Saturday, May 29, 2010

Happy but loooooong days

I hope everyone is having a nice Memorial Day weekend. I have had to work but I have also enjoyed myself immensely. The pictures are from me donating blood and from the barbecue cook off I covered. So many details, so little time.
On Thursday, I did a little happy dance. I got to donate blood. My iron level was perfect. I hate needles and I hate seeing my blood outside of my body. But for a few moments, I was enjoyed seeing my unit of blood. It is moments like these that tells me how important recovery is for me. Not only did I get to donate but I got a story out of it as well.
Later that evening, there was a car accident and a storm. I love being a reporter but I decided a long time ago where the line was between the story and my personal safety. I watched from the safety of the office as the storm happened and listened to the scanner. A lot of trees down and power lines but no was hurt. However, the ferris wheel for the carnival fell down. Would have loved to have had that picture but once again, I value my life.
On Friday, I got tour a correctional insitution. I was the only female and got stared at quite a bit. Having those prison gates and barbed wire close behind me was quite unnerving. Instead of my usual Friday night Criminal Minds marathon, I put on a pretty dress and went to a chamber of commerce event. It was part work and part social for the barbecue cookoff at the lake. The Lake is sooooo beautiful. I have been giving some serious thought of ditching the motel and heading there. But that’s another story. Anyway, Friday was a night of accomplishments. First, I ate a sub sandwich outside. I have issues with mayo. For some reason, I don’t like to eat mayo unless someone else puts it on a sandwich. I did it myself. And it was delicious.
For most of the night, I interviewed pig cookers and other folks. I am not a barbecue person. And the thought of eating brought out some ED thoughts.
I stayed at D’s house. She lives at the Lake. Beautiful home, good fellowship--couldn’t have asked for a better Friday night.
I got up this morning (Saturday) and had to cover a yard sale, the barbecue cookoff and a summer carnival. I had a ham biscuit and some orange juice and got down to work.
The yard sale was fun. And get this, I brought a black Hermes bag. A Hermes bag for a $1 in great condition. I thought I was going to faint when I found it. Everything at this yard sale was for a $1 or less. Good stuff. Then I mention a Hermes bag for a $1.
Next, at the barbecue cookoff, I walked around for three hours talking to more people and sampling barbecue. Yes, I sampled barbecue and liked it. It is all in the sauce. And no sample was alike. By the time, I left the event, I was stuffed. I admit I had a few ED thought but overall, I’m okay.
I stopped the office to check in with my editor. And then, it was off to the carnival. More fun and some great photos. And I brought some chili cheese fries and some lemonade to take back to the office. I wrote two stories and downloaded a bunch of photos. I am tired but happy because I got a Hermes bag for a $1.
Daily Dose
1. I own a Hermes bag.
2. It was one of the best food days I have had in a longtime.
3. I got to donate blood. I helped three people.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Taking a moment to reflect.....

We all have issues. It is just a fact of life. And sometimes, things will overwhelm us. When I got to work yesterday, I found out the business manager’s grandson killed himself. He was only 31. Everyone was shocked and couldn’t understand why.

I can relate to him. I know how it feels to be in so much pain that ending seems like the only solution. My heart breaks for her and her family. He left behind a young son.
I have been in his situation.

In my case, I woke up with the intentions to die. Thank God, I thought about how much it would affect those left behind. Especially, my little JJ. It still scares me how close I was to ending it all.
This has made me think. I am glad have support in place to talk through issues.

Daily Dose
1. Having good support.
2. Wearing pink pants makes the day much nicer.
3. Taking things one at a time and not being overwhelmed by the big picture.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Damned if I do and damned if it don't

Whenever things are going well for me, I get scared because when it goes downhill it goes. The last few days have been going well. Let me apologize for this rant but I need to get it off my chest.

I am a reporter. Reporters do not make much money. Between bills and gas to visit my mom and JJ, I try to send money to my husband for my son. Apparently, it is not enough for him. While at the art thing I was covering, I get this long text from my husband that thanked me for the money send but basically said I wasn't doing a good enough job. I can't win. When I wasn't on my meds, he was concerned with my state of mind. And now, I am not doing enough. It started with me sending a money order instead of a check. He said I could have added that money to the amount. I was having a nice day. It got shot to hell.

