Skip to main content

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I will turn the big 40 on Saturday. This is a major milestone. A milestone I never in a million years thought would be possible for me.

A longtime ago, I hoped to live to see 30. It was a simple goal and once it happened, it made me wonder about living to be 32 and 35. I must admit 40 was never something I saw happening. And Lord willing in a few days, it will happen.

When I was deep in ED, my focus was surviving. If I lived through the night, I did well.  I remember when I turned 25 that a doctor told me that I wouldn't live to see 30 if I didn't get help.

Five years ago, I almost gave up but fight hard to stay alive. Each year since then has been a struggle. And some years have been better than others.

I am between insurances right now so it has been a little bit of a struggle being able to afford my medication. But I will push through because I am going to be 40. When I think how far I have come, I am so proud.

I attribute it to God, an amazing support system and my son. With the damage done to my body by ED, I was told that I would never be able to have children.

Before JJ, there were two miscarriages and a stillborn. He is my miracle and he shows me what life is like in the light instead of hiding in the shadows.

Reminding myself of how far  has helped me keep going. I have come too far to throw in the towel.

Recovery isn't easy. It is a continuous journey full of turns and twists. My birthday present to myself is being healthy. Healthy enough to have a 80s dance party in my living room three nights a week. Last night, I danced for almost a hour. Five years ago, I was lucky to be able to shower and make it to the couch. And now, I am able to work, play at the park with my son and dance around my living room. I feel so blessed.

I used to wear baggy and shapeless clothes because I couldn't handle my image of my body. Today, I am proud to show off my body. There are some bad body image days but the good outweighs the bad.

Happy Birthday to me and hopefully many more years!!!


1. I am so glad fall is here. I can wear all of the cute sweaters I brought on clearance last spring.
2. To be healthy enough to celebrate my 40th birthday!
3. Drinking a pumpkin spice latte!


  1. Happy Birthday! It's nice to see someone express such joy at aging. It really is a wonderful thing. Glad that you have managed to come so far with all of your challenges.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…