Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Taking the high road when I really want to do something awful

JJ will not be coming to RR for a visit. To say that I am disappointed and angry is the understatement of the year. My son is wise beyond on young life and has dealt with things most kids haven't--death of two grandmothers, a mom with ED and his parents' separation. It is a lot for a child to deal with at the age of five. His dad asked him about a visit with me in RR. But with everything, it depends all in how you explain. My son thinks he is being sent to live with me so he doesn't want to come for a visit because he is scared that he can't come back.

I could be a real bitch and force the issue and make him come. But the whole visit would have JJ wondering in the back of his mind if he is being forced to stay. So instead, I will travel south for his birthday and spend a few days with my son. I will take the high road. But make no mistake, it is known how upset I am. I will not ruin my child's birthday. He deserves to have his magically day where he is king. We will go to the movies, buy him his favorite toy and do what he wants. 

When we talked on the phone last night, I asked him what he wanted for his birthday. He wants a Thundercats action figure. I used to watch Thundercats as a kid. I said I would try to find one. He told me not to worry about because Santa would take care of it. JJ told me that only thing for his birthday from me is me. He just wants me. It made me feel good and wanted. I miss a lot not being with him everyday. 

 I  have to admit, I am very sad. I wanted him here for Thanksgiving. I had made many plans involving parks,  movies and cooking. And instead, I  have to put on a brave face. These are the things you do for your child. Sometimes you sacrifice your happiness for the greater good--a pretty well adjusted kid, who is awesome. So I take the high road even though I want to gut my husband like a fish. Because this is what he has done to me. 

Daily Dose

1. The cheddar biscuit from Hardees--Those things are addicting.

2. Grey's Anatomy--The show has gotten its groove back.

3. My sweet awesome son

3 comments:

  1. What is your husband's reason behind this decision? And remember you have rights involving seeing and visiting your son, too. I am afraid that this might be the start of a trend, and I would hate to see you and your son lose the closeness you share. I am angry at your husband. He had no right to scare JJ like that. It is manipulative and just plain wrong. I supposed I am so angry because I know how manipulative estranged husbands can be. But you lost your mother, too, and you do have the right to have your son spend Thanksgiving at your home. While I admire you are taking the high road, again, I hope this isn't the start of fewer visits with JJ. It almost sounds like your husband is turning him against you. Just be careful. I'm so sorry.

    {{{Hugs}}}

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with Angela. Yes, putting on a brave face is what we do for our children, but don't let your husband use it as a weapon against you. Hold his feet to the fire; if he currently has primary custody, he has an even greater obligation to take the high road. Point him in the right direction, and remind him that his screw-ups can become your gains, if that how he really wants to play it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Totally random, but do you mean RR in Springfield? The fact that you are handling your situation the way you are shows me that you are dedicated enough as a mother to beat ed. When a mother wants to get something done for her child out of love, she always does. You have great character and it shows. I'm sorry things are working out this way for the time being, but you are strong and things will get better.

    ReplyDelete

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have...