Thursday, July 29, 2010

Breaking point

The last few weeks have been rough for me. It has ranged from being sick to dealing with crazy work issues to custody issues and my mom's illness. A person can only take but so much and having a breaking point. Mine came in the grocery store on aisle 13. I was buying baby food for my mom. It is the only thing she can keep down after having chemo. Standing in front of rows of baby food overwhelmed me. Years ago, I had stood in the same aisle buying this food for my infant son. And now for my mom. I stood there and cried until a lady came up and ask what was wrong. It all came out in a jumble but she understood and gave met me the hug and words of encouragment I need.

My mom looks the way I looked at my lowest point. It is a quite humbling moment. It tells me how far I have come but shows I have many miles to go. Only five pounds now separate us--she at her weakest and me at my strongest. Instead of having one more intense chemo session. Her doctor has broken it up into mini ones. He is worried, with good reason, that she might not be able to withstand it.

When I arrived, her appearance stunned me. I hadn't been home since mid-May so I wouldn't make her sick. In that time, things got bad. Seeing my mom was seeing what myself looked like 2 years ago. It motivates me to try harder. She is struggling to keep baby food down.

I took the job in RR because I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't stand seeing her sick. And I couldn't deal with fact that my marriage wasn't working so I moved five hours a way to get a handle on things. It was this time a year ago, I found out about the job. I love this job. And I will hang onto it as long as possible. But when I am needed, I will move home. I have made peace with it. So until then, I will continue to be the best Lois Lane I can be.

Daily Dose

1. A beef mexi-melt and an Instyle Magazine hit the spot on a rough day.
2. Having a reality check.
3. A new season of Project Runway to watch.

5 comments:

  1. i hope you're okay :( and im so sorry to here about your mom! give her a hug from me :) stay strong though :) xxx

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  2. I'm thinking and praying for your strength as well as your moms. Keep holding on, things will brighten up soon. (:

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  3. Just wanted to tell you I am thinking of you. I hope you're okay and I hope you're mum get's a little better soon. Sorry you're having such a rough time.
    *hugs*
    Sarah

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  4. I know that's gotta be so hard. Keep on being strong, break when you have to and then just keep going. Hang in there.

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  5. i'm so sorry for you for breaking down at the grocery store.. I know what it feels like to want to cry in the middle of the street.

    Hope this tough time ends soon!

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