Friday, May 6, 2011

Missing loved ones

I slowly getting back into the groove of things. It has been hard to motivate myself to do anything. The only reason that I go to work is because I don't want to get fired. Last weekend was Relay for Life and I was on duty to be the reporter. It was the absolute last place I wanted to be. I am very happy for those who are survivors but I am still sad and angry. I miss my mother and my mother-in-law. I wish there was a way for them to have beaten the big "C". I was fine until I saw the luminary bag I had purchased in my mother's memory.  To me, cancer is like a tornado. It can hit some people and leave them standing while it decimates others.

Sunday is Mother's Day. It will be the first one without her and I dread it. I should go home and put flowers on her grave but honestly, I just want to spend the day in bed. I am torn over what to do because I am a mother also. I guess I need to find out what JJ has planned for me. He's five so his plans are also his father's plans. I  just don't think I can handle it.

Another thing that has me bummed is a longtime newsroom employee had her hours cut from 40 to 20. It scares me about the unstability of the newspaper industry. I love writing but I think I need to start looking at a plan B.

I  just need to get my  head back into the game. My apartment looks like a deranged hoarder lives there. Every morning I get up, I look forward to going back to bed. I am glad my job keeps me busy. Thank God, today is Friday. I plan to hide from the world and watch tv on dvd. I think it is time to ask my therapist to up my med dosage and maybe give me a script for anxiety.

Daily Dose

1. Starting walking more since the weather is pretty.

2. Rediscovering my love of cooking

3. Facebook is not a bad thing.


  1. Sorry to hear about your mum passing away. It will be a tough day but just use it as a day to remember all the good times :) And i like your 3 daily doses hehe.

  2. I'm so sorry about your recent losses! I hope you get to see JJ tomorrow.

    The newspaper industry has been unstable for years, which is why I left it and went to graduate school. But I still miss parts of it so much, and I am glad I can do some freelancing while in school and in the summer.

    I still think there is a niche for writers in the journalism field. Perhaps you might want to look into writing for an online paper. I am going to try increase my online skills with that idea as (one) of my plans for a job after graduate school (I'm looking at other options, too.) However, there might have been other reasons that the longtime employee had her hours cut. I wouldn't panic yet. :)


  3. P.S. I agree that you should talk to your doctor about your medication. It sounds as if you are struggling with anxiety and depression. I hope he can help you.

  4. I, too, lost a parent to cancer. I lost my dad to colon cancer 23 years ago and still miss him and cry about it! After all this time! They say it takes a year to recover from someone dying and there are the stages of grief, which I did go through. And yet... the pain doesn't go away, when you think back to what it was like. I lost my best friend when my dad died.I hope you get to see your son and see the Dr.! (I went today and really feel like I need my dosage upped too, but due to my continuous "Ed", it can't be done.)
    Take care and Happy Mother's Day!


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