dad. So I try to be a supportive sister and aunt. My aunt Em takes care of D while my brother is working. Yesterday, in the midst of a rough day, I get a call from my brother wanting to know if I would watch D. I told him it would be hard considering how sick our mom and how hyper and rambunctious D is. My brother said he needed a break. It has been the longest 24 hours...

The last few weeks have been rough for me. It has ranged from being sick to dealing with crazy work issues to custody issues and my mom's illness. A person can only take but so much and having a breaking point. Mine came in the grocery store on aisle 13. I was buying baby food for my mom. It is the only thing she can keep down after having chemo. Standing in front of rows of baby food overwhelmed me. Years ago, I had stood in the same aisle buying this food for my infant son. And now for my mom. I stood there and cried until a lady came up and ask what was wrong. It all came out in a jumble but she understood and gave met me the hug and words of encouragment I need. My mom looks the way I looked at my lowest point. It is a quite humbling moment. It tells me how far I have come but shows I have many miles to go. Only five pounds now separate us--she at her weakest and me at my strongest. Instead of having one more intense chemo session. Her doctor has broken it up into mini ones. ...

Curious George and Munchos keep me going on a long day at the office! For me, a week is defined Tuesday to Monday. So technically for this week, I worked Tuesday and Wednesday. I will be off on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday to go home and see my mom and son. And finish the week on Monday. In my two days, I have worked 26 hours. I have meetings in the morning and at night so I could easily get the 16 hours I need to make 40 hours without touching my sick or vacation time on Monday. This is sad. But I do what I do to save those precious hours in case my mom or son gets sick. I am ready to get on the road in the early a.m. while most are asleep. I'm excited but nervous about going home. I found this thing in People magazine that asked 20 questions. I decided to do it. The first thing I do in the morning is... turn on the tv to watch the morning news. The last thing my son did that made me laugh was... explaining the difference between boys and girls. My least f...

This has been the perfect day. I got up just in time to get the last Sunday newspaper out of the box. And get in my morning walk before it got to hot. And by hot, I mean 101 degrees with a 109 heat index. I ventured out when it was about 87. I haven't been outside since. So what did I do today?  Well, I: This is what it looked like on the bag. Looked like this except creamier and more spinach on my plate! --Cooked a bag of Bertolli's Chicken Florentine and Farfalle. It had lots of spinach. I don't really like spinach but I am trying to eat more veggies and to see if I really hate certain foods or if it is ED that hates the food. I am on the fence about spinach. I like it as long as there is a creamy sauce or cheese. I used my handy dandy electric to make it for lunch and dinner. It was pretty good. --Watched a marathon of Ice Truckers. This show fascinates me. They must make some serious bank to put their lives on the line. They are driving on ice. Amazing. --Too...

I love Saturdays especially a Saturday I don't have to work. So today, for the first time in 10 years, I wore shorts. This has been a big year for me because I would never wear dresses, skirts and shorts. I didn't like the way my legs looked. Today, I wore shorts. We had a heat index of 109 degrees. I ran some errands during coolness of when it was 85 degrees. And it is suppose to be even hotter tomorrow. And I plan to enjoy the air condition splendor of my room. I woke up this morning craving nachos. At first, I thought it was a fluke but I really wanted some nachos. So for lunch, I had  nacho bell grande from Taco Bell. I have never ordered one because of all of the ingredients. I ate everything but the tomatoes.  For the longest time, I couldn't watch the Food Network or any type of food show. I would subsitute watching the show for eating. So I stopped watching because I was afraid. A few months ago, I watched a marathon of Top Chef. I was hooked.  I have come a l...

It will be almost a year since I picked up and moved. In that time, I have took all that my husband could dish. I have dealt with snide remarks, supervised vistations and other humiliations. I am a true believer in karma. If you do good, it will come back to you. But if you do back, karma is a very vengeful and vindictive bitch. Today, karma paid him back. He was dumped by his significant other on his birthday. I know because he sent me a text about it. So I called him. Not gloat. Not to rub it in. But honestly, just to be a good person and to listen. I would love to say we are friends but maybe someday we will get back to that. Today, I was good person comforting the father of my child. I let him vent and cry. Why? Birthdays are sacred to me. It was the day your life began and it is special. To me, more special than any holiday. It is your day to celebrate the fact you lived another year. You don't dump someone on their birthday. No mattter how much of a prick they are. And trus...

