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This is my journey as a writer trying to find a balance between recovering from anorexia and finding myself. It hasn't been easy but it has been so worth it.

Friday, December 31, 2010

Party like it's 2011

This is my last post for 2010. I am ready to see this year go. I have to go on record as it being the worst year of my life. I am about to face a new year with new possibilities but without my biggest supporter.

I wanted to thank everyone for all of their support and kind words during this year. It really mean a lot to me.

I wish I could say that ED hasn't reared her ugly head in the past few weeks but she has. The remeron has given me back my appetite, which made me go on an eating spree. A spree that has added a few pounds to me.

Last night, I looked in the mirror. I saw the increase and had a minor breakdown. For the first time, I am going to have to be serious about exercise. My metabolism is pretty much shot so I am looking at my options, they range from swimming to maybe be Zumba. It will require me to do some work but I am ready because I wanted to be healthy. Overall, I feel pretty decent about myself. ED is trying but 95 percent of the time I shut her out. Last night, she managed to get inside my head.

I am working hard. I see so many possibilities for 2011--career, professional and personal. Don't worry I will keep you posted.

Daily Dose

1. Anti-social me is going to a party. I will make sure someone takes a photo of me.

2. I cooked. I made my version of sloppy joes with ground turkey.

3. Have a Happy New Year! See you in 2011!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Recap of 10 things to do in 2010

Six months ago, I resolved to do 10 things in 2010. Well, there were so roadblocks--my mom's death, a new boss and being depressed. So I decide to see how much of the list I have accomplished. In a few days, a new list will debut--11 things to do in 2011. 

Here is where I am at now.

1. Plan a social event--I lived in a motel until about two weeks ago. So there was no event.

2. Go to Richmond, Va.--MADE IT HALFWAY


3. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity--NO TIME.

4. Learn to swim.--LOST MY NERVE.


5. Watch a major sporting event with others instead of alone.--DID IT.

6. Have my son visit me in RR--NOT YET BECAUSE OF HIS SCHOOL AND MY WORK SCHEDULE

7. Have a spa day.--DIDN'T MAKE THE TIME

8. Go out to eat at a really nice restaurant.--NOT YET

9. Get a story published in a magazine (not owned by my newspaper).--WORKING ON IT

10. Celebrate on New Year's Eve with other people. WILL BE GOING TO A PARTY HOSTED BY MY FRIEND T.

Overall, I realize I need to make time for myself and not just focus on work. So I will give this some thought for 2011.

DAILY DOSE

1. Taking a bubble bath and sipping on a mimosa.

2. Unpacking most of my clothes.

3. Buying my favorite chicken salad from Eli's Butcher Shop.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A white not so bad Christmas

I was dreading Christmas this year. It was my first one without my mom and the first time home since her death. Throw in a snowstorm and you got the makings for an interesting Christmas. At first, I wasn't going to get on the road Christmas eve. I worked and got off at 2 p.m. and decided I couldn't miss seeing my baby on Christmas. I drove.

Even though, I don't look happy I am happy. I still have stitches so my mouth is a little sore.
It was worth it Christmas morning to hear JJ scream "Mommy" as he ran down the hallway. He gave me a big hug and kiss. He put a bow on me and told me I was his gift from Santa. It made it all worth. I stayed a few hours.

Opening presents!


I took tons of pictures. My mother-in-law is dying of lung cancer and it is probably her last Christmas. I asked her if I could take some photos of her and jj. She agreed.

It snowing Christmas as I drove home. All in all it was good Christmas. I miss my mother and Christmas isn't the same without her. But I am working on making new memories.


My brother and nephew
I gave my brother a photo album for Christmas. He doesn't take many pictures of my nephew so I will and he needs a place to keep the pictures.

It's snowed!
Today, it snowed for several hours. I took some pictures at the back door. I didn't step outside at all. I used today to unpack and cook. It was nice to relax and enjoy my new place. Things are mess. Boxes are everywhere but it is home. My place with several rooms.

