Breaking point

-
The last few weeks have been rough for me. It has ranged from being sick to dealing with crazy work issues to custody issues and my mom's illness. A person can only take but so much and having a breaking point. Mine came in the grocery store on aisle 13. I was buying baby food for my mom. It is the only thing she can keep down after having chemo. Standing in front of rows of baby food overwhelmed me. Years ago, I had stood in the same aisle buying this food for my infant son. And now for my mom. I stood there and cried until a lady came up and ask what was wrong. It all came out in a jumble but she understood and gave met me the hug and words of encouragment I need.

My mom looks the way I looked at my lowest point. It is a quite humbling moment. It tells me how far I have come but shows I have many miles to go. Only five pounds now separate us--she at her weakest and me at my strongest. Instead of having one more intense chemo session. Her doctor has broken it up into mini ones. He is worried, with good reason, that she might not be able to withstand it.

When I arrived, her appearance stunned me. I hadn't been home since mid-May so I wouldn't make her sick. In that time, things got bad. Seeing my mom was seeing what myself looked like 2 years ago. It motivates me to try harder. She is struggling to keep baby food down.

I took the job in RR because I couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't stand seeing her sick. And I couldn't deal with fact that my marriage wasn't working so I moved five hours a way to get a handle on things. It was this time a year ago, I found out about the job. I love this job. And I will hang onto it as long as possible. But when I am needed, I will move home. I have made peace with it. So until then, I will continue to be the best Lois Lane I can be.

Daily Dose

1. A beef mexi-melt and an Instyle Magazine hit the spot on a rough day.
2. Having a reality check.
3. A new season of Project Runway to watch.

Comments

  1. SarahJuly 29, 2010 at 10:26 PM

    i hope you're okay :( and im so sorry to here about your mom! give her a hug from me :) stay strong though :) xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. S.A.July 29, 2010 at 11:23 PM

    I'm thinking and praying for your strength as well as your moms. Keep holding on, things will brighten up soon. (:

    ReplyDelete
  3. SairsJuly 30, 2010 at 5:46 AM

    Just wanted to tell you I am thinking of you. I hope you're okay and I hope you're mum get's a little better soon. Sorry you're having such a rough time.
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  4. CeCeJuly 30, 2010 at 11:23 AM

    I know that's gotta be so hard. Keep on being strong, break when you have to and then just keep going. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. annamariaJuly 31, 2010 at 8:25 AM

    i'm so sorry for you for breaking down at the grocery store.. I know what it feels like to want to cry in the middle of the street.

    Hope this tough time ends soon!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BOOK REVIEW: The Other Emily by Dean Koontz

-
Image
  It is hard to write about "The Other Emily" by Dean Koontz. It is not because it is a bad book. I was pretty pleased with and enjoyed it. But how do you write about a book without giving away key plot points? The synopsis is simple. Emily Carlino vanished 10 years ago after her car broke down on a California highway. She was presumed to be one of serial killer Ronny Lee Jessup’s victims. Her remains were never found. Emily was the love of writer David Thorne’s life. He hasn’t recovered from losing her or from the guilt of not being there to save her. Since then,   Thorne has sought closure any way he can. He visits with Jessup regularly in prison, desperate for answers about Emily’s final hours so he may finally lay her body to rest. Then Thorne meets Maddison Sutton. Everything about Maddison from her face to her kisses is just like Emily.   Is she Emily? Or an irresistible dead ringer? Either way, the ultimate question is the same: What game is she playing? What
Read more

COVID is the worst

-
It has been almost two weeks since my son was diagnosed with COVID-19. COVID is the worst because there are very few ways to treat it. And you can't be near your loved one. So I am calling a few times a day and praying. I visited him on Saturday. He stood at his window and waved at me standing outside of it.   There are 608,946 people in South Carolina who have or had COVID. My son is one of those people.  He isn't just a number. He is a 15-year-old wise-ass who loves to play video games, read anime, and sing. He is not sure what he wants to do with his life but I want him to be able to have a life. 
Read more

Stopping a downward spiral

-
In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth.  Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite.  I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety. And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area who can he
Read more