NotesFromtheVoices

This is my last post for 2010. I am ready to see this year go. I have to go on record as it being the worst year of my life. I am about to face a new year with new possibilities but without my biggest supporter. I wanted to thank everyone for all of their support and kind words during this year. It really mean a lot to me. I wish I could say that ED hasn't reared her ugly head in the past few weeks but she has . The remeron has given me back my appetite, which made me go on an eating spree. A spree that has added a few pounds to me. Last night, I looked in the mirror. I saw the increase and had a minor breakdown. For the first time, I am going to have to be serious about exercise. My metabolism is pretty much shot so I am looking at my options, they range from swimming to maybe be Zumba. It will require me to do some work but I am ready because I wanted to be healthy. Overall, I feel pretty decent about myself. ED is trying but 95 percent of the time I shut her out. Last n...

Six months ago, I resolved to do 10 things in 2010. Well, there were so roadblocks--my mom's death, a new boss and being depressed. So I decide to see how much of the list I have accomplished. In a few days, a new list will debut--11 things to do in 2011.  Here is where I am at now. 1. Plan a social event --I lived in a motel until about two weeks ago. So there was no event. 2. Go to Richmond, Va. --MADE IT HALFWAY 3. Volunteer with Habitat for Humanity -- NO TIME. 4. Learn to swim. --LOST MY NERVE. 5. Watch a major sporting event with others instead of alone. -- DID IT. 6. Have my son visit me in RR --NOT YET BECAUSE OF HIS SCHOOL AND MY WORK SCHEDULE 7. Have a spa day. --DIDN'T MAKE THE TIME 8. Go out to eat at a really nice restaurant. --NOT YET 9. Get a story published in a magazine (not owned by my newspaper). --WORKING ON IT 10. Celebrate on New Year's Eve with other people . WILL BE GOING TO A PARTY HOSTED BY MY FRIEND T. Overall, I realize I ne...

I was dreading Christmas this year. It was my first one without my mom and the first time home since her death. Throw in a snowstorm and you got the makings for an interesting Christmas. At first, I wasn't going to get on the road Christmas eve. I worked and got off at 2 p.m. and decided I couldn't miss seeing my baby on Christmas. I drove. Even though, I don't look happy I am happy. I still have stitches so my mouth is a little sore. It was worth it Christmas morning to hear JJ scream "Mommy" as he ran down the hallway. He gave me a big hug and kiss. He put a bow on me and told me I was his gift from Santa. It made it all worth. I stayed a few hours. Opening presents! I took tons of pictures. My mother-in-law is dying of lung cancer and it is probably her last Christmas. I asked her if I could take some photos of her and jj. She agreed. It snowing Christmas as I drove home. All in all it was good Christmas. I miss my mother and Christmas isn't ...

In a few moments, I will shut down this computer and head to my new home. I am nervous but looking forward. I moved the last boxes and stuff out of the motel this morning before I went to work. Today has been the best but longest Monday. Coordinated the delivery of my bedroom suite while juggling two interviews. Opened a few boxes and covered a teacher of the year ceremony. All in all things are still going okay. I am looking forward to cooking. We are suppose to bring something for the newspaper's annual food fest before Christmas. Last year, I was absolutely petrified and was worried about eating. I had some whispers from ED about it throughout the day. But I held my ground and didn't come up with an excuse like I did last year to ditch the event. This year, I am going proudly. And I will take whatever I find at Food Lion in the morning before work. But next year, I will be baking. Let the unpacking begin!!!!!!!!! Daily Dose 1. Adjusting to not having any top teeth ...

A new chapter starts in my life on Monday. I will be living into my new apartment. I am giving up the motel life. I will admit I am scared about leaving my room. But it has to be done. A lot has changed since I came to the Brookwood. And while I miss the coziness. I look forward to cooking on a stove and having a full-size refrigerator. I am looking forward to having JJ and friends visit me. Plus being able to open a window. I will post some pictures in a few days. For a person living in one room, I had a lot of stuff.  I have donated some to charity. Had a purse/bag giveaway at work. I was very popular that day. I had the most inspiring day on Friday. I was sent to do a story on a church doing a toy and clothing giveaway. Basically, if you needed, you could take it. They were some of the nicest nonjudgmental. Everyone who came in was treated with kindness and respect. The same as some one in Belk's. After doing the interviews and photos, I was asked to pick something out. I...

A snow scene captured at the park. The zen area at work. Shot from a moving vehicle. A picture of me doing what I do best. Moving Day Snow Day Today was suppose to be the beginning of me moving into my new place. Instead, we have three inches of snow with sleet and rain to come. So I have great pictures and cold feet. I am finishing up for work and headed for home. The real fun starts when the sun goes down and the temperature drops. Friday morning is going to be real interesting around here. For now, I’ll just share my photos and enjoy my cup of hot chocolate. Daily Dose 1. Had a good therapy session Wednesday. 2. Went an entire day without an ED thought. I don’t think that has ever happen. 3. Brought some living room furniture.

Here is one set of boxes. I GOT THE APARTMENT!!!! I signed the lease on Thursday. I celebrated with Italian food with D. On Friday, I had eight teeth removed as part of OPERATION SMILE. They gave me some good drugs. It will take about awhile but one day, my smile will return/ For the most part, my room is pretty much packed. There are a few odds and ends left. I still have to get the utilities turned on but I have an apartment. It is two bedrooms and one bath of lovely. I fell in love with the kitchen. My mouth is a little sore because of the stitches but I am happy. Things are starting to come together. More boxes! Since I have lived in a motel for a year, I will be starting from scratch. No furniture. I don't even have a pillow. Folks at the paper have been looking through their homes and giving me things. D said it is all the good karma I have given out to others and its coming back. I plan to thank everyone by having a housewarming early next year. I will start the...

I have never been a Christmas person. Some of my worst memories revolve around the holiday. But once JJ was born, I decided I would make an effort to be in the holiday spirit each year for his sake. This year, he asked for Santa's autograph because he knew as a reporter I could get "some face time with him." At Sunday's parade, I talked with the Santa and his lovely bride. I snapped a few pictures of them on their sled and got the autograph. My son told me that I am "AWESOME. Mommy, you must know everyone." I don't know everyone but I know how to get to the big guy in red. We learned last week that big country music festival is coming to RR in June 2011. I am not a country fan but it's cool to know that Sugarland, Lady Antebellum and Darius Rucker are coming here. And because are a South Carolina girl, I will get to interview Darius Rucker. I love Hootie and the Blowfish so I find that AWESOME. I had a chance to meet Santa and Mrs. Claus. Ove...

For the last few months, I have felt like a part of me was missing. I felt like my mother was just gone. But with the help of therapy, letting myself grief and talking with my support system, I realize she will always be with me. It will be from past advice she has given me to seeing an episode of Hannah Montana. Since I last wrote, I have had three sessions with Dr. M. One thing he said was apparent that I needed to be on medication. There was a concern about me wanting to hurt myself. I wouldn't for one big reason--JJ. I WILL NOT  so anything to hurt him. He is my heart and soul. I live to hear him tell me stories and talk about his day. I won't damage my little angel. So I am back on 30 mg remeron. This is a mixed blessing. Remeron balances me mentally but it also gives me the appetite that others take for grant. This scares me but I have no problem eating three meals and two snacks a day. Last night I had a minor freak out moment that was solved by calling a friend. I ord...