I found this quote at a local school. It made me think. This past weekend, I started taking my meds again. I briefly debated starting them. But with everything going on in my life, I decided to take the pills. The steroids I had to take wiped out what little appetite I had. The meds give me an appetite and help me sleep. Today has been a so-so day. It has been so humid and free mocha frappe made it all better. There was a free coupon in the newspaper for one. So I had a frappe and  double cheeseburger. It wasn't the most nutritious lunch but it was good. I donated a bunch of magazines to a library that is trying to get off the ground.  I have gotten hooked on Top Chef. It makes me think about how in another life, I could have been in a chef . But ED took away my love of cooking. I am slowly gaining it back. It makes me think of all the things that ED has taken. I have lost friends and boyfriends. There have been job and social opportunities. ED has made me afraid to try new ...

Apparently, July is a busy month for doctor appointments. After calling six doctor's offices, the earliest appointment I could get is next Thursday. The latest is the third week in August. I took next Thursday. I am not stressing or dwelling. Those two things have gotten me in trouble in the past. I made the appointment and now I shall wait. I want thank everyone for their concern. Do not worry, I am not putting this off. But I am not telling my mom. I don't want her to worry. She has enough on her plate. So I am going to think positive thoughts and hope it is just nothing. It is better to be safe than sorry. I feel like this post is one big cliche. My mom is in the hospital. She has been since Friday. She kept this little factoid from because she didn't want me running home. On one hand, I understand but on the other I am slightly peeved. Only slightly, I love my mom and I know she was looking out for me. Her doctor is concern with her weight loss and put her in the ho...

Things are starting to change in not only my professional but personal life. Today, I did absolutely nothing. The most strenuous thing I did was change the channel on the tv. This upcoming week is going to be brutal for me. I will have four days to work and organize my life before going home. My mom needs me. Her last chemo session is suppose to be Tuesday. It depends on if the doctor thinks she is strong enough. I am going home to take care of her for a few days. So today, I did nothing but read magazines and watch tv. At work, my name was drawn for two free movie tickets. I have yet to see Eclipse. I think I might walk up the street to the movie theatre tomorrow. I still struggle with staying here or moving home. I feel guilty being here but I would be absolutely miserable being home. I love it here. I have finally found a place to call home. I want to be a good daughter and mother but I just can't move back. There are some jobs in the area now. Am I being a selfish person or...

It is has been a longtime but today I woke knowing it would be a good day. There was no bargaining with myself to get out of bed. I just did it willingly. Found the perfect outfit with cutest red peep toe heels. I look and feel AWESOME. It scares me when I am in a good mood because I wonder what will happen when the other shoe drops. But I will not worry about that today. I will just wallow in the awesomest of it. I ate breakfast. Breakfast is the one meal I have never cared much for because I see breakfast time as extra sleep. This morning I stopped for a steak biscuit and Mocha Joe from Burger King. If I could sing, which I can’t, I would sing “I feel pretty.” Part of my good mood stems from hearing some very good news from my mom. When she started her chemo, she had about 900 and something tumor markers. I think the highest one can go is about 2,000. Anyway, her doctor told her she has lost about 600 tumor markers. This means the chemo is working. I did a happy dance last night to t...

I bring you greeting from my second home--my desk. The picture is of my computer and my muse, Bonnie the Bunny, who watches as I write my stories. There is one of several mugs of pens on my desk along with the candy cup and a picture of my little guy, JJ. This is where I spend most of my 50 plus hours each week. I love my little world. Writing has always been a passion of mind. I have tried to write some fiction and some really bad poetry. The things I have done to woo guys. It was bad. Anyway, I have found my calling in being a reporter. I love being able to tell someone’s story. To them, it may not be important but to me it is. On Tuesday, I did an interview that warmed my heart and delayed dinner by an hour. I met a Swedish man who is bicycling all over Europe and the United States. And with him is the ashes of 12-year-old boy. The boy’s wish was have his ashes scattered all over the world and Anders is fulfilling the request. I had a chance to see the ashes scattered here in RR. T...

Today was suppose to be my day off. It was for the most part. I only worked four hours in 2 hour blocks. Anyway in my roaming around, I learned five things that I feel like sharing. 1. I found someone more socially awkward than me. This is a big thing because I am not a people person. 2. I drink entirely too much orange soda. 3. I want to work on Saturdays so I can be off from work on Mondays. 4. Senior citizen men just love talking to me. I think it is because I am so tiny and look so young. 5. The most interesting conversations happen in the laundromat. It is raining. I am so glad it is tonight and not tomorrow. I have a meeting to cover tomorrow night and don't like driving in the rain. Interviews are starting for the managing editor position at my newspaper. I so want D to get it. Not only because she is my friend but because I think she will do a great job. Life has not been good in the newsroom lately. I love my job but I don't like actually going into the building. So I ...

