|Posing for my newspaper photo that runs on the opinion page.|
This is how I feel right now. I can't seem to get it together. My new job has me making more money and a nice title but I am still doing the same thing. I'm not bored but things are so unstructured. Essentially, I can do whatever I want as long as there are four stories in each of the two issues.
I realized this morning while getting ready for work. I'm depressed and sad. I miss my old job, friends and the structure of the job.
The folks at my new job are nice but we do our own thing. There isn't much team work. The other reporter is different and pretty much does whatever she wants. She bregrudingly gave up the education beat so I would have something to do. Basically, I have hustled to find stories and hit the pavement.
I need to vent and this is my moment. She can't write. We are night and day. Even though, there is a loose dress code. I dress nice because I am meeting the public. A public ranging from a superintendent to youth in the Boys and Girls Club. Today, I am wearing khakis and a really nice Anne Klein sweater that I found at the Goodwill. She is wearing a black and white t-shirt with zebra jeggings and tennis shoes. When I saw her, I actually went speechless. I couldn't even say "good morning." I mean I took the time to iron my white dress shirt to go with my sweater. I know I must sound like a very awful person.
We are reporters. We represent the newspaper. When people think of it, they will remember us. But this is how things have been for the last 12 years that she has been with the newspaper. I refuse to lower my standard. It is not how I am or how I was raised. Maybe, I should chill the out.
I had to go to my happy place -- the library. It was there in the quiet calmness that I realize that I can't change others. I can only change myself. And now after visiting the library, a cute thrift shop and Long John Silver's, I am back at work.
I have got to get it together because no structure means no eating. I started the year as a size 10. Currently, I am in the four to six size range. I am eating but not enough to really fill out a size six. I have to get it together. If it is noticeable to me, it will be noticeable to others. Especially my son and I don't want to worry him.
I can't afford to be sick or without work. When you start a new job, there is no insurance for 90 days. This means no therapist or med check. I have a doctor's appointment next week, which will keep me in meds until the insurance kicks in.
I just got to get it together.
1. I am in search of the perfect pair of boots for fall/winter. Boots I plan to live in.
2. It's Wednesday. Time for my hump day call to JJ.
3. Being thankful for all of my blessing.