Skip to main content

Running away

When I was little girl, about nine, I got mad about something and decided to run away from home. I told my grandmother of my intentions. She got out a small bag and advised me on what to pack and even packed a paper bag lunch with can of soda. She gave me a big hug and wished me well in the world. She told me would miss me and lovely ways. I started walking and then I reached the mailbox. One step and I would be on the road to a new life. The problem—I wasn’t allowed to go beyond the mailbox. A true runaway would have overlooked that problem. But not me, I was a good kid and knew that was one of my grandma’s biggies when it came to rules. You cannot leave the yard. So I camped out under the oak tree near the mailbox. I read my book and ate my lunch. And I thought about my life on the road. My grandmother brought a glass of lemonade and a piece of pound cake. Eventually, the sun went down and I went in the house. My grandmother simply said, “I’m glad you came back. Now wash up for supper.”

Sometimes, I feel so lost and not sure what to do with my life. Those are the days I miss her the most. I could go to her and talk about it. She would listen and tell me a story. She died in mid-July 11 years ago.

Yesterday, JJ and I visited my family. There was an impromptu cookout with burgers and hotdogs. I ate some but everyone seemed to be watching me which made me a little nervous. We had a nice time. We got home at dark. I snapped a picture of my parents helping JJ put on his pads and helmet to go for a bike ride.

Here’s something that bugs me. If my husband goes somewhere with JJ and comes home, he will call me to come and help with JJ and stuff he has in the truck. If I go somewhere with JJ, nine times out of ten, there is no one home to help me with JJ and stuff. Last night, he was home, he opened the door. No offers to help with stuff and JJ’s bike that I took with us so JJ could ride with his cousins. I decided as I lugged the bike up the steps that I was officially off duty. The boys were on their own. For the rest of the evening, I declared it Crime TV. I watched Numbers, some crime show, Without a Trace and Cold Case. I also started re-reading My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult. I had read it a longtime ago but wanted to read it again before I see the movie. It still is just as good as I remember it. However, the first time I read it, I wasn’t a mother so now reading makes me think more. I know what it feels like when a child is sick and you are terrified out of your mind about it. I am so glad that JJ has been given a clean bill of health.

I woke up this morning feeling more hopeful that I have felt in a longtime. I guess because there are so many prospects for jobs. I genuinely feel like something is just around the corner. Maybe, this week I will hear something from the Center about starting treatment.

Daily Dose

1. I feel hopeful about life.
2. Remembering my grandmother and all the lessons she taught me.
3. Rereading a good book.


  1. Hope is a wonderful feeling :) I feel like something is right around the corner too :)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Spending time with my son

Memorial Day is always special for me as a reporter and a person. It is a chance to recognize who gave their life so I and others can have the freedom we have. 
Normally, I work and get to take Memorial Day holiday on another day. This year, I got a double bonus. 

I got to spend the long weekend with my son. Things some how worked that my son’s aunt met me halfway and JJ was able to spend three days in Pickle Land with me. He had a chance to see me working and spend quality time together.

JJ is now 11. He is squarely in the pre-teen world. His voice is changing along with other things. My baby is growing up and it scares me. He got to see my new teeth and loved them. He said it was nice to see me so happy. 
We had a chance to talk and just spend some time together. And in two weeks, he returns for a two week involving my week long vacation and a bunch of day camps. It has been a good few days.
The other part is my Memorial Day weekend is this weekend. I'm going to the Lake to hang with…

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…