Thursday, October 10, 2013

Happy Birthday to me!!!

I will turn the big 40 on Saturday. This is a major milestone. A milestone I never in a million years thought would be possible for me.

A longtime ago, I hoped to live to see 30. It was a simple goal and once it happened, it made me wonder about living to be 32 and 35. I must admit 40 was never something I saw happening. And Lord willing in a few days, it will happen.

When I was deep in ED, my focus was surviving. If I lived through the night, I did well.  I remember when I turned 25 that a doctor told me that I wouldn't live to see 30 if I didn't get help.

Five years ago, I almost gave up but fight hard to stay alive. Each year since then has been a struggle. And some years have been better than others.

I am between insurances right now so it has been a little bit of a struggle being able to afford my medication. But I will push through because I am going to be 40. When I think how far I have come, I am so proud.

I attribute it to God, an amazing support system and my son. With the damage done to my body by ED, I was told that I would never be able to have children.

Before JJ, there were two miscarriages and a stillborn. He is my miracle and he shows me what life is like in the light instead of hiding in the shadows.

Reminding myself of how far  has helped me keep going. I have come too far to throw in the towel.

Recovery isn't easy. It is a continuous journey full of turns and twists. My birthday present to myself is being healthy. Healthy enough to have a 80s dance party in my living room three nights a week. Last night, I danced for almost a hour. Five years ago, I was lucky to be able to shower and make it to the couch. And now, I am able to work, play at the park with my son and dance around my living room. I feel so blessed.

I used to wear baggy and shapeless clothes because I couldn't handle my image of my body. Today, I am proud to show off my body. There are some bad body image days but the good outweighs the bad.


Happy Birthday to me and hopefully many more years!!!

DAILY DOSE

1. I am so glad fall is here. I can wear all of the cute sweaters I brought on clearance last spring.
2. To be healthy enough to celebrate my 40th birthday!
3. Drinking a pumpkin spice latte!

1 comment:

  1. Happy Birthday! It's nice to see someone express such joy at aging. It really is a wonderful thing. Glad that you have managed to come so far with all of your challenges.

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