Skip to main content

The story of how a very sad day was saved by the sweetest little boy in the world

A visit from my favorite guy in the whole world.

It was not a good day in Room 318. My brother and I met with my mother's doctor. He was very honest and laid it all on the table. I had tried to prepare myself. My brother couldn't do it.

Dr. T told us how strong and resilant our mom has been throughout this battle with cancer. But he wasn't sure how much more of the chemo she could take. He talked to us about the other options--hospice and pallic care and DNR orders. I could tell my brother was about to go over the edge. Then Dr. T estimated without chemo, she would probably have three months to a year tops. She is in no condition to do any chemo. This morning, I watched her put on a catheter and given a medication pump  that constantly drips medicine and allows her to press a button. It was a day I wasn't ready for but knew it would eventually come.

Once the meeting was over, my brother disappeared. Then Dr. T talked with my mother. He admitted to her that he had never had a patient like her who was such a fighter. He mentioned the DNR. She said she wanted my brother and I to make the decision. A decision that my brother and I are divided on. So between meetings, breathing treatments and other things, it was a sad day until my husband texted me and said he was bringing JJ.

JJ, sweet JJ! I have missed him so much. He brought a smile to my face, my brother's and my mother's. He even had her laughing a few times. Of all the accomplishments in my life, fighting my ED to have him was one of the biggest. I love my baby. Oh, sorry, little guy.

Daily Dose

1. Several hugs and kisses from JJ.

2. Chicken and broccoli from the Chinese restraunt down the street.

3. Appreciating the time I have left with my mommy/.


  1. i'm really sorry about the doctor's news about your mom. i'm glad JJ was there to give you some relief. hugs to you.

  2. Wow, your mom sounds like such a strong, determined fighter. I'm sure it was so hard to hear the doctor's news. I know you will fully appreciate any time you have with her, and I hope she's in as little pain as possible. I'm so happy your husband brought JJ to visit. He is such a heart-warmer!

  3. I'm so sorry to hear about the news... hang in there... keep fighting to be strong. xo

  4. I'm really sorry you are having to go trhough this rigt now. It's not something anyone copes with easily but I am amazed by how you're doing. You are so strong and your mum sounds like she is really strong too. I wish you the best and I want you to know you are in my thoughts. Take special care of you!

  5. Wow... how much has that little guy grown.
    He is so beautiful as are you.

    I am very sorry to read about your Mothers suffering and the sadness that you all must be feeling.

    take care and be kind to each other
    thinking of you
    x Robyn

  6. ps... your blog is looking great! :)

  7. I'm so proud of your mom.. and you are such a strong person!!
    I admire both of you and send you lots of courage, dear!

  8. I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. She sounds like one strong lady who has fought hard, and now deserves to rest.

    I love the pic of you and your son ... it is beautiful. But I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the picture also worries me, because you look like you've lost weight since the last picture your posted. Please don't be angry at me for saying that. I'm just concerned that your eating disorder doesn't take over again since you have come so far. If you need to talk, message me via FB or by e-mail (it's on my profile.)

    Know that all of us care and just want you to stay well. And I know J.J. does too! :)



Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…