Some days I don't call my son because I don't want to deal with him. I could send more money but then I couldn't visit as often. As my mom gets sicker, she wants to see me more. What am I to do? I am trying my hand at freelancing for magazines. I don't know how successful it will be but I am trying. I paid the cell phone bill for both of our cellphones. I guess this doesn't count. Maybe I should start sending him my share instead of paying the whole thing. See how he like that. Okay that would be petty. Sometimes I wonder if I should have applied for the job closer to home. But I don't feel like starting over. I'll talk with his later this week. Today, I just don't have the energy.

I have seen the End

Last night was the series finale of Lost. I think I experienced every emotion. I am very satisifed with the way the show ended. There will be armchair quarterbacking on it but I am pleased. It was a good ending. Now, there are questions about things but overall I am happy.

I made it a daylong event with hanging with friends and watching previous seasons. I went to bed at 2 a.m. I am tired but happy. I woke up with a stomachache around 5 a.m. A stomachache. I have had stomach viruses but I haven't had a stomachache in ages. I realize something about this as I took some nasty Pepto Bismol. In order to have a stomachache, one must overeat. And I did. Yesterday, I had sausage gravy biscuit. Then I had Swanson Hungry Man meal of chicken and mash potatoes. And for the Lost event, several slices of pizza, oreos, spinach dip, hummas and veggies. I think my poor tummy is in shock. I had a few moments where ED tried to whisper but I ignored them. A few months ago, I would not have been able to do this. I have come a long way. I still have a ways to go but it's cool.

Lost and Grey's Anatomy are really the only two shows I watch on a regular basis. I am not sure what to do with myself. Today is the Sip and See with the high school students showing off their art. I will be covering it. I think I'll wear one of my dresses and make myself look pretty.

Daily Dose

1. The creators of LOST stayed true to the end.

2. Hummas is pretty good especially with wheat thins.

3. Libraries rock!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sex in the City--RR style

Thursday was one of the best days I have had in a longtime. I lived in the moment. It was a Sex in the City moment. I had lunch with friends D and T. And it was wonderful. It nice to be with friends talking and joking around. Meals are tricky with me. Before coming to RR, I dreaded lunch with people. I am so glad that I confided in the about my ED. It has made thing easy and less stressful.

We went to Ryan's. I had the buffet. I didn't eat as much as them because I had a sausage and gravy biscuit for breaksfast at 9 a.m. We went to lunch at 11:30 a.m. I wasn't quite hungry but managed to eat a small salad, fish, baked beans, terkayi chicken and cottage cheese and pineapple. I washed all this down with some of the best sweet tea ever. I have to admit ED tried to mess with me but I wasn't letting it steal my joy. Not this day.

Afterwards, we hit this cool consignment shop where we tried on clothes. I tried on this dress that accenuated my body. It is form fitting and shows every curve I didn't realize I had. And get this, the dress is only $10. So I ended with three great tops, a pair of pink jeans and two dresses. Yes, I am becoming a dress girl. Even as I write this, I am still happy. Normally, I don't shop with women or anyone in general. I had a great time.

Later, I went to the booksale in town where I racked up on bargains. I got whole bag of magazines (about 30) for less than $2. $2. I am feeling pretty good about life. Last night, my husband and I were very nice to one another. I talked with JJ. It was great. Afterward, my husband and I texted back and forth about life. The divorce will happen but at least we're are trying to be grown up about it. The last thing I want to do is hurt JJ. Of all the things I have done in life, he is my greatest accomplishment. I will admit that I am screwed up. I refuse to mess up my baby. He is one of the reasons I got back on my meds. I was on a downward spiral. I have too much and too many people relying on me to let ED win. I just can't.

I just found out at that Passionate Blogger Award. Thank you so much Angela.

Daily Dose

1. For $10, I got a lot at the book sale. A LOT!

2. Season finale of Grey's Anatomy was AWESOME AWESOME!

3. Being able to live in the moment and realize it.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Trying to be zen

I had a great weekend. It was nice to visit my family but I am glad to be home. I love my little space. Things are a little better with my husband. I have requested bringing JJ up here in July. I am keeping my fingers crossed on this.

My mother's cancer has spread. It hasn't been confirmed by the doctor but I just know it. She complains of her legs and spine hurting--and not the broken arm. It has spread. I have a feeling we are getting to the point where her comfort becomes the priority.

How am I? I am glad to be back on my meds and have a support circle. I take it day by day. I have to be strong because I am my mom's daughter. If she can walk around with a broken arm and with minimal pain meds, then I can come to terms with it.

