It is not what I see in the mirror that upsets me. It is people's reaction to the fact that I am no longer scary thin. Today wasn't a bad luck day. It was just plain weird. I had three people ask me if I am pregnant. I have been trying to work out and watch what I eat. So I am a mixture of emotions but I am okay. In all of the madness, I never once thought about restricting. My thoughts were healthy. When I was tempted to call myself a "fat ass," I stopped and said something positive.
It has been three weeks since the death of my mother-in-law. Things are chaotic for my husband. His mom died. His dad started dating someone while she was dying. And now he wants to bring the new person around. I am trying my best to good friend and sounding board. I can advise him on grief but not on the actions of father, which have divided the family. Why does death bring out the ugly in people? JJ is taking it okay but I worry. I have been looking into summer programs here so maybe he can spend sometime here once school is out.
|My sweet little guy sleeping!|
As I write this, I am sitting in my clean living room. I have lit some vanilla cream candles and the smell is awesome. For the first time in weeks, I feel at peace. It is a good feeling that I fight tooth and nail to keep. Tomorrow, it is the Festival of the Roanoke. I am going to go as a regular person not as reporter girl.
I wish all a good weekend full of fun and happy thoughts!
1. I interviewed Darius Rucker on Thursday. He was so nice.
2. Took photos for a co-worker, who's daughter graduated last night. They turned out well and I got paid.
3. Realizing I shouldn't be so hard on myself.