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Happy Birthday to me!!!

I will turn the big 40 on Saturday. This is a major milestone. A milestone I never in a million years thought would be possible for me.

A longtime ago, I hoped to live to see 30. It was a simple goal and once it happened, it made me wonder about living to be 32 and 35. I must admit 40 was never something I saw happening. And Lord willing in a few days, it will happen.

When I was deep in ED, my focus was surviving. If I lived through the night, I did well.  I remember when I turned 25 that a doctor told me that I wouldn't live to see 30 if I didn't get help.

Five years ago, I almost gave up but fight hard to stay alive. Each year since then has been a struggle. And some years have been better than others.

I am between insurances right now so it has been a little bit of a struggle being able to afford my medication. But I will push through because I am going to be 40. When I think how far I have come, I am so proud.

I attribute it to God, an amazing support system and my son. With the damage done to my body by ED, I was told that I would never be able to have children.

Before JJ, there were two miscarriages and a stillborn. He is my miracle and he shows me what life is like in the light instead of hiding in the shadows.

Reminding myself of how far  has helped me keep going. I have come too far to throw in the towel.

Recovery isn't easy. It is a continuous journey full of turns and twists. My birthday present to myself is being healthy. Healthy enough to have a 80s dance party in my living room three nights a week. Last night, I danced for almost a hour. Five years ago, I was lucky to be able to shower and make it to the couch. And now, I am able to work, play at the park with my son and dance around my living room. I feel so blessed.

I used to wear baggy and shapeless clothes because I couldn't handle my image of my body. Today, I am proud to show off my body. There are some bad body image days but the good outweighs the bad.

Happy Birthday to me and hopefully many more years!!!


1. I am so glad fall is here. I can wear all of the cute sweaters I brought on clearance last spring.
2. To be healthy enough to celebrate my 40th birthday!
3. Drinking a pumpkin spice latte!


  1. Happy Birthday! It's nice to see someone express such joy at aging. It really is a wonderful thing. Glad that you have managed to come so far with all of your challenges.


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