Skip to main content

Starting to put myself back together

For the last few months, I have felt like a part of me was missing. I felt like my mother was just gone. But with the help of therapy, letting myself grief and talking with my support system, I realize she will always be with me. It will be from past advice she has given me to seeing an episode of Hannah Montana.

Since I last wrote, I have had three sessions with Dr. M. One thing he said was apparent that I needed to be on medication. There was a concern about me wanting to hurt myself. I wouldn't for one big reason--JJ. I WILL NOT  so anything to hurt him. He is my heart and soul. I live to hear him tell me stories and talk about his day. I won't damage my little angel. So I am back on 30 mg remeron. This is a mixed blessing. Remeron balances me mentally but it also gives me the appetite that others take for grant. This scares me but I have no problem eating three meals and two snacks a day. Last night I had a minor freak out moment that was solved by calling a friend. I ordered a nachos bell grande from Taco Bell with extra sour cream and extra meat. I ate the entire thing. In the past, I couldn't eat a small nachos with cheese.

Dr. M had warned me about this. My homework was to come up with a way to start getting fit. I hate to exercise. But my solution was to walk from the newspaper to the post office three days a week plus playing 30 minutes of Wii.

In other good news, I brought a digitial camera for work and play. It is a Canon Rebel. This is the most I have ever spent on myself. It is worth it because I don't have to worry about using the newspaper's one good camera and can take some good pictures.

Silly Girl in her natural habitat--the newsroom!
I went to the paper's Christmas party Friday night. I had a great time. The food was good and it was just great. I looked cute in skinny dark blue jeans, a wine color top and wine heels. I got out there a shaked my little moneymaker a few times. I miss dancing. I wish there was a place here. I think I need to investigate and organize a trip to a club with my friends.

Right now, I am relaxing before I have to get dress and go take pictures for the RR Christmas parade. It is about 45 degrees outside. Layering will be my friend. I hope I can snap a picture of the big guy in red.

Daily Dose

1. I am starting to feel again.

2. Working on donating clothes and other items.

3. Meds!


  1. i hate exercise too! wish I loved it but I don't. For me it's more the feeling of lack of time to do it. Anyhow, glad the meds are helping you out and you are getting back to yourself.

  2. I am on 30 mg of Remeron. The appetite is hard to deal with, but I love exercising so I havent found it to be a problem. Yet. And it gives me the added bonus of being a great sleep aid.

    I am glad you are enjoying things like Christmas parties and parades...

    I also have a canon rebel. I LOVE it. I should probably take more pictures with it, but I have to find the time.

    Gosh, we have a lot in common.

  3. great to hear from you :)
    I'm happy you are doing okay, and that therapy is so helpful. put a picture from the parade :)
    you look very cute in the photo, too. I'm planning on donating some clothes too, maybe on Wednesday when I will have time to pack a whole bag of them!
    Oh, and listen to Map Of Problematique -Muse. I know we have similar music tastes and it's one of my new favourites -even though it's kinda old!

  4. I'm glad you're getting the support you need. I tried Remeron, but it didn't work for me (but it didn't cause me to have an appetite, either. I tend to have the opposite reaction than normal to a lot of meds.) I'm on Seroquel right now, which helps quell the anxiety that is the biggest problem with my AN. But I don't get an appetite from that either, even though I was warned I would. I would love to actually feel hungry, instead of just eating because it's time to eat.
    (I'm rambling because I'm tired.)

    Please take care of yourself; you look lovely in your picture!




Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…