The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Honestly, I have been a low-simmering bitch. It started when I realized that I would not be able to afford to go see my son during my vacation. I just didn't have the money. And with this, the second guessing started. Should I have left the awesome money I was making at the IM to take a paycut at the DT. Is this how life will be? Will I always struggle this much?
Which blossomed into why do I work so hard? Is it all for nothing? Questions and anger fueled me going into my four-day vacation. In fact, I was so angry that I pulled over in a vacant lot and had a good long soul shaking cry. And on the first day of vacation, I was exhausted from thinking so much. My options were to stay home and cry on the couch or head to RR. My bestie invited me to her place so I could rest and think without pressure.
I still don't have many answers but I'm just going to trust God. From the moment I returned to Pickle Land, I felt like I was suppose to be here. Why? I have no idea but it just feels right.
So I don't know why but I do know that the bitchiness must stop. I may not have what I want but I have much to be thankful for. I have an amazing child. I do what I love. I have the cutest little apartment. And most importantly, I am healthy. I am not exhausted from ED.
Basically, this is my pep talk to myself. To quote Cordelia Chase from the When She Was Bad episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer:
1. Being alive!
2. Spring is here!
3. People who bring leftover Easter candy to work!