Today, I had a wonderful hour and half lunch with my person--D. She had seafood while had a grilled chicken breast the size my head. The thing was huge and it was good. It came with hushpuppies, a salad and baked potato. I like days like this. Leisurely and not rushed.

So in this particular moment in time, things are going okay. I am not stressed or worried. What will happen will happen.

Daily Dose

1. Butterfinger crisps

2. Watching Lost even though I am still confused

3. Making it home before 6 p.m.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Having a lazy Saturday

It has been one of the best Saturdays in a longtime. First, I got to sleep in until 10. 10. Most mornings, okay all mornings, I am up at 6 a.m. and out the door by 6:50 to be at work by 7. Not this morning. After talking with my friend D and making arrangements with my husband about tomorrow with JJ, I got dress and had breakfast.

My mom wanted a lazy, leisurely day with me, my aunt EM and cousin. We started at this huge Goodwill near Charlotte. Then we headed to my childhood hometown for lunch a barbecue place. Nothing like fish, fries and hushpuppies. While in the hometown we shared a walk down memory lane. Then to a strawberry to pick strawberries. We all realize that we weren't strawberry picking gals so we brought the ones already picked.

We drove by where my Mom works and then back to my aunt's home. It was nice. I am tired but happy.

Once there, my mom felt like eating one of her favorite meals, salmon patties and rice. So I put on my Paula Deen hat and got to work. Salmon is good but it takes me forever to get the smell out of my hands. My mom enjoyed her dinner. Of course, she was there watching and suggesting the whole way. It is nice to have moments like this. As Taylor Swift sings, "Today was a fairytale."

Daily Dose

1. Shopping with my mom

2. Cooking with my mom

3. Napping with my mom

Friday, May 14, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award

Thanks to my hectic week, I didn't realize that Sairs chose me to receive the Beautiful Blogger Award. I love her site because she has given me much inspiration and encouragement over the few months. So thanks a bunch for selecting me.

It was hard picking the five blogger. I wanted to select everyone but I think five is good number. And by the way Sairs if I could give it to you again I would. Thank you so much for all you do.

The first person I choose was the blogger, who inspired me to blog. She doesn't know but I guess she will now. I read her blog for months before deciding to take the plunge into the blogging world. Her blog gave me hope for life after recovering. Thank you Kim, from Adventures in wanting, for giving me and others hope and inspiration.

Next, I choose Anna.maria at f a k e . f a d i n g . m e m o r i e s. Your post are so full of life. I love your zest for life and your adventures. I can live vicariously through you some days.

Angela, from at Leaving ED, thank you thank you for your comments. I have followed you through your highs and lows. I admire your honesty and willing to share your story.

Greenfingers at A Gardeners Life in Motion. I just love your blog. It's amazing.

Finally, Robyn from fragments treasures measures, because her blog has a ray of sunshine on some day. I have enjoyed learned about Australia. And some day I will visit there. So thanks.

Well, that my list. It was hard because I wanted to give to many more. To everyone thanks for all of your support and encouragement. The last few months have been hard but thank you for making it a little bit easier.

Daily Dose

1. Hugs from my son and my mom. They are the best.

2. Eating hot wings and cold pepsi while sitting on a porch with my mom and watching the world go by.

3. Finding a pretty honest mechanic in my time of need today.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Getting ready to get on the road

It has been a long week with many changes at work. Sorry I distracted by the Prince of Persia trailer on tv. Jake Gyenhall is soooooo fine. Anyway, long week but I am done and leave for home in the early a.m. I plan to spend time with both JJ and my mom.

Her doctor suspended her chemo for three weeks so her body could have a break. She is so giddy about being normal for the next three weeks. Professionally, my life is going great. Personally, it sucks. I am on my meds and they seem to be working. My husband and I hardly talk. We communicate through texts or minimal conversation. I am not sure how to fix it. And I'm not sure I want to but I want us to be civil enough to be good parents to JJ. Why do things have to be so complicated?

While things are awkard and weird, I haven't restricted nor overeat. Breakfast is whatever I want it to be from chocolate donuts to sausage biscuit and gravy. No pressure and no regrets for me. Now lunch and dinner are balanced as much as possible. Next week, I will resume walking and in a few weeks jogging.

It was nice to be home before 8 p.m. It's budget season for towns, board of education, and county commissioners. Budgets that have to be passed by July 1. So for the next few weeks I will be busy with meetings.

