Sunday, July 19, 2009
When I was little girl, about nine, I got mad about something and decided to run away from home. I told my grandmother of my intentions. She got out a small bag and advised me on what to pack and even packed a paper bag lunch with can of soda. She gave me a big hug and wished me well in the world. She told me would miss me and lovely ways. I started walking and then I reached the mailbox. One step and I would be on the road to a new life. The problem—I wasn’t allowed to go beyond the mailbox. A true runaway would have overlooked that problem. But not me, I was a good kid and knew that was one of my grandma’s biggies when it came to rules. You cannot leave the yard. So I camped out under the oak tree near the mailbox. I read my book and ate my lunch. And I thought about my life on the road. My grandmother brought a glass of lemonade and a piece of pound cake. Eventually, the sun went down and I went in the house. My grandmother simply said, “I’m glad you came back. Now wash up for supper.”
Sometimes, I feel so lost and not sure what to do with my life. Those are the days I miss her the most. I could go to her and talk about it. She would listen and tell me a story. She died in mid-July 11 years ago.
Yesterday, JJ and I visited my family. There was an impromptu cookout with burgers and hotdogs. I ate some but everyone seemed to be watching me which made me a little nervous. We had a nice time. We got home at dark. I snapped a picture of my parents helping JJ put on his pads and helmet to go for a bike ride.
Here’s something that bugs me. If my husband goes somewhere with JJ and comes home, he will call me to come and help with JJ and stuff he has in the truck. If I go somewhere with JJ, nine times out of ten, there is no one home to help me with JJ and stuff. Last night, he was home, he opened the door. No offers to help with stuff and JJ’s bike that I took with us so JJ could ride with his cousins. I decided as I lugged the bike up the steps that I was officially off duty. The boys were on their own. For the rest of the evening, I declared it Crime TV. I watched Numbers, some crime show, Without a Trace and Cold Case. I also started re-reading My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. I had read it a longtime ago but wanted to read it again before I see the movie. It still is just as good as I remember it. However, the first time I read it, I wasn’t a mother so now reading makes me think more. I know what it feels like when a child is sick and you are terrified out of your mind about it. I am so glad that JJ has been given a clean bill of health.
I woke up this morning feeling more hopeful that I have felt in a longtime. I guess because there are so many prospects for jobs. I genuinely feel like something is just around the corner. Maybe, this week I will hear something from the Center about starting treatment.
1. I feel hopeful about life.
2. Remembering my grandmother and all the lessons she taught me.
3. Rereading a good book.
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