Saturday, June 23, 2012

Rachel Ray, watch your back

Since starting the road to recovery, I have rediscovered my love of cooking. At one time, I was on the road to becoming a chef. This was one of many things that ED derailed. 

When ED had control, I limited myself to cooking a few select things. On my limited menuI can't believe I have missed out on so much. Now if I see a recipe I like, I try it. There is such tasty fun in failure. Recently, I got my hands on some old copies of Bon Appetits.

I lived on the edge by making some Honey-Chipotle Turkey Meatballs. They were awesome. A few years ago, I would not have even attempted it. 

This is one reason why recovery is so amazing. I am not limiting myself inside a box but branching out. And since I am cooking more, I don't eat out as much which is saving me money. 

A few weeks ago, I became obsessed with making the perfect grill cheese. I used various cheeses to see which made a tasty sandwich. My favorites were pepper jack cheese grill cheese and a cheddar bacon one. Like I said, there is fun in mistakes.

Most days, being able to come home and cook keeps me sane. I know this sounds crazy but some days I pretend I am Rachel Ray doing my own cooking show. It's cheesy but it makes me happy.

I think tomorrow I am making my own twist on chicken Alfredo. I don't have the proper noodles so I am using a penne pasta. I can hardly wait.


1. Covering a magic show. I felt like a little kid watching.

2. Chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. I tried to do shapes but it didn't work.

3. Rediscovering cooking!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Every three weeks, I have to work on Saturday. I look forward to it because I can be off on Mondays. I love having Monday off. It is like to ultimate day off for me. I cook a special meal, watch movies, read  magazines and just veg. I call it Marvelous Mondays. Now sometimes, I may have to cover an evening board of education meeting. But this is my choice.

I  have been looking forward to having Monday, June 25 off for the last 10 days. I found out this afternoon from my editor that I will have tomorrow (Friday) in place of Monday due to some stupid  press conference. Since it was education thing that started a year ago, he wanted me to cover it. First of all, this sucks. On the other two reporters' Mondays, I have had cover their things and not know what the hell was going on.

With all of the crap I deal with, Marvelous Mondays is what l look forward to. It keeps me somewhat sane and happy. For Monday, I  had planned to cook a roasted garlic chicken Alfredo. I guess it will be a Sunday meal.

I have to get this off my chest before it festers and causes some hurt feelings. So tomorrow, I will be packing. This was the final nail in the job hunting coffin. The hunt is on for a new job.


1. Strawberry shortcake ice cream

2. Having a five second delay in speaking!

3. Liquor stores have the best boxes to pack books in.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Meds are okay!!

I have always has a prickly relationship with medications. It bothers me, for one, that some little pills help to keep me balanced. Through the years, I have been on and off various medications. A few weeks ago, I had a realization that I am one of those people who will always have to be on medication. Currently, I take remeron and seroquel. The combination regulates my appetite and my mental well being. Without them, I am an angry, doom and gloom spewing meal restricting bitch.

I guess it has always bothered me that I couldn't help myself on my own. It has taken me many years and years of mistakes to realize it is okay to ask for help. Medications are key in my recovery. I can't do it alone. If I could, I wouldn't be writing this.

In other news, I have applied for a position at a newspaper that is a hour and half from JJ. I am working on application packet for a job at the beach. And some others have come open. I have started preliminary packing, I have a lot of stuff for one person especially books. I will miss RR but I will be able to see JJ a lot more.


1. Adele--I love her music. She is so AWESOME!

2. Strawberry eclair ice cream bars

3. Taking life one day at a time!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Making friends with the image in the mirror

I hate mirrors. There I said it. They are my archenemy and have ruined many potential good days. But to be honest, it is not the mirror’s fault. My image of myself is a work-in-progress. When I look in the mirror, most days I see a sumo wrestler. So I avoid them. I don’t use the restroom at work because we have two mirrors in the women’s restroom--a full-length that gets as you walk in the door and a second one where you need to wash your hands. So if the day starts out bad at home, I use the facilities at the Burger King across the street.

