Stopping ED from gaining

-

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.


Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.

One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.

I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.

The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering me knew it needed to stop. So I made an appointment because the signs were there that things were not going to improve. I have had a headache for two weeks because I am not eating enough food. I feel lightheaded most of the time.

I had to do something. I talked honestly with my doctor. She prescribed megace for me. I have read up on it in the last 24  hours. I know it is an appetite stimulant for cancer patients losing weight along with being used in the treatment of breast and endometrial cancer. 


It was not cheap. It cost more than $67 with insurance. Overall, I think it will be worth it. I can’t continue to live like this. I have a job that I love and I don’t need the stress of my ED. My baby starts the sixth grade in a few weeks. He is going to need all the love and support he can get from me. Plus, he doesn’t need to worry about me.

I took the first dose last night. And for the first time in weeks, I didn’t wake up worrying about what I could force myself to eat. Today, there was less pressure. 

As I write this, I am eating a granola bar. The whole bar. Not half, not a little but the entire bar. It feels good. I can't remember what it is like to be eat like other people. I think the last time I knew was probably when I was a teenager. 

My goal is to get things in check and then go out to eat at the Chef and the Farmer in Kinston. I think it is a nice reward. 

DAILY DOSE
1. Knowing when you need help
2. Strawberry soda
3. A Game of Thrones marathon

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping a downward spiral

-
In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth.  Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite.  I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety. And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area...
Read more

Disturbance in the world of Jack

-
Let me start by saying that I am okay. And considering the way crime is in RR, it could have been a lot worst. I keep odd hours. I can leave for work at 7:30 a.m. and sometimes I don't come home until 8 or 9 p.m.  Last Friday night, I actually got done early at 5 p.m. and went to the grocery store. While at the store, I debated canned peas or frozen peas (very important later). I ended up with canned ones because the frozen brand I like was not at Food Lion. I drive home in a fairly decent mood because I will be home before 6:30 p.m. and can watch the news. I live on a street with lots of duplexes and kids. The road running parallel to my street is very busy, no sidewalks and no street lights. People walking tend to walk in people's yards so they don't get hit by a car. Plus, pedestrians and bikers in RR, don't wear light colored clothes at night. This puts them at serious risk for injury. This is a personal pet peeve of mine.  I pull into my driveway, park in front...
Read more

RR is alive with the sounds of music

-
Music is key in my life. I don’t know what I would do without it. As a teenager, I loved to make mixtapes for friends and families. And now, I love making mix cds to listen to on long road trips home or when I am out covering NH county. I guess along with pens, magazines and libraries, music is my thing. Most of the time, when I am writing, I like to listen to music. My favorite thing is to turn on Itunes radio and just listen to various songs. It is how I discover musicians like Evans Blue or Sia. It is one thing that remained throughout my struggles with my ED. I never loss my love of music. Sometimes it was the only thing that could calm my mind when it was consumed by thoughts of ED. Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought. --E. Y. Harburg Some of my favorite memories are tied to songs. I can remember my feelings being at that Dave Matthew concert. I can remember how I felt seeing my mom dance to Earth, Wind and Fire and Chic...
Read more