I still can't believe I am employee of the month.
I have some good news. I was named the employee of the month for November. I got a Wheaties box with my picture on it. JJ thought it was awesome. I thought it was too because this is the second time this year I have been named employee of the month. It has been a rough year but I managed to hold it together to do a good job.

DAILY DOSE

1. It was snowing today.
2. I got to see my baby for Christmas.
3. Snow days are awesome.

Monday, December 20, 2010

In a few....

In a few moments, I will shut down this computer and head to my new home. I am nervous but looking forward. I moved the last boxes and stuff out of the motel this morning before I went to work. Today has been the best but longest Monday. Coordinated the delivery of my bedroom suite while juggling two interviews. Opened a few boxes and covered a teacher of the year ceremony.

All in all things are still going okay. I am looking forward to cooking. We are suppose to bring something for the newspaper's annual food fest before Christmas. Last year, I was absolutely petrified and was worried about eating.

I had some whispers from ED about it throughout the day. But I held my ground and didn't come up with an excuse like I did last year to ditch the event. This year, I am going proudly. And I will take whatever I find at Food Lion in the morning before work. But next year, I will be baking.

Let the unpacking begin!!!!!!!!!

Daily Dose

1. Adjusting to not having any top teeth and stitches in my mouth. It makes eating interesting.

2. In a few days, I will see my favorite little guy.  

3. Sharing photos of my living room and bedroom. Not bad for a person with no decorating bone in her body.
I love my living room. This is the neat side. The other sides are filled with boxes and more boxes.

I can't wait to go to bed tonight.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

A new chapter

A new chapter starts in my life on Monday. I will be living into my new apartment. I am giving up the motel life. I will admit I am scared about leaving my room. But it has to be done. A lot has changed since I came to the Brookwood. And while I miss the coziness. I look forward to cooking on a stove and having a full-size refrigerator. I am looking forward to having JJ and friends visit me. Plus being able to open a window. I will post some pictures in a few days. For a person living in one room, I had a lot of stuff.  I have donated some to charity. Had a purse/bag giveaway at work. I was very popular that day.

I had the most inspiring day on Friday. I was sent to do a story on a church doing a toy and clothing giveaway. Basically, if you needed, you could take it. They were some of the nicest nonjudgmental. Everyone who came in was treated with kindness and respect. The same as some one in Belk's. After doing the interviews and photos, I was asked to pick something out. I declined but soon realize they wouldn't allow me to leave until I did so I picked out a purse with buttons on it. It reminded me of my grandmother. As I was talking to EH, she asked if I had any children. I told her about jj. Then I got a phone call telling me of another assignment. Before I left, I asked to use the restroom. When I came out, I found they had packed two bags of books and toys for JJ. Such a wonderful group of people.

I am spending my last night at the motel eating chicken salad, soaking in the tub and watching HBO. After tonight, I will not have cable and internet access until Thursday.

Daily Dose

1. My friend D was a great help in me moving. And a good second opinion when buying a bedroom suite.

2. Be able to step outside of my comfort zone.

3. Finding good chicken salad

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Moving Day Snow Day

A snow scene captured at the park.

The zen area at work.

Shot from a moving vehicle.

A picture of me doing what I do best.
Moving Day Snow Day
Today was suppose to be the beginning of me moving into my new place. Instead, we have three inches of snow with sleet and rain to come. So I have great pictures and cold feet.
I am finishing up for work and headed for home. The real fun starts when the sun goes down and the temperature drops. Friday morning is going to be real interesting around here. For now, I’ll just share my photos and enjoy my cup of hot chocolate.

Daily Dose
1. Had a good therapy session Wednesday.
2. Went an entire day without an ED thought. I don’t think that has ever happen.
3. Brought some living room furniture.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I am a Silly Girl with an apartment

Here is one set of boxes.



I GOT THE APARTMENT!!!! I signed the lease on Thursday. I celebrated with Italian food with D. On Friday, I had eight teeth removed as part of OPERATION SMILE. They gave me some good drugs. It will take about awhile but one day, my smile will return/

For the most part, my room is pretty much packed. There are a few odds and ends left. I still have to get the utilities turned on but I have an apartment. It is two bedrooms and one bath of lovely. I fell in love with the kitchen. My mouth is a little sore because of the stitches but I am happy. Things are starting to come together.

