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Showing posts from May, 2010

Happy but loooooong days

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I hope everyone is having a nice Memorial Day weekend. I have had to work but I have also enjoyed myself immensely. The pictures are from me donating blood and from the barbecue cook off I covered. So many details, so little time.
On Thursday, I did a little happy dance. I got to donate blood. My iron level was perfect. I hate needles and I hate seeing my blood outside of my body. But for a few moments, I was enjoyed seeing my unit of blood. It is moments like these that tells me how important recovery is for me. Not only did I get to donate but I got a story out of it as well.
Later that evening, there was a car accident and a storm. I love being a reporter but I decided a long time ago where the line was between the story and my personal safety. I watched from the safety of the office as the storm happened and listened to the scanner. A lot of trees down and power lines but no was hurt. However, the ferris wheel for the carnival fell down. Would have loved to have had that picture bu…

Taking a moment to reflect.....

We all have issues. It is just a fact of life. And sometimes, things will overwhelm us. When I got to work yesterday, I found out the business manager’s grandson killed himself. He was only 31. Everyone was shocked and couldn’t understand why.

I can relate to him. I know how it feels to be in so much pain that ending seems like the only solution. My heart breaks for her and her family. He left behind a young son.
I have been in his situation.

In my case, I woke up with the intentions to die. Thank God, I thought about how much it would affect those left behind. Especially, my little JJ. It still scares me how close I was to ending it all.
This has made me think. I am glad have support in place to talk through issues.

Daily Dose
1. Having good support.
2. Wearing pink pants makes the day much nicer.
3. Taking things one at a time and not being overwhelmed by the big picture.

Damned if I do and damned if it don't

Whenever things are going well for me, I get scared because when it goes downhill it goes. The last few days have been going well. Let me apologize for this rant but I need to get it off my chest.

I am a reporter. Reporters do not make much money. Between bills and gas to visit my mom and JJ, I try to send money to my husband for my son. Apparently, it is not enough for him. While at the art thing I was covering, I get this long text from my husband that thanked me for the money send but basically said I wasn't doing a good enough job. I can't win. When I wasn't on my meds, he was concerned with my state of mind. And now, I am not doing enough. It started with me sending a money order instead of a check. He said I could have added that money to the amount. I was having a nice day. It got shot to hell.

Some days I don't call my son because I don't want to deal with him. I could send more money but then I couldn't visit as often. As my mom gets sicker, she wants t…

I have seen the End

Last night was the series finale of Lost. I think I experienced every emotion. I am very satisifed with the way the show ended. There will be armchair quarterbacking on it but I am pleased. It was a good ending. Now, there are questions about things but overall I am happy.

I made it a daylong event with hanging with friends and watching previous seasons. I went to bed at 2 a.m. I am tired but happy. I woke up with a stomachache around 5 a.m. A stomachache. I have had stomach viruses but I haven't had a stomachache in ages. I realize something about this as I took some nasty Pepto Bismol. In order to have a stomachache, one must overeat. And I did. Yesterday, I had sausage gravy biscuit. Then I had Swanson Hungry Man meal of chicken and mash potatoes. And for the Lost event, several slices of pizza, oreos, spinach dip, hummas and veggies. I think my poor tummy is in shock. I had a few moments where ED tried to whisper but I ignored them. A few months ago, I would not have been able …

Sex in the City--RR style

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Thursday was one of the best days I have had in a longtime. I lived in the moment. It was a Sex in the City moment. I had lunch with friends D and T. And it was wonderful. It nice to be with friends talking and joking around. Meals are tricky with me. Before coming to RR, I dreaded lunch with people. I am so glad that I confided in the about my ED. It has made thing easy and less stressful.

We went to Ryan's. I had the buffet. I didn't eat as much as them because I had a sausage and gravy biscuit for breaksfast at 9 a.m. We went to lunch at 11:30 a.m. I wasn't quite hungry but managed to eat a small salad, fish, baked beans, terkayi chicken and cottage cheese and pineapple. I washed all this down with some of the best sweet tea ever. I have to admit ED tried to mess with me but I wasn't letting it steal my joy. Not this day.

Afterwards, we hit this cool consignment shop where we tried on clothes. I tried on this dress that accenuated my body. It is form fitting and shows…

Trying to be zen

I had a great weekend. It was nice to visit my family but I am glad to be home. I love my little space. Things are a little better with my husband. I have requested bringing JJ up here in July. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this.

My mother's cancer has spread. It hasn't been confirmed by the doctor but I just know it. She complains of her legs and spine hurting--and not the broken arm. It has spread. I have a feeling we are getting to the point where her comfort becomes the priority.

How am I? I am glad to be back on my meds and have a support circle. I take it day by day. I have to be strong because I am my mom's daughter. If she can walk around with a broken arm and with minimal pain meds, then I can come to terms with it.

Today, I had a wonderful hour and half lunch with my person--D. She had seafood while had a grilled chicken breast the size my head. The thing was huge and it was good. It came with hushpuppies, a salad and baked potato. I like days like this. Leisu…

Having a lazy Saturday

It has been one of the best Saturdays in a longtime. First, I got to sleep in until 10. 10. Most mornings, okay all mornings, I am up at 6 a.m. and out the door by 6:50 to be at work by 7. Not this morning. After talking with my friend D and making arrangements with my husband about tomorrow with JJ, I got dress and had breakfast.

