Yesterday, I went for study day. I met with the nutritionist who was pleased that I am drinking more water and adding more veggies to my diet. She said she was also pleased with my attitude of being proactive and being able to see my triggers to restrict. I have to say that I really feel comfortable with the nutritionist. In the past, most nutritionist are judgmental and bossy but she is polite but firm. I like that.
Next up was my therapist Milly. She is the coolest. We talk about different things and then I discovered my husband had not called the couples' therapist to tell her he wasn't coming. Milly and I discuss this. I told her I have done everything in my power to convince my husband about important it is to participate in this study. But my husband seems to think I find treatment closer and pay a sliding fee rate. The sliding fee rate is okay after I finish but I gaining some great tools and help now for fee from one of the best eating disorder programs in the nation. For some reason, he just doesn't get this. Or the fact that is hard to admit to someone that you have an ED and divulge your deepest and darkest feelings about it. I wonder sometimes if he just wants me to always be fragile and helpless. I mean he says he wants me well and wants the girl he first knew years ago but I wonder.....
Anyway, this is just one of three major topics to talk about this weekend. In the past, I wouldn't have been up for this. But being in this study has given me a lot of tools and strength. If I have to leave the study, I can say one thing for certain--it wasn't because I didn't try or because I gave up. I have met most of my goals.
GOAL 1--Gain and maintain a weight between 103 to 110 lbs. I have done this. I now weigh 107.9 lbs. And I am okay with this weight. A teensy bit of anxious but overall I feel good about it.
GOAL 2--Eat three meals and two snacks. I am also there on this one. It is more like two meals (lunch and dinner), one big snack (breakfast) and two snacks.
GOAL 3--Drink more water. This is goal has been met and surpassed.
As for my husband, I don't really know what to do. I could see if I wasn't getting any better or just wasn't trying. So whatever the problem is, it is on him. But as for me, I am going to be okay.