Friday, June 4, 2010

Back at the hospital and other thoughts

My journey home started okay. I made a special cd for the drive. In the middle of the drive, I receive a call from my mom. Her potassium level was very low and she needed to be at the hospital immediately. As I write, my mother is hooked up to an IV and is on her sixth bag of potassium. It takes an hour for each bag.

My mother was diagonosed with cancer in 2005. Today was the first time in all of those years that she truly looks like she has cancer. She looks so frail and she is in a lot of pain from the chemo. I feel helpless and scared. I know she is happy I am here. I feel guilty because I'm not here often enough.

So I have spent the afternoon making sure she makes it to the restroom and gets something to drink. And in few hours, I'll drive her back to my aunt's house and get her settled in for the night. As the postassium gets pumped in, I have watched a Law and Order marathon.

I plan to spent most of my weekend with my mom and then visit JJ before heading back. I really don't have much to say to my husband. As long as he receives a check from me he's happy. When I talk to him, I am civil. I would love to bring JJ to RR but I just don't feel like the drama. I am sick of having my stability questioned. I am sick of having my phone calls with JJ on speaker and having what I call supervised visits. I have quietly asked around about lawyers. I'm a reporter so I don't make much money. But I have got to do something. So I am keeping better records of the money I am sending for JJ. I'll keep you posted.

Daily Dose

1. Music makes long trip go by quicker.

2. I love my mom.

3. I know this hospital better than most people who work here.


  1. Definitely keep records of the money you're sending! Here in CA, they have special centers that do law services for less money than a lawyer would normally charge. I would look into something like that. It's such a tough situation. It's great that you're able to remain calm and civil.
    I hope your mom is OK. I can only imagine how hard it must be to see her suffering. It's so nice of you to sit with her. I know you feel guilty for not doing more, but you are doing SO MUCH. Take care of yourself!

  2. Sorry to hear your mom is not well. That must be so very hard.

  3. thankyou for saying my words were so truthful and thankyou for following me, i returned the gesture :)
    you appear to have a pretty hectic life..and as for your mum, i can't imagine what you're going through.. but stay strong, there's always hope, even at the lowest of times :)
    with love, xxx


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