My mom wanted a lazy, leisurely day with me, my aunt EM and cousin. We started at this huge Goodwill near Charlotte. Then we headed to my childhood hometown for lunch a barbecue place. Nothing like fish, fries and hushpuppies. While in the hometown we shared a walk down memory lane. Then to a strawberry to pick strawberries. We all realize that we weren't strawberry picking gals so we brought the ones already picked.

We drove by where my Mom works and then back to my aunt's home. It was nice. I am tired but happy.

Once there, my mom felt like eating one of her favorite meals, salmon patties and rice. So I put on my Paula Deen hat and got to work. Salm…

Beautiful Blogger Award

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Thanks to my hectic week, I didn't realize that Sairs chose me to receive the Beautiful Blogger Award. I love her site because she has given me much inspiration and encouragement over the few months. So thanks a bunch for selecting me.

It was hard picking the five blogger. I wanted to select everyone but I think five is good number. And by the way Sairs if I could give it to you again I would. Thank you so much for all you do.

The first person I choose was the blogger, who inspired me to blog. She doesn't know but I guess she will now. I read her blog for months before deciding to take the plunge into the blogging world. Her blog gave me hope for life after recovering. Thank you Kim, from Adventures in wanting, for giving me and others hope and inspiration.

Next, I choose Anna.maria at f a k e . f a d i n g . m e m o r i e s. Your post are so full of life. I love your zest for life and your adventures. I can live vicariously through you some days.

Angela, from at Leaving ED, tha…

Getting ready to get on the road

It has been a long week with many changes at work. Sorry I distracted by the Prince of Persia trailer on tv. Jake Gyenhall is soooooo fine. Anyway, long week but I am done and leave for home in the early a.m. I plan to spend time with both JJ and my mom.

Her doctor suspended her chemo for three weeks so her body could have a break. She is so giddy about being normal for the next three weeks. Professionally, my life is going great. Personally, it sucks. I am on my meds and they seem to be working. My husband and I hardly talk. We communicate through texts or minimal conversation. I am not sure how to fix it. And I'm not sure I want to but I want us to be civil enough to be good parents to JJ. Why do things have to be so complicated?

While things are awkard and weird, I haven't restricted nor overeat. Breakfast is whatever I want it to be from chocolate donuts to sausage biscuit and gravy. No pressure and no regrets for me. Now lunch and dinner are balanced as much as possible. …

Relaxation is good for the soul

I spent Mother's Day somewhat alone. I received a ton of texts and calls wishing me Happy Mother's Day. The best call came from a sweet little boy, who said he has a surprise for me. And I have a surprise for him. By the end of the week, I should have of Burger King's Iron Man toys. He will be so happy.

I called my mother and wished her a Happy Mother's Day. I have said it before and I will say it again. My mommy rocks! She drove a little yesterday. I don't know how she drives a stick shift with a broken arm. She is AWESOME and AMAZING! I went to a Mother's Day dinner with a lady who I see a lot at the community college I cover. Her family treated me like I was one of them. The food was amazing and I didn't feel uncomfortable eating in front of them.

Today, I worked for three hours, did laundry and cleaned out my car. I watched "Halloween" while eating leftovers from the Mother's Day dinner and yelling at the tv. All in all, a very relaxing da…

I LOVE MY JOB

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Today was a busy day. I covered a vaccination clinic for dogs and cats and a community festival. But my favorite thing I did today was getting to interview Anoop Desai from last season's American Idol. It was an awesome interview and I took some great shows. He seems like such a nice guy. I am happy for him. He even serenaded a lady who missed his performance. I really hope his debut cd does well.

Festival food is the best. I had a sausage dog along with a bloomin onion, accordion type fries and plenty of water. I am looking forward to vegging. Since I am not going home for Mother's Day, I have been invited to homestyle dinner. Saying no wasn't an option. Plus, I need to be more sociable. All work, no play makes Silly Girl grumpy.

Daily Dose

1. Meeting Anoop Desai

2. Bloomin onions rock!

3. Appreciating the opportunities that my job gives me

A moment to breathe

It has been a looooooooooooong week. My week started with attending the funeral of friend. She was amazing and many came to say goodbye. Tuesday was election night. Wednesday was board of education and last night, a town meeting.

Tonight, I just want some old fashion R &R. It will involved pizza, hot wings and Criminal Minds marathon. This is my weekend to work so I am covering two festivals and stamp thing involving animals. And I hopefully--I will get to interview last season American Idol finalist Anoop Desai. He going to be singing at the festival.

After much thinking, I am not going home for Mother's Day. The price of gas is skyhigh and I can't swing going on home twice in one week. I just don't the funds for two trips. My mom wants me with her after her chemo on Tuesday. So Mother's Day will be delayed for a week. Walgreens had a special on making 8x10 collages. Normally, $3.99, I got them for 99 cents.

I started my meds last Friday night and everything seems …

In the nick of time.....

I had my first therapy visit. I am back on meds. I am tired but know I made the right decision. The next few months will be dicey from my mother's illness to custody issues with my husband.

A few days ago, I went to Pickle Land to say goodbye to a friend of mine. She was dying of lung cancer. Never smoked a day in her life. How do you say goodbye to someone? It was hard but I went. She died at some point on Friday. Her funeral is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it but I will be there.

My mom is doing okay and is considering stopping her chemo. My feelings are not important here. What is important is my mother's decision. If she wants to stop it, she can do it. It is her decision. I can tell the chemo is tough on her. I hope I never have to make a decision like this.

Daily Dose

1. Chicken salad on toast with provolone cheese.

2. Going back on the meds.

3. Greeting warm weather with a smile!