Trying to get back to my happy place

This has been a difficult week but thank God for supportive friends. A big thank you to everyone who left words of encouragement. I wish I could say that I let all of this roll off of my back. It didn't but I am still standing.

In the past, I worried about telling others about my ED and recovery. I am so glad that I confided to my friends at work because it made things a little more bearable. Her comments made me realize that I still have some body issues that need to address. But I have come a long way in the past few months. If this had happen a year ago, I would have been devastated and probably restricted like crazy. I work hard to keep ED's thoughts muted. This week, they came in loud.

All of this wouldn't have been so bad. But she decided to elect herself as my own personal food police. If I was at the snack machine, she watched and shook her head. It was little things like this that started to get to me.The breaking point came Thursday at lunch. I was in the break room with my lunch bunch eating some KFC. She came in to get some water. I ignored her but my friends noticed that she stood behind me looking at what I was eating and shaking here head in disgust.

Later that afternoon, I had a closed door meeting my editor. I told him what was going on and that this was harassment. He was very supportive and very upset. He know about my ED. He assured that this type of thing is not condoned by the company. I am not sure what the fall out will be but I have come to far to be treated like this. These series of incidents could have set me back months.

I know that I have gained. I am semi-cool with the weight gain. I have been cleared to do exercise. And how dare that bitch tell me that I’m fat. She has no idea how low I have been, what I have been through and how hard I have worked.
I am finally starting to eat with others and not feel weird. She wasn’t taking this from me. So yes, I went to my editor. I don’t want her fired because she has worked there for years. I wish my mom was alive. She would know what to say to make me feel better. But I know she is proud at how I handled this.

So I am trying to get back to my happy place. A place where I was confident and proud of myself. Right now, I am okay. I covered my mirrors to keep myself from looking and stressing over my body. When I look in the mirror, I don’t see the confident and healthy girl I saw two weeks ago. I see someone who has let herself go.

I did have an emergency appointment with my therapist. And I was honest with Dr. M. I have stopped eating breakfast. Lunch is good because I am with the lunch bunch. But for the a few nights, dinner was toast with strawberry spread and a small salad.  We talked about this and developed a plan, which is working.

In the last few months, my husband and I have become friends again. I told him about this and he was very upset because he knows how hard I have worked to make progress. He told me that he was very proud of my progress and that I looked so good and healthy.

This is just a temporary speed bump. I can’t eliminate or restrict my eating. My job is too demanding. I need all my energy and strength to cover four school districts, a community college, nine small towns  and whatever else happens. Plus, I got two magazines, a website, a radio broadcast, Facebook and Twitter. And most importantly, a five year old who thinks I am awesome. There is no room in my life for ED.

Daily Dose

1.      Being able to see the Picasso exhibit in person. It was amazing.

2.      Finding an really cool jacket to wear to the art gallery tomorrow night.

3.      For having supportive friends who care about my well-being. (If you are reading this, you are one of those friends. So thanks!