NotesFromtheVoices

Long story short--My husband had to work so no time with my son. I just kind of did nothing this weekend. Everything I had planned was based around JJ. To cheer myself up, I got my hair cut. It looks awesome. So awesome that included some photos. It is amazing how a simple cut and relaxer to the hair is such a pick me up. Plus, the lady who did my hair said my hair is very healthy. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I worked some on Saturday and then had an impromtu photo session with my partner-in-crime and co-worker D. I am not a picture person but feel I do need some photos of myself. The cut looks awesome even if it was windy. After two really good days after chemo, my mom feels like crap. The third through fifth days are really rough on her body. She has no appetite and aches. I feel so bad for her. But she is being quite a trouper. On Sunday, I read the Sunday paper and watched a marathon of “The Hills.” The weekend wasn’t a total lost. And for the first time in awhil...

My mom rocks! She had chemo yesterday and said she felt so good that she drove her car for the first time in months. And it's a stick shift and she has a broken arm. Amazing! And she isn't taking much morphine for pain. When I grew up, I want to be just like my mom. She fucking rocks! There I said it. I finally settled on a therapist. My first appointment is next Thursday. I wanted an ED specialist but this would involved driving either an hour and half to two hours away. I found a doctor who is willing to work with me about ED and other issues (mom dying of cancer, pending divorce and missing my son). I am leaning strongly for going back on my meds. With the way things have been going, I need therapy and meds. I did an interview at an assisted living center, which warmed my soul. Not only did I meet some really nice residents but two of the ladies in charge are thrift store junkies like me. We compared outfits and what stores they came from. In RR, there is cool consignment th...

It was busy week! I didn't realize I how much I missed this place. It is my home. Yesterday, I covered my first triathlon. It was so cool. It was considered a sprint triathlon because it consisted of a 300 yard swim, 14.8 mile bike course and 3.2 mile run. I am strongly considering finding a group so I can do the relay part of this event. Swimming is not my thing but I love running. But it has inspired me to stay healthy. Yesterday, was a 12-hour day with triathlon and home and garden show. I am tired but I loved it. My mom is doing okay. She is having good and bad days. She has hardly know appetite. Hopefully, my son will be coming for a visit this weekend. I am keeping my fingers crossed. It all depends on my husband's mood. I have found a dentist who will help me restore my smile. With my insurance, roughly about four years and $3,400--I should have my smile back. ED did some serious damage do my teeth. I will have 17 teeth pulled since they can't be saved. I am so excit...

I have returned to work after being gone for a week. I was happy to get my mom settled and come up with a plan. But I am so glad to be back in my space and my world. I no longer fit in there. She was so happy to be home. Since the weather is getting warm, she is going outside more. I think this will help improve her. Plus, I’ll check in a few times each day. I am still torn between working and taking care of her. But right now, she is doing okay and it is best we continue to live our lives. Before returning home, I spent sometime with JJ. We watched a Wolverine dvd and played with dragons. I enjoy anytime I can spend with my son. Hopefully, next weekend, he will come to RR and see things here. On my first day back, I got to cover an event outside where schoolkids learned about colonial times. I love outside events and seeing kids learn something. I had a great time. It made me realize how much I love writing. Daily Dose 1. Sleeping in my own bed. 2. Spending time with my son. 3. Prepar...

After being here a week and two days, my mom is getting ready to go home. She ate her breakfast with no complaints. I slept. I can find something to eat on the way home. Every two hours, my mom got up to use the bathroom. If she is up, I am up. Well, I need to go and make my final walk of the perimeter. It will be so good to get her home and settled in. Then I am going to spend sometime with my son tonight. And then I will be heading home tomorrow afternoon. Daily Dose 1. She is going home! 2. She is semi-regular again! 3. Things can get back to somewhat normal.

As I write this, I am eating a cup of butter pecan ice cream. In the background, is my mom is trying to eat her dinner. Dinner is a Greek salad with feta cheese, bananas peppers, olives and lettuce. There is chicken salad pita pocket and mushroom barley soup. Her meal is something people would pay a lot of money for at any of the resturants in the area. She hated it. It tasted okay to me. When it comes to food, my mom is traditional and goes with the familiar. This experience has not been good for her. We are still at the hospital. At the last minute, her doctor decided she needed to stay one more day. She is not happy. This is the understatement of the year. I have made the best of a interesting situation. I take two walks in the morning and evening of the perimeter. At the ice cream shop, I am known as the hospital chick. On their menu is 42 flavors. I have tried 28 of those flavors. It has been me, the recovering one, to convince my mother to try new things. I have to admit some of ...

