NotesFromtheVoices

I have worked like crazy this week. And it has been worth it because I am on vacation for the next seven glorious days with JJ. And here's something interesting--my husband is coming with him. And is thinking about staying longer. When he told me, I almost choked on the Pop-Tart I was eating. My mom was right. If you are patient, things may eventually go your way. Daily Dose 1. It is vacation time! 2. Spending time with JJ. 3. Having a clean apartment!

Only two more days before I go on vacation!!!!! I have never in my life wanted some time off so bad. The last few weeks have been crazy and hectic. But today, I made a new friend. Her name is Betty. Betty liked me for me and was content to allow me to pat her. I spend some time at a learning farm where I met all kinds of animals from Llamas and peacocks to miniatures horses and sheep. It was hot as hell but I had a great time. I think I will take JJ there next week. This is Betty. She is so friendly and  a camera hog. We are greeting each other. So far, everything is set for him to come up with me for a visit. I am trying not to get my hopes up to much because something always prevents him coming to RR. So keep your fingers cross for me. I can't help it but I am so excited. This week has been much better than last week. Last week, for every three people I encountered, two would ask me if I was pregnant. It was a lot for one person to take. It resulted in me being g...

JJ will walk across the stage on May 31. He will graduate from Pre-Kindergarten. He is so excited. And I am so excited for him. It seems like yesterday he was so tiny and helpless. And now he wants a skateboard so he can do stunts and wonders when he can cross the street alone. My baby is growing up. My life would be so bleak and sad without him and his love . Whenever we talk, he tell me how much he loves me. JJ--I love you more than ice cream. And I loooove ice cream Mommy. Me--I love you more than a ton of magazines and pens. JJ--Wow, I know how much you enjoy magazines. This game continues for awhile. It is nice to know there is someone in this world who loves me for me. Not because I can write or take pictures. But because I can blow huge bubbles, climb the monkey bars and give up my Happy Meal toy for the greater good. And I love him because he is a wonderful child who has had to endure a lot in the past year--separation of his parents and the death of two grandmothers. ...

My dosage has been increased for my medication. Lately, my get and go is content to lay on the couch and watch Criminal Minds. All week I have looked forward to having the weekend off. My plan is to get my apartment in order. My bed or Mt. St. Clothes has all of my clothes on it. On Tuesday, I was getting ready for work and realized nothing fit. Before I knew it, everything was out of the drawers  and the closet and I was in tears. In the eight months since my mother's death, I have went from a size 0 to a size eight. I made peace with it on Wednesday night when I finished boxing some clothes for charity. It is not what I see in the mirror that upsets me. It is people's reaction to the fact that I am no longer scary thin. Today wasn't a bad luck day. It was just plain weird. I had three people ask me if I am pregnant. I have been trying to work out and watch what I eat. So I am a mixture of emotions but I am okay. In all of the madness, I never once thought about restric...

I slowly getting back into the groove of things. It has been hard to motivate myself to do anything. The only reason that I go to work is because I don't want to get fired. Last weekend was Relay for Life and I was on duty to be the reporter. It was the absolute last place I wanted to be. I am very happy for those who are survivors but I am still sad and angry. I miss my mother and my mother-in-law. I wish there was a way for them to have beaten the big "C". I was fine until I saw the luminary bag I had purchased in my mother's memory.  To me, cancer is like a tornado. It can hit some people and leave them standing while it decimates others. Sunday is Mother's Day. It will be the first one without her and I dread it. I should go home and put flowers on her grave but honestly, I just want to spend the day in bed. I am torn over what to do because I am a mother also. I guess I need to find out what JJ has planned for me. He's five so his plans are also his f...