My stress relief is visiting libraries and the college bookstore. The silence feels me with calmness. I need calmness.

Daily Dose

1. Homemade chicken wraps with tons of ranch and onions.

2. Being able to see my son and my mom.

3. Working to find my balance.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Relaxation is good for the soul

I spent Mother's Day somewhat alone. I received a ton of texts and calls wishing me Happy Mother's Day. The best call came from a sweet little boy, who said he has a surprise for me. And I have a surprise for him. By the end of the week, I should have of Burger King's Iron Man toys. He will be so happy.

I called my mother and wished her a Happy Mother's Day. I have said it before and I will say it again. My mommy rocks! She drove a little yesterday. I don't know how she drives a stick shift with a broken arm. She is AWESOME and AMAZING! I went to a Mother's Day dinner with a lady who I see a lot at the community college I cover. Her family treated me like I was one of them. The food was amazing and I didn't feel uncomfortable eating in front of them.

Today, I worked for three hours, did laundry and cleaned out my car. I watched "Halloween" while eating leftovers from the Mother's Day dinner and yelling at the tv. All in all, a very relaxing day. I could get used to life like this but tomorrow, I return to work and a 12 hour day.

My mom has an 8:45 a.m. doctor's appointment. Her and her doctor will decide how she will proceed with her chemo. I told her the decision is her's to make and I will support her 100 percent.

Daily Dose

1. Homemade cheesecake with fresh strawberries.

2. Having a guy flirt with me at the laundromat even though I looked bummy.

3. Making sure I am eating right and taking my vitamins so I can donate blood on May 27.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


Today was a busy day. I covered a vaccination clinic for dogs and cats and a community festival. But my favorite thing I did today was getting to interview Anoop Desai from last season's American Idol. It was an awesome interview and I took some great shows. He seems like such a nice guy. I am happy for him. He even serenaded a lady who missed his performance. I really hope his debut cd does well.

Festival food is the best. I had a sausage dog along with a bloomin onion, accordion type fries and plenty of water. I am looking forward to vegging. Since I am not going home for Mother's Day, I have been invited to homestyle dinner. Saying no wasn't an option. Plus, I need to be more sociable. All work, no play makes Silly Girl grumpy.

Daily Dose

1. Meeting Anoop Desai

2. Bloomin onions rock!

3. Appreciating the opportunities that my job gives me

Friday, May 7, 2010

A moment to breathe

It has been a looooooooooooong week. My week started with attending the funeral of friend. She was amazing and many came to say goodbye. Tuesday was election night. Wednesday was board of education and last night, a town meeting.

Tonight, I just want some old fashion R &R. It will involved pizza, hot wings and Criminal Minds marathon. This is my weekend to work so I am covering two festivals and stamp thing involving animals. And I hopefully--I will get to interview last season American Idol finalist Anoop Desai. He going to be singing at the festival.

After much thinking, I am not going home for Mother's Day. The price of gas is skyhigh and I can't swing going on home twice in one week. I just don't the funds for two trips. My mom wants me with her after her chemo on Tuesday. So Mother's Day will be delayed for a week. Walgreens had a special on making 8x10 collages. Normally, $3.99, I got them for 99 cents.

I started my meds last Friday night and everything seems to be going well. I feel like things are clearer.

Daily Dose

1. Honey chicken

2. Being given a box of magazines

3. Getting off from work before dark

Sunday, May 2, 2010

In the nick of time.....

I had my first therapy visit. I am back on meds. I am tired but know I made the right decision. The next few months will be dicey from my mother's illness to custody issues with my husband.

A few days ago, I went to Pickle Land to say goodbye to a friend of mine. She was dying of lung cancer. Never smoked a day in her life. How do you say goodbye to someone? It was hard but I went. She died at some point on Friday. Her funeral is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to it but I will be there.

My mom is doing okay and is considering stopping her chemo. My feelings are not important here. What is important is my mother's decision. If she wants to stop it, she can do it. It is her decision. I can tell the chemo is tough on her. I hope I never have to make a decision like this.

Daily Dose

1. Chicken salad on toast with provolone cheese.

2. Going back on the meds.

3. Greeting warm weather with a smile!

Happy New Year!!!!

Happy New Year! I will admit that 2017 wasn't the worst year of my life but it wasn't the best. I feel like I spent the entire time ...