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This is my journey as a writer trying to find a balance between recovering from anorexia and finding myself. It hasn't been easy but it has been so worth it.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

It has begun




It started snowing last night around 11 p.m. This morning, I took tons of pictures while waiting for my ride to work. I posted a picture I took on the avenue.


My feet are cold despite two pairs of thick socks in my work boots. I am looking forward to going home and enjoying the snow. I wish JJ was here so we could have snowball fight. Apparently here in RR, the snow shuts the town down. I had hoped to get a mocha Joe at the Burger King across the street but it’s not open. My co-worker took a picture of me trudging down the street from taking snow pictures. I think it is a pretty good shot. I don’t have many photos of myself.

People prepare for an impending snowstorm in different ways here. Shelves were emptied of bread, milk and beer. I prepared by doing my laundry. When it snows, I don’t buy milk and bread. I buy Tahitian Treat soda, Ritz crackers and pimento cheese. Those are my comfort foods along with a ton of magazines to read. I am more than half way through the new Stephen King novel. Right now, I am waiting for a statewide conference call for emergency management directors. It is all that stands between finishing my story, proofing pages and going home to put on my Curious George pajamas. Life does not get any better than this.

Daily Dose

1. Pimento cheese on Ritz crackers

2. The sound of sleet falling.

3. The beauty of snow.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

A snow storm is a brewing

I will not be able to go home this weekend due to a pending snow storm here and at home. I am not happy about this because I was looking forward to seeing my son and my mom. But it is better to be safe and warm than stranded and cold. Since I going to be around, I volunteered to work to help a co-worker out.

I got paid today and noticed on my check that my health and dental had been deducted. I have insurance. My cards went to my other address but I finally have insurance. I can't wait to start seeing a therapist and getting back on my meds. I am not restricting but my eating could be a whole lot better with meds and a therapist.

Overall, I am in a pretty decent mood. I am tired. So tired that I am not watching Grey's Anatomy and planning to go to bed when I am done downloading my photos for tomorrow's paper. I have a hot date with my two pillows later tonight. And I can't wait.

Daily Dose

1. I only had to pay for breakfast today. Lunch and dinner were free courtesy of the school system.

2. Even though I will still have to work, I want it to snow.

3. I am tired beyond belief but I still love the fact that I get paid to tell people stories.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Update about my mom

The doctor appointment for my mom went decent. Her doctor told her that her bones are very brittle. She will have to have 10 days of radiation and take a drug to help strengthen her bones. Then she will have a PET/CAT scans done. She is out of work until March 15. She sounds a little relieved but at the same time scared. She told me she knows that all of this isn't good.

My brother is scared and so am I. I am doing okay. I am glad that I will have a busy week filled with meetings to cover so I won't go insane with worry.

Robert Frost said it best --“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on.”

Daily Dose

1. A chocolate sundae from McDonald's hits the spot along with a double cheeseburger and fries.

2. A Joan of Arcadi marathon

3. The latest issue of Entertainment Weekly.

Some of my favorite things



(JJ on the slide at McDonald's. We had so much fun that day even in the midst of sadness.))

Normally, I would be asleep. But I have today off from work so I stayed up late watching my favorite movie, The Faculty. I couldn't asleep because I am very worried about my mother. On Friday, at work, she reached for something and cracked two bones in her arm. Later today she has an appointment with her cancer doctor. I'm pretty certain her cancer has spread.

I feel helpless and want to do more for her. But I don't know what to do.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Trying to reach my happy place

My happy place has always been reading a good book or visiting Staples. Today, I just couldn't find my way to my happy place. I went to bed with a headache and woke up with the same headache. Plus I was running late.

I wasn't looking forward to going to work because I had to cover two events outside of my beat. I am not familiar with the county that I actually live in because I spend so much time in the next county, which is my beat. But today, I was the only reporter that wasn't sick or didn't have to take a child to the doctor.

