NotesFromtheVoices

I woke Saturday  feeling strange. I noticed my hands were swollen and I felt just weird.  After examining my hands, I noticed a tiny bite. Something had bit me in the night. Thank goodness for  Benadryl .   It was my day off but I had to  cover a Sip & See event for the newspaper and magazine. I included a photo of me in my cute dress and green heels. I looked good but felt crappy. It was a great event with lots of great food and people was packed. I put on my happy face but on the inside I wanted to be in pajamas. Today, I am starting to feel better. And by Monday hopefully I will be much better.  DAILY DOSE 1. Benadray is AWESOME. 2. Reading the Sunday newspaper in bed! 3. Relaxing!

These days, it is hard to find a good happy place. My definition of a happy place is where I can go when I am having a bad day or need to get away from the newspaper.  My apartment doesn’t count.  The library is my happy place. When I am upset, I can go there in the quiet cool that is filled with books and magazines. Walking through the stacks instantly brings my stress level down. With the exception of the library personnel  knowing me, I can walk around anonymously.  In those moments, I am not newspaper girl but just a lady in the library.  Before I lived in RR, I collected libraries. I had cards to libraries big, small and in between. If I read a review of a book in Entertainment Weekly, I could be reading it in about two weeks. Those were some good times. Things are different here. The county I live in is a tier one county, which means we are poor. It also means libraries in terms of priorities for the city and county do not get much funding. ...

Such a beautiful horse! Today, I love my job because I got to go to the circus. I had a great seat and took some great photos and for 90 minutes I got to be a kid again. Being a reporter has its perks and I definitely enjoyed myself. I don't know how he did this! There is something about being under the big top with lights, the ringmaster and the clown. It was a nice break from life even if I had to work. I wish more of my days could be like today. I would not be able to go up that high and without a net! Since I got to cover the circus, I didn't have to go to work until 10 a.m. and then for only a hour for a meeting. Then I went I got my hair cut. It looks awesome and got some nice comments from everyone. Yay! Today was a good day. It would have been perfect if JJ could have went to the circus with me. He would have had a blast! DAILY DOSE 1. My awesome new haircut! 2. Circus food--cotton candy and lemonade! 3. Being able to spend the evening at ...

After a long day of working on Saturday, I was looking forward to just being around the house for two days. I was suppose to do nothing except read magazines, cook and relax. I went a little crazy with the baked goods and hotdogs at two events on Saturday. By early Sunday morning, I was puking my guts out. Why does the bathroom floor seem so appealing when a person is sick?  For me, it was the greatest spot ever. Once I moved from the floor to the bed, things starting looking up. Sunday was popsicle day and Monday was chicken broth with a little rice in it. Today, the same and little bit of chocolate cake. Who can say no to chocolate. I think I am going to be just fine. I really need to be more careful about my food choices at events. DAILY DOSE 1. Behold the power of ginger ale and popsicles! 2. Being back on my feet! 3. Snapple makes the best popsicles!

I will be the first to admit that when I look in the mirror, I don't always like what I see.  I will never be friends with my mirror. I have worked hard to maintain my current weight but I still have some issues. And when dealing with ED issues, I am thankfully to have supportive friends who can provide a reality that I don't quite see yet. For instance, I found a really cool yard sale on Friday that I had a lot of cute clothes including a H & M dress for 50 cents. All clothes were 50 cents and an awesome pair of combat boots for $5. I felt like such a badass when I tried them on. I am going to enjoy those. Anyway, I found this really cute halter dress that I thought I would look good in. Me: Is this just the cutest dress? T: Yes, but it is too big for you. Me: No, it will fit. T: No, Jackie it will not. That dress is a 2X. You are not a 2X. You are a large. I know at times you don't see what I see. I see someone who will swallowed up in that dress. Then T too...

I still have my bad days when it comes to ED. But an incident at a ribbon cutting Tuesday reminded me of how far I have come in my recovery and my sense of self. Me: I need to get your daughter's name. I took her photo. Lady: Her name is -----. So when are you due? Me: Oh this, (patting my stomach)! As a reporter, you go to many events with food. And I haven't learned to say no to good barbecue. The lady quickly left the room. A lady I had never met before in my life. In the past, a moment like this would have led to days of restrictions, tears and second guessing. But I continued to do my job. I am somewhat at peace with my weight. I no longer keep a box of size one and twos clothes for just in case "I lose weight". I would like to whittle my waist down a little bit but I am not going to hurt myself doing it. I am not a number. I am a living breathing person who refuses to cower to ED or to insensitive people. I have come a long way. And I am so proud of mys...