Skip to main content

Battling the duo--fatigue and ED

Despite my best efforts this week, I have worked late hours each day. I try to take it easy on the last week of the month because I have to be on the go all the time for meetings. This week has rough. I realize I am falling back into some old habits that could lead me straight back to ED. One, I am consume with wanting to be alone and sleeping. And wanting to eat alone. These are my warning signs. It has taken a longtime to realize this but I am glad I do.

So I am trying to be proactive. I am looking getting more involved in the community or doing something outside of Reporter Jackie. I just want to be Jackie. But I am finding that to be hard because everyone wants Reporter Jackie to make sure their organization is in the newspaper. 

Plus, I got some interesting texts from the husband last night. He told JJ about the upcoming Thanksgiving visit. JJ wasn’t happy because his dad told him that he wasn’t coming. JJ is five and he wants his parents to be together. He enjoys when the three of us are together. We will talk about this later today. I was approved for the time off. Honestly, if he can't come up here. I probably will not stay there. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is something about good food and gratitude that warms my heart. Christmas is my least favorite holiday. Some of my worst memories center around that holiday.

Right now, I am just venting because I am tired, overworked and stressed about everything. For all the work I do at this newspaper, I make slightly over minimum wage. The mantra of do more for less has gotten old with me and several of my co-workers. How can one person expect to churn out stories for the newspaper, two magazines and other things in 40 hours. It is insane. I am being patient until January and then I will ask about a raise.

Yesterday was my breaking point. For weeks, I have worked on the cover story for our women's  magazine. I was pretty proud of it. I found out on Wednesday that the boss' boss wanted a holiday cover so my story was pushed to February. Not only do I have to tell the lady I wrote the story about that it is not coming out this year but I also had to come with an alternate story for the cover. I spent yesterday afternoon doing a photo shoot for a holiday food. And while the food looked great and tasted great, it put me behind on other things. I got home before 10  p.m. last night.

I am grateful to have a job in this economy. But sometimes I feel that myself and fellow folks are being taken advantage of. We give so much but get nothing in return except more work. I just needed to vent. If things fester, they lead to ulcers.


1. The cheddar biscuit from Hardees is amazing.

2. I am cooking lunch at my apartment for a friend. Trying to break cycle of being a hermit.

3. A little over 20 days before JJ returns to RR!!!!


  1. I'm having the same problem with wanting to be alone and not be with people. So I did take my mom to lunch for her birthday yesterday and went to a friend's house for lunch today to break the cycle. I know it is hard - right now I would stay in my house without leaving if I could.

    I'm sorry work is so stressful. That is one of the reasons I took the buyout and left journalism - I was working lots of extra hours without any extra pay, and it was just too stressful for my recovery. Still, I loved journalism and it was painful to leave the paper. I hope it lets up for you, and I'm glad you get to see JJ soon!!! It must be hard to explain to him all the things going on, with your husband living one place and you another. Just know the most important thing is that he has two parents who love him and he gets to spend time with. All this other stuff won't get to him as long as he knows he is loved, and I am sure you already know that. :)

    Take care of yourself!!!



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…