First, I covered hearing in court about a case that I wasn't familar with. In all of my years in journalism, I have never been in a courtroom. So no one told me that there is no set time that a case is called or that attorneys don't speak up when presenting.

While at the courthouse, I did something that I have been dreading and is probably the reason for my headache. I went to find out what steps I need to take in order to get a divorce. Yes, my husband and I are planning to get a divorce. It wasn't an easy conversation and the woman I talked was very nice and helpful.

However, by the time I got back to the newspaper, my head was pounding. I treated myself to Chick Filet because maybe some nuggets would help me get to my happy place. No such luck.

Later this afternoon, I had to cover a memorial service for minister that was killed in Haiti. It was beautiful and uplifting service. But this is the third funeral I have attended in a month. I don't know if I have it any me to attend another one. So now, I am taking a break from writing to eat some chili and celebrate my headache so slowly subsiding.

Maybe, tomorrow my happy place will come.

Daily Dose

1. Even though I was in a foul mood, I had a really great outfit day.

2. Grey Antamony comes on tonight.

3. In my newspaper, there is 20 percent off coupon for one item at Staples. I do believe I can see the exit sign for my happy place.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Making my heart sing

I can honestly say I am tired. I covered a Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. event that was a daylong event that included a march. A beautiful march that I covered in heels. A beautiful program that last ended up being a daylong event. I had to take a nap before I could write the story.

There is a Cadillac commercial that has a song that I can't get out of my head. The song is 1901 by Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. I love this song. I love dancing to it. It just makes my heart sing. Even though, I am exhausted, I mustered up my remaining energy to do a dance to this song.

Daily Dose

1. Wear sensible shoes when covering a march.

2. I love sleep.

3. Giving up Hoarders to talk to my husband.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Fridays are the best

After a long week, I plan to spend the day in my pajamas. I am not getting dress or doing anything. I plan to make some significant headway in the new Stephen King book and straighten up my room. I may go for a run later today. But today is about what makes Silly Girl happy.

Yesterday was one of the best days for me. I did a story on this automotive testing facility being built near here. The ceo, who's from England and has awesome accent, took me for a ride on the ride course in his BMW at speeds up to 90 mph. I love my job. Then afterwards, I was allowed to climb up onto the roof to take some pictures. I think I am finally coming back down from that amazing high.

Last night, I went out after work with some co-workers and friends for wings and drinks. I did a lemon shot and had a bunch of terakyi wings. I stepped outside of my comfort zone by eating in front of others and socializing. I had a really great time. I plan to do this more often. In fact, I am attending church tomorrow with a lady I met while covering some events. So I am trying to be more social and less isolated.

Daily Dose

1. Double stuff oreos and milk are pretty good for breakfast.

2. Having time to properly plan and cook lunch for myself.

3. The excitement is starting to build for the season premiere of Lost. I love this show and can't wait to see how it will end.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Out of sorts sorta kinda maybe



I think this is one of my favorite pictures of JJ. We were at McDonald's and he was trying to eat and play. The Playland room had lots of windows and was freezing. JJ and his little friends didn't notice this while playing. But other mothers and I noticed. I thought I was going to freeze but it was worth to see how happy JJ was to play with other kids.

I returned to work today. Things felt out of tune. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for Tuesday’s paper. I rarely get assignments from my editor because I usually come up with my own stuff or something from my beat falls in my lap. So Sunday, I tested that theory by picking up copies of the papers I missed and looking through them for story ideas.
At 9 a.m. this morning, I felt myself at a Ministers’ meeting and later finding out about a drug bust. I have two stories for Tuesday’s paper. It’s good to be home.

I will never get used to the cold but am loving the cute sweaters I own. I work in a newsroom where some are hot natured and the others of us have to learn to layer. I am looking forward to going home and vegging tonight. I have meetings on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights so chilling is definitely on the menu along with leftover pizza and soup.

I still haven’t heard anything about my insurance. I am going to talk with human resources tomorrow and hope for the best. I really need to see a therapist and be back on my meds.

