Thursday, June 7, 2012

Making friends with the image in the mirror

I hate mirrors. There I said it. They are my archenemy and have ruined many potential good days. But to be honest, it is not the mirror’s fault. My image of myself is a work-in-progress. When I look in the mirror, most days I see a sumo wrestler. So I avoid them. I don’t use the restroom at work because we have two mirrors in the women’s restroom--a full-length that gets as you walk in the door and a second one where you need to wash your hands. So if the day starts out bad at home, I use the facilities at the Burger King across the street.

Until I became a healthy body weight, mirrors didn’t bother too me. I realized it is truly an issue when I overheard my co-worker D talking on the phone yesterday. She was telling a contact who I, as the education reporter, was. The person planned to attend an upcoming meeting and wanted to know who to look for at it. D described me as a “small, pretty black lady.” Small. She said small. I don’t feel small. A few months ago, I made peace with the fact that I am a size 8. 

When I asked her about her description of me, she thought I might be upset. I told her I wasn’t but was curious as to why she said I was small. Our exchange:
D--You are small.
Me--I disagreed.
D--I am a size 20. You are small.
Me--I guess I don’t see what you see.
D--You don’t and I will be here to remind of how well you are doing. Remember, I know what you looked like three years ago.

When I came here in August of 2009, I was 90 lbs, a size O and sickly looking. My identification for work looks awful. I “lost” the card on purpose. I just don't like to look at myself like that. But it does show me of how far I have come and how far I still have to go. In terms of recovery, I think I am almost halfway there. I just take it one day at a time.


1. Only one day of the school year left for the education reporter. YAY!!!
2. Working on plans for JJ’s possible visit to RR!
3. The weekend is almost here! Looking forward to sleeping in Saturday!

1 comment:

  1. You ARE beautiful! I can sit here and see myself as a beautiful, sexy girl. I see her in the mirror sometimes. But when I see pictures of me it's like...."Who the hell is that big chick? I don't look like that!" So yeah, I avoid having my picture taken.


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