Friday, September 17, 2010

Day by day

I am home where I belong. The last few days have been very tough. Death brings out the ugly in people. I feel so lost. I am so used to calling my mother during the day and when I get off from work. I can only imagine how my brother must feel. He was so upset at funeral. It made my heart ache to see him cry so hard.

With everything going on, I am exhausted. I would have taken a few days off but I am tapped out of vacation and sick time. So I am back at work doing what I do best. I have received so many cards and phone calls from people that I report about. It tells me I'm doing okay up here.

We had an open casket for my mother so the people she worked with could have a viewing. My brother  said he couldn't do the viewing with all the people. The family wasn't required to be there but I wanted to meet some of the people that knew her. My mother was well beloved. So many people told me stories about her and a how great she was. It was nice to know others knew how great she was.

My mom was my biggest fan and supporter. It seems so unreal that she is gone. I am a combination of numbness and sadness. I feel guilty for laughing or enjoying things. I know I shouldn't but I do. Time. It will just take time and plenty of chocolate peanut butter bugles. Today was the first day I felt like myself. I actually slept pretty decent last night.

A big thanks to everyone for your condolences. It means a whole lot to me.

Daily Dose

1. Being able to come home

2. Carrot cake from Ryan's

3. Watching Project Runaway while eating chili cheese fries


  1. Your mom would want you to be happy and joyful. Glad to know you are hanging in there. Keep it up and this too shall pass. So, so sorry for your loss.

  2. I'm glad you're feeling back to yourself, slowly. I'm sure your mom is watching over you. It must have been so great to meet all those who knew and loved her and share stories. I'm sure this is a surreal, difficult time. Take care of yourself.

  3. Oh, there you are! I was so worried not seeing any new post.. glad you are back :)
    it will take time to realise all this but you have to stay strong and take good care of yourself because your little man needs you. Oh, you didn't tell us if you told him. It's always hard explaining serious things to kids.

    *one big hug*

  4. Sending you lots of love, you are in my prayers. I am glad that you're home and safe, and coping healthily. It will take much time, but know that we are all here and thinking about you. Take care!


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