Without dignity, there is nothing

If anything I have learned from my mom is to keep your dignity and self-respect at all cost. She has lost all of her hair but none of us have seen her without a scarf. She had a partial mastectomy. No one has seen anything or tries to because we want to preserve her dignity.

Today has been interesting. With a ton of fluids, antibiotics and other things in her, she woke up at 4:30 a.m. on a mission--to have a bath. I will admit I was tired but I'm a team player. She had overheard the nurses talking about a patient who hadn't bathed in five days. "I feel decent. I don't want to smell. You can sleep later," she said. After this, she swished with her magic mouthwash. By 5:15 a.m., we were both headed back to dream land when we heard the most saddest cries. A patient was in a lot of pain and fighting the pain meds. My heart went out to her. My mom got a little upset because she felt the nurses could have done more. At 8 a.m., I was awaken out of a sound sleep. My mom wanted us to have breakfast together at the same time. I put on some clothes and headed to the cafeteria.

The cafeteria is a bit overwhelming for me. There are so many breakfast options. I got chipped beef on toast with orange juice. My mom had grits with butter, blueberry yogurt and a strawberry ensure. Now, she didn't eat it all completely but she gave it a try. She is determined to gain some weight. Even with all of the pain and everything, she is so determined. It was nice having breakfast together. Not the most ideal situation but nice. She worries about me and knows when I'm stressed, I don't eat. I have been given a food allowance.

I think I will have a nap before taking a morning walk of the perimeter. My brother plans to come over after work. At that time, I plan to take a long walk and see what magazines I can find. My mother isn't happy with him right now. As I a kid, I enjoyed watching him get yelled at. I saw it as a perk of being the big sister. But this time, I can see both sides of the issue. I'll give them their privacy and a chance to talk. We have a long road ahead of us. And it will be a lot easier if we are all getting along.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers. It means more than you will ever know.

Daily Dose

1. Chipped beef is interesting. It filled me up. And I never want to eat it again. Ever.

2. Cute guy in elevator flirted with me. I looked rough and so did he. His mom was the patient having the rough night.

3. Found the Aug 2010 issue of Real Simple. Swapped it for a July 2010 Reader's Digest.