It's official

-
After a long talk about a lot of stuff, my husband finally admitted that he didn't want to participate in the study. I'm not upset or angry. I just glad he finally admitted so we stop wasting everybody's time. Since this is a holiday, I am looking for eating disorder specialists who have a sliding scale. I think it is important that I stay on the road of recovery and not be left to my own devices. Since my own devices usually include crippling depression, restricting like crazy and suicidal thoughts.

I am glad we cleared the air. Last night, I wrote him a two page letter with bullet points. He said the letter gave our conversation some structure. I am not naive to think things will be all peaches and cream. It felt good to be heard and to have a conversation over a meal. My husband said he has missed us going out to eat to discuss things and just be a couple. I had the buffet at KFC. In the past, buffets would frighten me but the KFC buffet here is small and manageable.


Also I realize I didn't thank my husband for the dress he got me for our anniversary. I told him I was preoccupied with the fact the dress was formfitting and would make me look like was pregnant. But secretly I am wondering why did he buy that dress. I mean he knows my body issues. Why not a pair of jeans and a shirt? Why that dress. It's a nice dress with a nice pair of sandals. Maybe, he figured it would give a goal to aspire to wear.

Even though, I am leaving the study. I don't think it was a waste. I have gained a lot from my therapists. I now know that I am ready for recovery and not afraid to face my fears. It's scary but it's even scary if I don't try and ended up letting Ana defeat me. I refuse to let her win.

Comments

  1. KimApril 10, 2009 at 2:15 PM

    I'm so glad you were able to connect with your husband. It feels so good to clear the air, doesn't it? My husband and I had our own hefty talk today. Sigh...
    I think your husband got you the dress as a nice gesture. He thinks you're beautiful. He wants you to FEEL beautiful. I wouldn't overthink it. He can't know how you interpret it, fully.
    Anyway, you're smart to find a sliding scale therapist to help you stay on track. It sounds like you're doing lots of good work. To me, talking things out is just as important (and scary) as the eating part. Thanks for the inspiring words :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Thrifty Book NerdApril 10, 2009 at 4:43 PM

    Thanks for your kind words. I agree that he brought the dress as a nice gesture. And for me, talking about the eating part actually helps me with eating. Thanks a bunch!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Barbara SwaffordApril 11, 2009 at 4:31 AM

    Hi Silly Girl,

    I'm sorry to hear you won't be participating in the study anymore, but it does sound like you're getting a good grasp on your eating disorder. You've got a fabulous attitude and the determination to succeed. I believe you can do it.

    Here's wishing you and yours a wonderful Easter.

    See you again soon.

    P.S. Thank you for dropping by my blog and commenting. I truly appreciate your input.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BOOK REVIEW: The Other Emily by Dean Koontz

-
Image
  It is hard to write about "The Other Emily" by Dean Koontz. It is not because it is a bad book. I was pretty pleased with and enjoyed it. But how do you write about a book without giving away key plot points? The synopsis is simple. Emily Carlino vanished 10 years ago after her car broke down on a California highway. She was presumed to be one of serial killer Ronny Lee Jessup’s victims. Her remains were never found. Emily was the love of writer David Thorne’s life. He hasn’t recovered from losing her or from the guilt of not being there to save her. Since then,   Thorne has sought closure any way he can. He visits with Jessup regularly in prison, desperate for answers about Emily’s final hours so he may finally lay her body to rest. Then Thorne meets Maddison Sutton. Everything about Maddison from her face to her kisses is just like Emily.   Is she Emily? Or an irresistible dead ringer? Either way, the ultimate question is the same: What game is she playing? What
Read more

COVID is the worst

-
It has been almost two weeks since my son was diagnosed with COVID-19. COVID is the worst because there are very few ways to treat it. And you can't be near your loved one. So I am calling a few times a day and praying. I visited him on Saturday. He stood at his window and waved at me standing outside of it.   There are 608,946 people in South Carolina who have or had COVID. My son is one of those people.  He isn't just a number. He is a 15-year-old wise-ass who loves to play video games, read anime, and sing. He is not sure what he wants to do with his life but I want him to be able to have a life. 
Read more

Stopping a downward spiral

-
In the past, my birthday has always been a trigger for me to relapse or get anxious. But for the past two years, my birthday has been my birthday. A day to celebrate my birth.  Around Thanksgiving, I started feeling different. December was just a month of misery. I now realize that my meds had stopped working. So here I stand at a crossroad--I can increase the dosage and continue on my merry way or not. Remeron not only stabilizes my mood but gives me an appetite.  I haven't had one since Thanksgiving. I eat based on time. If it is 7:15 a.m., it is breakfast. By noon, I must eat lunch and dinner between 6 and 7 p.m. If I increased the dosage, the appetite comes back for awhile  but I will gain more weight. This is why I was taking Seroquel to help with anxiety.  I don't think there is a enough Seroquel in the world to deal with my anxiety. And while my therapist is being helpful, he admitted this is beyond him. So we are looking for a therapist outside of the area who can he
Read more