Sadness and the anniversary of my mom's death
Today is the anniversary of my mom's death.
I should have taken the day off from work like I had original planned. I thought I was handling things well. And for the most part, I am. But today, it is a bad day and any problems I am having are magnified 1,000 percent.
I miss her so much that it literally hurts. It is everything I can do to keep from leaving work, going home and going back to bed. I can only imagine how my brother is feeling today.
My son thinks I am the most awesome mommy ever. I would disagree because Josephine Lowery was the most awesome mommy.
Most of my life's lessons came from either her or my grandmother. She always told me to never let the fact that I was female or a minority from reaching my goals in life.
She was my hero. She dropped out of school in the 11th grade to have me. She didn't let this stop her. She read the newspaper every day and was very smart.
When I was in high school, she worked two jobs while going to community college in order to get a better paying job.
My mother built brakes for various cars, trucks, race cars and other vehicles. I was never ashamed of her. I thought she was amazing and so stylish in her steel toed boots.
Even though, I wasn't a girly girl who wore makeup, my sense of style comes from her. Even when she was undergoing chemo, she would always dress nice and wear makeup. Her thing was even if you are dying, you can look decent.
I can't believe it has been a year. I wish she could see her grandsons attending kindergarten and being the little independent guys they are.
I know she is in a better place and no longer in pain. The last few days of her life were awful for her. I am glad that she is at peace.
But I miss my mommy.
I should have taken the day off from work like I had original planned. I thought I was handling things well. And for the most part, I am. But today, it is a bad day and any problems I am having are magnified 1,000 percent.
I miss her so much that it literally hurts. It is everything I can do to keep from leaving work, going home and going back to bed. I can only imagine how my brother is feeling today.
My son thinks I am the most awesome mommy ever. I would disagree because Josephine Lowery was the most awesome mommy.
Most of my life's lessons came from either her or my grandmother. She always told me to never let the fact that I was female or a minority from reaching my goals in life.
She was my hero. She dropped out of school in the 11th grade to have me. She didn't let this stop her. She read the newspaper every day and was very smart.
When I was in high school, she worked two jobs while going to community college in order to get a better paying job.
My mother built brakes for various cars, trucks, race cars and other vehicles. I was never ashamed of her. I thought she was amazing and so stylish in her steel toed boots.
Even though, I wasn't a girly girl who wore makeup, my sense of style comes from her. Even when she was undergoing chemo, she would always dress nice and wear makeup. Her thing was even if you are dying, you can look decent.
I can't believe it has been a year. I wish she could see her grandsons attending kindergarten and being the little independent guys they are.
I know she is in a better place and no longer in pain. The last few days of her life were awful for her. I am glad that she is at peace.
But I miss my mommy.
How difficult. They say it never totally goes away but it sounds like you are dealing as best you can. How lucky that you were blessed with such a great woman as your mom.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it must be like for you to miss your mum so much. My mum and I have gotten really close in the last year and the idea of losing her is just horrible. Just know that I am thinking of you at this time and I wish that you get through it safely and in one piece. Be kind to yourself. If there is any day to try and be kind, it's this day.
ReplyDelete*hugest ever hugs*
Sarah