NotesFromtheVoices

Happy Thanksgiving!! This Thanksgiving will go down in the record books. My husband changed his mind and JJ has been with me for a few days. In the last few days, I have watched my baby turn six and the dismantling of a family. When I first met my future husband's family, I was amazed by their closeness. There was a big Sunday dinner once a month. Thanksgiving, Christmas and other events were nice. But since the death of my mother-in-law, things have went downhill with the family. I don't know what made my husband change his mind but he did. Along with an apology for any trouble he caused me. Honestly, I accepted it and took my child back with me. It is only a few days. JJ has school on Monday but it has been nice. My baby is learning to read. And if he doesn't know a word, he will ask for the meaning. We have read several books, watched some dvds and played at the park. Plus, he got to see Mommy be a reporter. I had to cover a Christmas parade. He said it was great ...

JJ will not be coming to RR for a visit. To say that I am disappointed and angry is the understatement of the year. My son is wise beyond on young life and has dealt with things most kids haven't--death of two grandmothers, a mom with ED and his parents' separation. It is a lot for a child to deal with at the age of five. His dad asked him about a visit with me in RR. But with everything, it depends all in how you explain. My son thinks he is being sent to live with me so he doesn't want to come for a visit because he is scared that he can't come back. I could be a real bitch and force the issue and make him come. But the whole visit would have JJ wondering in the back of his mind if he is being forced to stay. So instead, I will travel south for his birthday and spend a few days with my son. I will take the high road. But make no mistake, it is known how upset I am. I will not ruin my child's birthday. He deserves to have his magically day where he is king. We wil...

My get and go is still in bed this morning. This is price one pays when they put really good sheets on the bed. I didn’t want to get up this morning. I just wanted to stay in bed and enjoy it. Note to self--must win lottery. My weekend was semi-productive when I wasn’t sleeping. I cleaned and mop both the kitchen and bathroom. I  made a homemade pasta meal with chicken, rotina pasta, a cheese sauce and onions. I was pretty proud of it. I am no Paula Deen but I did okay. Threw out a 39 gallon garbage bag full of stuff.  In nine days, JJ turns the big six and then he will hopefully come up here for a few days. Honestly, I am starting to lose hope. I think the husband is having second thoughts. I am trying to control my anger. I know the holiday are going to be rough since this is the first year without his mother. But don’t get my hopes up only to dash them. I miss my mother also. Thanksgiving was our holiday. And it will never be the same without her. I was told that JJ has ...

I am so glad that election day only happens once a year! Right now, I am so tired that coffee didn't put a dent into it.  And while I am grateful for the right to vote in this country. I dread elections with a passion because it means a late night  and then right back in here at 7:30 a.m. I am not a morning person at all. Normally, I have to be at work at 8 a.m. I don't roll out of bed until 7:15 a.m. I live two miles from the newspaper and I take full advantage of this proximity. Actually, I wake up at 6:55 a.m. Get up, head to the couch and watch the news until 7:15 a.m. Then I shower and get ready. I am a creature of habit and hate for my process to mess with.  With election night, it means there are only 17 days before JJ returns to RR. My goal for this week is to clean out the back bedroom so I can find his toys. It will be the first place he hits for when he hits the door. In my cleaning, I have discovered I am quite a pack rat. I found a box of clothes full of si...

Despite my best efforts this week, I have worked late hours each day. I try to take it easy on the last week of the month because I have to be on the go all the time for meetings. This week has rough. I realize I am falling back into some old habits that could lead me straight back to ED. One, I am consume with wanting to be alone and sleeping. And wanting to eat alone. These are my warning signs. It has taken a longtime to realize this but I am glad I do. So I am trying to be proactive. I am looking getting more involved in the community or doing something outside of Reporter Jackie. I just want to be Jackie. But I am finding that to be hard because everyone wants Reporter Jackie to make sure their organization is in the newspaper.  Plus, I got some interesting texts from the husband last night. He told JJ about the upcoming Thanksgiving visit. JJ wasn’t happy because his dad told him that he wasn’t coming. JJ is five and he wants his parents to be together. He enjoys when the t...