Skip to main content

Sadness and the anniversary of my mom's death

Today is the anniversary of my mom's death.

I should have taken the day off from work like I had original planned. I thought I was handling things well. And for the most part, I am. But today, it is a bad day and any problems I am having are magnified 1,000 percent.

I miss her so much that it literally hurts. It is everything I can do to keep from leaving work, going home and going back to bed. I can only imagine how my brother is feeling today.

My son thinks I am the most awesome mommy ever. I would disagree because Josephine Lowery was the most awesome mommy.

Most of my life's lessons came from either her or my grandmother. She always told me to never let the fact that I was female or a minority from reaching my goals in life.
She was my hero. She dropped out of school in the 11th grade to have me. She didn't let this stop her. She read the newspaper every day and was very smart.

When I was in high school, she worked two jobs while going to community college in order to get a better paying job.

My mother built brakes for various cars, trucks, race cars and other vehicles. I was never ashamed of her. I thought she was amazing and so stylish in her steel toed boots.

Even though, I wasn't a girly girl who wore makeup, my sense of style comes from her. Even when she was undergoing chemo, she would always dress nice and wear makeup. Her thing was even if you are dying, you can look decent.

I can't believe it has been a year. I wish she could see her grandsons attending kindergarten and being the little independent guys they are.

I know she is in a better place and no longer in pain. The last few days of her life were awful for her. I am glad that she is at peace.

But I miss my mommy.


  1. How difficult. They say it never totally goes away but it sounds like you are dealing as best you can. How lucky that you were blessed with such a great woman as your mom.

  2. I can't imagine what it must be like for you to miss your mum so much. My mum and I have gotten really close in the last year and the idea of losing her is just horrible. Just know that I am thinking of you at this time and I wish that you get through it safely and in one piece. Be kind to yourself. If there is any day to try and be kind, it's this day.
    *hugest ever hugs*


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…