Sunday, December 5, 2010

Starting to put myself back together

For the last few months, I have felt like a part of me was missing. I felt like my mother was just gone. But with the help of therapy, letting myself grief and talking with my support system, I realize she will always be with me. It will be from past advice she has given me to seeing an episode of Hannah Montana.

Since I last wrote, I have had three sessions with Dr. M. One thing he said was apparent that I needed to be on medication. There was a concern about me wanting to hurt myself. I wouldn't for one big reason--JJ. I WILL NOT  so anything to hurt him. He is my heart and soul. I live to hear him tell me stories and talk about his day. I won't damage my little angel. So I am back on 30 mg remeron. This is a mixed blessing. Remeron balances me mentally but it also gives me the appetite that others take for grant. This scares me but I have no problem eating three meals and two snacks a day. Last night I had a minor freak out moment that was solved by calling a friend. I ordered a nachos bell grande from Taco Bell with extra sour cream and extra meat. I ate the entire thing. In the past, I couldn't eat a small nachos with cheese.

Dr. M had warned me about this. My homework was to come up with a way to start getting fit. I hate to exercise. But my solution was to walk from the newspaper to the post office three days a week plus playing 30 minutes of Wii.

In other good news, I brought a digitial camera for work and play. It is a Canon Rebel. This is the most I have ever spent on myself. It is worth it because I don't have to worry about using the newspaper's one good camera and can take some good pictures.

Silly Girl in her natural habitat--the newsroom!
I went to the paper's Christmas party Friday night. I had a great time. The food was good and it was just great. I looked cute in skinny dark blue jeans, a wine color top and wine heels. I got out there a shaked my little moneymaker a few times. I miss dancing. I wish there was a place here. I think I need to investigate and organize a trip to a club with my friends.

Right now, I am relaxing before I have to get dress and go take pictures for the RR Christmas parade. It is about 45 degrees outside. Layering will be my friend. I hope I can snap a picture of the big guy in red.

Daily Dose

1. I am starting to feel again.

2. Working on donating clothes and other items.

3. Meds!


  1. i hate exercise too! wish I loved it but I don't. For me it's more the feeling of lack of time to do it. Anyhow, glad the meds are helping you out and you are getting back to yourself.

  2. I am on 30 mg of Remeron. The appetite is hard to deal with, but I love exercising so I havent found it to be a problem. Yet. And it gives me the added bonus of being a great sleep aid.

    I am glad you are enjoying things like Christmas parties and parades...

    I also have a canon rebel. I LOVE it. I should probably take more pictures with it, but I have to find the time.

    Gosh, we have a lot in common.

  3. great to hear from you :)
    I'm happy you are doing okay, and that therapy is so helpful. put a picture from the parade :)
    you look very cute in the photo, too. I'm planning on donating some clothes too, maybe on Wednesday when I will have time to pack a whole bag of them!
    Oh, and listen to Map Of Problematique -Muse. I know we have similar music tastes and it's one of my new favourites -even though it's kinda old!

  4. I'm glad you're getting the support you need. I tried Remeron, but it didn't work for me (but it didn't cause me to have an appetite, either. I tend to have the opposite reaction than normal to a lot of meds.) I'm on Seroquel right now, which helps quell the anxiety that is the biggest problem with my AN. But I don't get an appetite from that either, even though I was warned I would. I would love to actually feel hungry, instead of just eating because it's time to eat.
    (I'm rambling because I'm tired.)

    Please take care of yourself; you look lovely in your picture!




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