After being here a few days, I have realized something. Everyone on this floor has some form of cancer and they are in different stages. Even though, my mother and I are driving each other crazy, I still have her awake, lucid and hanging in there. Some people here are not so fortunate or blessed. The lady acorss the hall is in constant pain. So much pain that my mother had me unplug her IV machine and help her across the hall to talk with her. She said my mother brighten her day. Today has been interesting. I am really tired. You see I sleep when she sleeps. At night, my mom get up every two hours to go to the bathroom. Last night, I helped her to the bathroom but fell asleep before she was finished. She sat there patiently for 20 minutes because she didn't have the heart to wake me up. I felt really bad. She said it was cool because she has been a little difficult. Foodwise, things have been pretty decent. For breakfast, she had a ham and cheese crossaint with breakfast potatoes. ...

We are still here at the hospital. My mom is getting better but grumpier. She's ready to go home. Today, I left the hospital campus and ventured to a Rite Aid. My mom wanted a pedicure. Or as close to one I could give. Next to the Rite Aid, a Books-A-Million with a Chick-fil-A nearby. Cue the angels and light shining from heaven. I was a happy Silly Girl. So for lunch, my mom had chicken wings and dirty rice from Bojangles while I had my favorite Chick-fil-A meal. Her turkey club wrap looked at us while we ate. For dinner, I advised my mother to try White Chicken Chili in a bread bowl for dinner from the hospital. She took one bite and spit it into her napkin. I went to hospital cafeteria and got her fried chicken, black eyed peas, mashed potatoes and cornbread. She was happy. I got the chili. It wasn't bad. Could have been seasoned better but not bad. The picture I have posted is from JJ. He wrote his name--JJ. I am so proud of my baby. Daily Dose (Perks of living in a hospita...

I can work a 12 to 13 hour day with no problem. But I am about to go crazy here in this hospital. I don't like changes to my routine. When my mom eats breakfast, lunch and dinner, she expects me to eat also. Hospitals feed patients earlier than real life. Plus, I am not as open minded about food as I like to think. But I have been drinking more water just because it is good for me and my mom stares when I drink more than one soda a day. I have explored the hospital so this morning I ventured out to the surrounding streets. A community college is nearby so I explored the bookstore and the library. My mom is not to happy with me right now. I told the nurse about a wound (the size of a quarter) under her arm from radiation. It looks and smells bad. My mom and brother thought it would just get better on its own. She's in a hospital that is one of the best in the state and nation. I spoke up and they are pissed at me. For awhile today, I was wish I was home in my motel room. Daily D...

This is a picture of my nephew Devyn and my son, JJ, playing together. They are quite a pair. There has been a change in plan. My mother is still in the hospital. She took a bad fall in her hospital room yesterday afternoon. She fell on her already broken arm and because she was alone, no one knew she had fallen. She laid there for awhile and had an "accident." Meanwhile, I am in RR and my brother had went home to take a quick shower. We both felt horrible. So I am here now at the hospital with her until she is released. I have difficult decision to make--stay with my dream job in RR or move home and care for her. I had the talk with my editors and they are willing to do anything to keep me. My brother is doing best he can but it isn't fair on him to shoulder all of this. Tomorrow, I will talk with the staff to see if there is any options for my mother. She receives her cancer treatments at one of the hospitals in the area. It is hard. It feels like the roles are reversed...

I have been fantasizing about sleep. I dreamed about sleeping last night. I am tired. This has been a crazy crazy week. It is Easter weekend, which means Easter Egg hunts and church events. I have the weekend off. This is good. My mother has been in the hospital since yesterday morning. My brother and her decided not to tell me until after I had gotten off from work. They didn't want me to worry or try to get on the road. It is combination of the chemo drugs and not having much of an appetite. She said she is doing fine and for me to stay put. I love my job. In almost eight months, I have gotten a ton of experience. I would like to stay here awhile longer but I might have to move back home. My brother can't handle this all by himself. My dad isn't my brother's dad and my aunt is almost 70. I have started looking for jobs closer but there aren't any. And employment options are pretty limited down there. Fast food is an option but I really don't need to work aroun...