I work. I sleep and eat. And I work. This has been my life. Now throw in a little exhaustion and an upper respiratory infection and what do you have? A Silly Girl who wants more out of life. I spent the day thinking of ways out of my rut. Socializing with others would be a good start. I am not good with people. I am a great at interviewing them and writing stories but no so good with the conversation and socializing. I decided to come with 10 things to do by December 31, 2010--10 in 10! 1. Plan a social event. This could range from planning a party to going out with friends. 2. Go to Richmond, Va. I think Richmond is about an hour from here. One of my friends lives there. 3. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity I have written a ton of stories about this organization and believe in their cause. 4. Learn to swim. After almost drowning, I need to learn. Plus, D lives at the lake. 5. Watch a major sporting event with others instead of alone. 6. Have my son visit me in RR. I want him to see ...

I return to work this week with a slight vegenance. It is hard working while trying to get well. This heat is so draining. But I have been working on a balance. RR is a great city but does not have much in terms of thrift stores. I love a good thrift store. There is something about finding a good deal while helping out a good cause. There is a consignment store in the mall that fills that need for me. I have found some of the most awesome things for good prices. After a long week that ended with D being sick and me being frustrated, I needed some retail therapy. Those shoes pictured cost me $8 total. It is amazing a pair of shoes can refresh an outfit. There is a small group of women at the newspaper who I consider style goddess. These gals can dress and do it on a budget. Yesterday, I made it into the group. One of them, R, who always looks so polished. The humidity has been awful but she still looks like she just stepped out of the shower. I ran into her in the break room while weari...

I awoke with a mission this morning. I was working a little at the newspaper. I love holidays at the paper. No one else is there. It's just my computer, the scanner and I. And D showed up. We had breakfast from Hardees and talked about the weekend while she downloaded a ton of photos. The easiest five hours of work ever. And I did have to write a story and prepare my story budget. I wish all days could be like this--stress free. I can feel change in the air. And for the first time, I am not afraid. I am ready to face it head on. And once things get stable at the paper, I am taking a swimming class so the next time I jump in the water I will enjoy it and not almost drown. I am still on the mend. The past few days have been nice with rest and low humidity. It is time to return to the work and high humidity. I have learned my lesson. It is no fun having time off while sick. There were so many things I wanted to do but couldn't. As I write this, I am watching one of my favorite mov...

I woke up today feeling a little bit more like me. After ordering a biscuit and gravy to go, I read the Sunday paper without having to take a nap. I folded and put away a month's worth of laundry while catching up on Top Chief--Washington DC. Since today is July 4th, I grilled some chicken on my George Foreman. And then took a loooong nap. A few weeks ago, I found this column online that asked if you could have just ten, what books would you keep? What if I had to choose just ten books to last me for the rest of my life? It is a question I ask sometimes when I look at the shelf in my room. It is stacked with many books and magazines. I can't imagine not having books in my life. It has taken me about three weeks but here are my selections. 1. A blank book for my writing. It is not good for my thoughts to stay in my head. 2. The Bible: I am a spiritual person. My grandmother read the Bible to me as a child. And when she became ill, I read the Bible to her. Some of my best times w...

Today finds me feeling better. I never thought I would feel this way again. I have a runny nose and can't stop sneezing. I have never felt so happy. I am finally getting better. I love Dr. B for finding the right combination. The time off has been nice. One of my favorite movies, Runaway Bride, was on. I have been reading some back issues of Shape. I saw a question that asked what do I love about my body? My breasts. I was a late bloomer. I only wore a bra in high school because I didn't want to be called a freak in gym class for not wearing one. I figured I would always be small up top. And then something wonderful happen--the birth of JJ. Mama got boobs. I can feel out a top and some really cute dresses now. Makes a gal strut. And not to be too TMI--sometimes I do a little happy dance topless. Even with ED trying to whisper in my ears. I love my breasts. They may not be much for some but I love my girls. There I said it. I must go because I hear some peanut butter panic ice c...

I woke up at 4:30 a.m. and couldn't go back to sleep. I read the new GQ with Taylor Lautener on the cover. He is absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen the latest Twilight movie. And I live down the street from the theater. The theater here only shows 3 movies so options are limited. But the place has been packed thanks to Twilight. I started the antibotics, steroids and decongestant. I feel even worse but I think that is normal. I left the room to go to the bank and the post office, which left me quite tired. I have read a ton of magazines and watched Grey's Anatomy. Basically, I am behaving. My mom is so worried about me. She has called a few times. I was checking the NC Press Association website. The Gaston Gazette needs a reporter and so does the Fayetteville. Gastonia is an hour from my mom. I'm not sure about applying for it. Deep down inside I know the answer--I want to stay here. I like it here. For the first time in a long time, I have friends and colleagues are g...