Sunday, March 6, 2011

Struggling

One of my favorite school events to cover is Read Across America. It is the celebration of Dr. Seuss' birthday. After the last few weeks, I was looking forward to wearing a giant red and white hat. The day started out pretty cool.  I was finally starting to feel comfortable in my body. And then a teacher walked up to me and patted me on the stomach and said my son must be so happy that he is getting a brother or sister. I didn't cry or get angry. I just quietly told her that I wasn't pregnant. She started apologizing.

I wish I could say it didn't get to me but it did. Between the woman at work, not being able to fit my clothes and not being able to look at myself in the mirror, this was the final straw. I have been restricting some. For the last few months, I had started to enjoy food. I know this is part of recovery. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw a fat slob. Everything I tried on showed how big my stomach has gotten.

I have all of these emotions. My mother-in-law will probably be dead by the end of this week. Work has become insane. I feel like everything is spiraling out of control. I am suppose to meet with Dr. M on Tuesday. He wants to up my meds. I don't  because it will increase my appetite. He is trying to find a dietitian for me to talk with. I am trying to be proactive but I am scared that I will slip.

Daily Dose

1. Texting with my son!
2. Working out safely
3. Watching a Criminal Minds marathon!

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for coming to visit.
    I wish you a good Monday.
    You are on a journey. I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. My belly bothers me somewhat too but I am trying to keep it in check. Andy told me I was a little 'tubby' the other day and the good thing, I was able to let it go. I know I am finally recovered but I have to be constantly vigilant. I know you can get through this and what that lady said was really bad form. She should know that you just don't say things like that unless you are certain and I imagine that it would have been very distressing. It's these comments that start eating disorders in the first place. I am sorry you had to feel that. Thinking of you!
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete

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