Daily Dose

1. Steak biscuits are 99 cents at Bojangles. They are loaded with salt. Sometimes it is good to be bad. Plus, eating a steak biscuit makes me drink lots of water.

2. I am going to workout at the Wellness Center for the first time tomorrow evening before my meeting.

3. I love watching Chelsea Handler before going to bed.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Home sweet home

I came home last night. It has been a bittersweet. On one hand, I came for a funeral and to support my family but I also got to spend sometime with my son. JJ has discovered Power Rangers. So while he was the red and green ones (the good guys), I was the black one (the bad guy). My son told me that I make a great boy for being a girl. Apparently, I know how to play like a boy. We had fun. We also colored, watch movies and read books. I miss him a lot.

Before getting home, I went to Pickle Land to see one of my friends. We ate at Andy's and went to Wally World. It was nice way to spend the afternoon after being on the road.

Today, I ordered a pizza and spent the day unpacking and just vegging. Tomorrow, I return to work. I'm ready to write.

Daily Dose

1. The Watchmen is a great movie but loooong.

2. It is nice hanging with an old friend,

3. It's good to be home.

1.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A day for family

It was a bittersweet day. Today, Josh was buried. It was a wonderful funeral. He will be missed. The church was packed. Different people were invited to speak. I am not good at speaking in front a large group.

Josh was a really nice young man. He never met a stranger and always make me feel welcome. He was especially encouraging about my ED and my suicide attempt. He told that no matter how low or bad things were just remember how much JJ loves me and how he would feel without his mommy in his life. I took those words to heart. The world is a little bit dimmer without him in it.

My in-laws have their own family cemetery. This is where he was buried. At the end of the burial, four doves were released. One represented the Josh's spirit and the other three represented the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. All four were suppose to fly off together. The one representing Josh perched itself on a branch and didn't fly away until the casket was lowered in the ground. I guess he just wasn't ready to say goodbye.

JJ has a good grasp of what has happened. He told that Josh was in an accident. He died and is now in heaven with God. "He's an angel and he watches over us," JJ said. The only part he doesn't get is the casket and the burial. He slept through the funeral on my lap.

All in all, things have went very well considering the circumstances. Things have went well with plenty of fellowship and a ton of food.

Daily Dose

1. KFC has the best chicken.

2. The weather heated up to about 40 degrees.

3. The forecast is calling for snow. Maybe JJ and I can have a snowball fight before I return to RR.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Sad news

I got a phone early this morning that chilled me to the bone. My husband called me hysterical and crying. My first thought was that something had happened to my baby. I feel so awful to say this but I was relieved when I found out it wasn't JJ. My husband's nephew was killed in a car accident. A really nice kid who was always so wonderful to me. JJ absolutely adored his cousin.

I had taken some sinus meds last night so I was hoping when I woke up this morning that it all was just a bad dream. It wasn't. I talked with JJ and he said he's sad but he's okay. I don't think he really knows what it means.

I am headed down on Tuesday. I think the funeral is going to be Thursday. My husband and I have discussed whether or not JJ will go to the funeral. I think he can handle the funeral but my husband thinks all of the emotions of everyone else may be tough on him.

Daily Dose

1. Being able to appreciate life.

2. Finally getting over this cold.

Friday, January 1, 2010

A New Year

I rang in the 2010 with Theraflu and chocolate donuts. I still have a cough but I am feeling much better. I have to work tomorrow so I have to feel decent.

2009 was an interesting year that resulted in me finding my dream job. I had a chance to post some footage from Christmas. I'm not James Cameron but I think I did pretty decent.

I am looking forward to the new year. My resolutions are simple. I plan to keep my son as the number one priority in my life. Try to spend as much time as possible with my mom. Continue to be a good reporter. Maintain all the things I have been doing to help recover from my ED. Find the balance between work and fun. 2010 will be a year of many things. And I do believe I am ready for whatever comes my way.

Daily Dose
1. Criminal Minds marathon
2. Writing in my new journal
3. Hostess makes the best chocolate donuts.

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