More boxes!
Since I have lived in a motel for a year, I will be starting from scratch. No furniture. I don't even have a pillow. Folks at the paper have been looking through their homes and giving me things. D said it is all the good karma I have given out to others and its coming back. I plan to thank everyone by having a housewarming early next year. I will start the new year off in a new place with a new attitude.

And now, I am going to make me some garlic mash potatoes as a snack. Good tidings to all!

Daily Dose

I love my new boots. I feel so grown up in them.
1. I am so blessed to have friends and coworkers who care.

2. I got the apartment.

3. Watching disaster movies on the Syfy channel!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Meeting the big guy in red

I have never been a Christmas person. Some of my worst memories revolve around the holiday. But once JJ was born, I decided I would make an effort to be in the holiday spirit each year for his sake. This year, he asked for Santa's autograph because he knew as a reporter I could get "some face time with him." At Sunday's parade, I talked with the Santa and his lovely bride. I snapped a few pictures of them on their sled and got the autograph. My son told me that I am "AWESOME. Mommy, you must know everyone." I don't know everyone but I know how to get to the big guy in red.

We learned last week that big country music festival is coming to RR in June 2011. I am not a country fan but it's cool to know that Sugarland, Lady Antebellum and Darius Rucker are coming here. And because are a South Carolina girl, I will get to interview Darius Rucker. I love Hootie and the Blowfish so I find that AWESOME.

I had a chance to meet Santa and Mrs. Claus.

Overall, I am still doing ok. I talk myself through an ED moment at lunch when I went to the Waffle House with friends. I am taking it day by day.

Today, I looked at a cute two-bedroom apartment. I will learn if I get the apartment tomorrow. Keep your fingers cross for me.

Daily Dose

1. Being able to handle my ED crisis.

2. Keeping a promise and passing it forward.

3. Soon I could have two closets for all of my clothes and shoes.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Starting to put myself back together

For the last few months, I have felt like a part of me was missing. I felt like my mother was just gone. But with the help of therapy, letting myself grief and talking with my support system, I realize she will always be with me. It will be from past advice she has given me to seeing an episode of Hannah Montana.

Since I last wrote, I have had three sessions with Dr. M. One thing he said was apparent that I needed to be on medication. There was a concern about me wanting to hurt myself. I wouldn't for one big reason--JJ. I WILL NOT  so anything to hurt him. He is my heart and soul. I live to hear him tell me stories and talk about his day. I won't damage my little angel. So I am back on 30 mg remeron. This is a mixed blessing. Remeron balances me mentally but it also gives me the appetite that others take for grant. This scares me but I have no problem eating three meals and two snacks a day. Last night I had a minor freak out moment that was solved by calling a friend. I ordered a nachos bell grande from Taco Bell with extra sour cream and extra meat. I ate the entire thing. In the past, I couldn't eat a small nachos with cheese.

Dr. M had warned me about this. My homework was to come up with a way to start getting fit. I hate to exercise. But my solution was to walk from the newspaper to the post office three days a week plus playing 30 minutes of Wii.

In other good news, I brought a digitial camera for work and play. It is a Canon Rebel. This is the most I have ever spent on myself. It is worth it because I don't have to worry about using the newspaper's one good camera and can take some good pictures.

Silly Girl in her natural habitat--the newsroom!
I went to the paper's Christmas party Friday night. I had a great time. The food was good and it was just great. I looked cute in skinny dark blue jeans, a wine color top and wine heels. I got out there a shaked my little moneymaker a few times. I miss dancing. I wish there was a place here. I think I need to investigate and organize a trip to a club with my friends.

Right now, I am relaxing before I have to get dress and go take pictures for the RR Christmas parade. It is about 45 degrees outside. Layering will be my friend. I hope I can snap a picture of the big guy in red.

Daily Dose

1. I am starting to feel again.

2. Working on donating clothes and other items.

3. Meds!