Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Holding on

I added up my hours for work. Monday and Tuesday, i worked a total of 24 hours. I have given this newspaper 24 freaking hours of my life.

I have to admit the last few weeks have not been easy. My ED has reared its ugly head. She knows when things are stressful or sad for that my sheer will to keep an eating routine goes by the wayside. I am going home this weekend where I will pick up my insurance cards. And next week find a therapist and get back on my meds. I have realized now is not the time to be without a safety net.

If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere--Unknown

A friend once said this to me. She said it kind of summed up life. If life was too easy and comfortable, it probably wouldn't be worth it. I have thought about that quote a lot these days and again. Today, the publisher rewarded the newsroom with pizza from Pizza Hut. I envied my co-workers ease with eating. I ate one slice with on problem. But with the first bite of the second slice, the whisperings of my ED started. I still managed to eat the second slice. I rewarded myself with slice of Hershey Sundae pie from Burger King.

It is nice to sit and watch tv and not worrying about writing a story or being at an event. This weekend, I will be busy with work and then heading home to see my son and mom.

Daily Dose

1. Free lunch for doing a job well
2. Watching figure skating and snowboarding. It makes me want to be more active.
3. Hearing my son's voice.

4 comments:

  1. I love that quote, and think it's so true. I'm glad you realize the need for a safety net. That's half the battle, right? You know when you're struggling with food, and you seem motivated to find a therapist and get on medications that you know work for you. That makes me think you really want to stay on track, which is great. I know it's a tough time...
    I've also been watching the Olympics. Makes me happy!

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  2. Be careful. Be very careful. I was a full-time journalist for 11 years (still freelancing) and it is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of chasing the story, being part of the bigger picture, meeting the deadline - and then ED just leeches onto that and that's when you are most vulnerable.

    I know this job means a lot to you - just don't let it take your life. You're worth more than that.

    Angela

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  3. P.S. I'm worried about you. The fact that you struggled to eat a second piece of pizza is not a good sign. I'm glad you are going back to a therapist and on meds. Don't lose all the gains you've made. (If you want motivation, ask me about my recent experience with a feeding tube.)

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  4. I'm sorry the last few weeks have been tough... good luck with finding a therapist!

    <3 <3

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