Until I became a healthy body weight, mirrors didn’t bother too me. I realized it is truly an issue when I overheard my co-worker D talking on the phone yesterday. She was telling a contact who I, as the education reporter, was. The person planned to attend an upcoming meeting and wanted to know who to look for at it. D described me as a “small, pretty black lady.” Small. She said small. I don’t feel small. A few months ago, I made peace with the fact that I am a size 8. 

When I asked her about her description of me, she thought I might be upset. I told her I wasn’t but was curious as to why she said I was small. Our exchange:
D--You are small.
Me--I disagreed.
D--I am a size 20. You are small.
Me--I guess I don’t see what you see.
D--You don’t and I will be here to remind of how well you are doing. Remember, I know what you looked like three years ago.

When I came here in August of 2009, I was 90 lbs, a size O and sickly looking. My identification for work looks awful. I “lost” the card on purpose. I just don't like to look at myself like that. But it does show me of how far I have come and how far I still have to go. In terms of recovery, I think I am almost halfway there. I just take it one day at a time.


1. Only one day of the school year left for the education reporter. YAY!!!
2. Working on plans for JJ’s possible visit to RR!
3. The weekend is almost here! Looking forward to sleeping in Saturday!

Sunday, June 3, 2012

The socialite of the Roanoke Valley takes a stand

I had to work this weekend but I went out and did things instead of indulging in my hobby of sleeping. It started Friday night when I got all dressed up to attend the Arts Council Members' event. I am not a member but I scored an invite due to my coverage of the council. And while I wasn't officially covering the event, I took some photos and shot some video to fulfill my monthly video requirement. It was nice getting dressed and being Jackie for a change instead of Jacqueline the reporter. I actually sat at table and had conversation with folks about everyday things and not the newspaper. I felt like real person.

But on Saturday morning, it was back to being reporter girl. I covered a car show that was benefiting the local Boys and Girls Club. I am not into cars so I had to work at making the story interesting. It involved a lot of walking so by 5 p.m., I was exhausted. I got my work done. Then  I switch gears to walk down the street from the newspaper to see a coworker sang at a supper club. Most of the people there were dressed nice while I was wearing jeans, a Wonder Woman t-shirt and Converse tennis shoes. I didn't care. I was being a supportive friend, who could barely keep her eyes open. I stayed for one set, made it home and crashed hard.

Which leads me today, I am tired and could have slept all day but I didn't. I went to see Snow White and the Huntsman. Why? The theatre here shows two movies. Two! You never know will be playing each weekend. We got lucky so I got my tired bones up and went. It was pretty good. Charlize Theron was AWESOME as the evil queen! 

I think my time here in RR is coming to an end. I love my job and the fact I found a good therapist. But I can't continue to work for peanuts, worry if this is my last week of work and missing my son. When I came here, the goal was to gain experience at a daily newspaper. Check! It was to start the ED recovery process and work toward and ED free life. Check! And to make my way back to my boy. But in order to provide support for him and myself, I need to start looking for another job. 

I thank God everyday for having a job in this tough economic environment. But for all of the work and time I put into this job, I make nothing. To save money, I have cut out cable, internet and other extras. There is nothing left to cut or give. I  have been looking for a part-time job to work on weekends. It will mean being tired but child support and living will continue. Plus therapy and meds are  not  cheap. And then I learn on Thursday that mileage will now be scrutinized. Why?

Well, three people at my job (not in the newsroom) turned in mileage for $4,000. And one person had $2,000 of it. How can you be a good reporter if you are in the field. We have been asked to do more interviews by phone and think before venturing out. And now, there we will be watched like a hawk. Do you know in order to get $2,000 in mileage, you would have to travel 4,000 miles in a month. It bothers me that I take my job serious in providing news. 

I am applying for a reporter's job at another newspaper about 1.5 hours from here. If  I get it, I will only be three hours from JJ. I will miss my friends and my sanctuary here. But I have nothing left to give. 


1. Talking with JJ about life!

2. Seeing the Snow White and the Huntsman!

3. Making a decision on my terms!

Happy New Year!!!!

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