Friday, May 6, 2011

Missing loved ones

I slowly getting back into the groove of things. It has been hard to motivate myself to do anything. The only reason that I go to work is because I don't want to get fired. Last weekend was Relay for Life and I was on duty to be the reporter. It was the absolute last place I wanted to be. I am very happy for those who are survivors but I am still sad and angry. I miss my mother and my mother-in-law. I wish there was a way for them to have beaten the big "C". I was fine until I saw the luminary bag I had purchased in my mother's memory.  To me, cancer is like a tornado. It can hit some people and leave them standing while it decimates others.

Sunday is Mother's Day. It will be the first one without her and I dread it. I should go home and put flowers on her grave but honestly, I just want to spend the day in bed. I am torn over what to do because I am a mother also. I guess I need to find out what JJ has planned for me. He's five so his plans are also his father's plans. I  just don't think I can handle it.

Another thing that has me bummed is a longtime newsroom employee had her hours cut from 40 to 20. It scares me about the unstability of the newspaper industry. I love writing but I think I need to start looking at a plan B.

I  just need to get my  head back into the game. My apartment looks like a deranged hoarder lives there. Every morning I get up, I look forward to going back to bed. I am glad my job keeps me busy. Thank God, today is Friday. I plan to hide from the world and watch tv on dvd. I think it is time to ask my therapist to up my med dosage and maybe give me a script for anxiety.

Daily Dose

1. Starting walking more since the weather is pretty.

2. Rediscovering my love of cooking

3. Facebook is not a bad thing.


  1. Sorry to hear about your mum passing away. It will be a tough day but just use it as a day to remember all the good times :) And i like your 3 daily doses hehe.

  2. I'm so sorry about your recent losses! I hope you get to see JJ tomorrow.

    The newspaper industry has been unstable for years, which is why I left it and went to graduate school. But I still miss parts of it so much, and I am glad I can do some freelancing while in school and in the summer.

    I still think there is a niche for writers in the journalism field. Perhaps you might want to look into writing for an online paper. I am going to try increase my online skills with that idea as (one) of my plans for a job after graduate school (I'm looking at other options, too.) However, there might have been other reasons that the longtime employee had her hours cut. I wouldn't panic yet. :)


  3. P.S. I agree that you should talk to your doctor about your medication. It sounds as if you are struggling with anxiety and depression. I hope he can help you.

  4. I, too, lost a parent to cancer. I lost my dad to colon cancer 23 years ago and still miss him and cry about it! After all this time! They say it takes a year to recover from someone dying and there are the stages of grief, which I did go through. And yet... the pain doesn't go away, when you think back to what it was like. I lost my best friend when my dad died.I hope you get to see your son and see the Dr.! (I went today and really feel like I need my dosage upped too, but due to my continuous "Ed", it can't be done.)
    Take care and Happy Mother's Day!


Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have t...