Friday, June 28, 2013

Rebooting my attitude for life

I have reached a point in my life where I am tired of feeling sorry for myself. I am making less than I did when I first left college. I want to be able to take my son to the beach or to the amusement park. Hell, right now just being able to visit him is a luxury.

I had an epiphany this week while driving to an assignment. Lately, I have been doing craft projects with a photography slant to them to relax, destress and detox from work.

Why not see if I could earn some spare cash. My first project was Father’s Day present for JJ’s father. I made photo coaster using ceramic tiles and various photos of JJ.
Photo coasters

 I am not sure where this will go but what do I have to lose. I even have name for them-- JJ’s Creations! I picked it so I wouldn’t forgot the reason and where the money will go.

Another avenue I am exploring is freelancing for a magazine. I know this will not be easy but I have some magazine experience thanks to my newspaper.

For years, I have written daytrippers for our Lake Magazine. A few weeks ago, the magazine was redesigned and no more day trip features. I miss writing them. They were so much fun to do and write. I got to visit some really cool places for free. And it was my fun outlet. So I am going to send some query letters out to some regional travel magazines and see what happens.

Where is all of this coming from?  I am sick of being so negative, so unhappy and broke. July 1 is the beginning of a new fiscal year and I see it as a new beginning. Instead of complaining and moping, I am doing  something to help myself.

To demonstrate my committment, I have set up an office space in my living room to motivate me.

My living room is definitely living up to its name. I have my large book collection on display there to give me inspiration and peace.

My books keep me happy and sane!!

I’ll keep you posted on how things are going but I feel really good about this. I need the extra money but don’t have the time to get a second job. But if this doesn’t work, I not ruling out a second job.


1. To be blessed with so many amazing friends!!

2. Becoming addicted to pigs in a blanket!!

3. Cleaning up and finding a storage tote full of clothes, shoes and purses. It was like Christmas!!!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Funny but true story

My car is fixed. Instead of being bummed, I used the time to clean, read and relax. It's been a long time since I slowed down.
I asked my friends who have in RR to tell me the best place to go for repairs. We will call it Tire X. It is a place down the street from the newspaper since I would need to have it towed.

I made the call Monday morning for them to pick Bea up. Yes, my car is named Beatrice. Bea for short. My friend J picked me up so I could drop off the key and pick up some groceries.
So story short, Tire X picked up the wrong car. So my coworker M comes out for a late lunch discovers her Grand am gone and my cavalier in the parking lot. Not only did they take the wrong car but key for my car fits her ignition. It was all figured out with her "stealing" her car from Tire after hours.

The repair was some wire replacement, no towing fee and minimal pain to my bank account. God is awesome.
I will see my son soon. I just have to keep the faith.

1. Rekindling my love of Bonanza.

2. Being appreciative of my blessings and friends.

3. Eating a brown mule while watching a cute guy mow the lawn.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Sad and Stranded on a Sunday

Two weeks ago, I turned in the time off sheet to have a long weekend with JJ.

Right now, I should be with him. Instead, I am stranded at my apartment without a car. My starter isn't working. I am disappointed. I was so looking forward to seeing. 

The day has not been a total loss. I woke up this morning and walked to the convenience store for a newspaper and some junk food. Made my bed for the first time in weeks. Watched some travel and cooking shoots. I am looking at this unexpected detour as a blessing. Everything happens for a reason.

1. I wasn't on the road when the starter went bad.

2. Orange soda makes things bearable.
3. Vegging.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Examining the state of things

In a few months, I will turn 40. This is a big milestone considering I never thought I would reach the age of 30. I always figured that ED would win so I never really planned the future. In my teens and 20s, ED defined who I was. I was the suicidal anorexic who spend more time in the hospital than enjoying life.

But how things have changed. Now I am Jacqueline. I am actually recovering and I have a child. Something doctors said would never happen. But I realize as I watched students graduate this weekend that I am not happy with the way things are going in my life. Recovery wise I am okay but the other aspects of my life are not so good.

I love being a journalist. I love being able to tell people's stories, take photos and hear the press run as it prints that day's edition. But lately, it has been hard to get out of bed, get dress and make my five minute commute to work.

It's the low pay, high demands and uncertainty that saddens me. And the fact I don't get to see my baby every day. I didn't become a reporter to get rich but there was nothing in the fine print about a vow of poverty. When I took this job, I took a pay cut because I was unemployed and needed to get some daily newspaper experience. I somehow thought things would get better. And in almost four years, it has not.

But in a way it has tried to be better. I have an awesome group of friends and coworkers here. It was here that I decided that ED wouldn't win anymore. It was here that I wanted to be me and not the woman who let ED rule her life. People know me for me. And it has been great. But I can't continue to live like this. 

I am either going to have to change career fields or move to a better paying job. I knew I wouldn't be in RR forever because I want to be closer to JJ. At seven, my son has been through a lot for a kid--parents separating, mom moving away and losing both grandmothers months apart to cancer.

Recently, he asked me if the reason I didn't visit him was because I didn't like seeing him. I told him the truth. I told him that I love him more than life itself but I don't come because I don't have the funds. Gas is expensive. I have to pay child support and other bills. 

I felt like the worst mother in the world. So I have to do something. I have been taking odd photography jobs. I have started coming into work early on my time to learn some pagination skills. JJ will be in the the second grade in the fall. I  have decided by the time he is in the third grade that either I am closer in proximity to him or he will be living with me. This means well I don't know what it means. But I have set a goal. And now I must make it happen. I am tired of being broke and missing my son.

Being a reporter is a calling. My job is to keep people informed about where their tax money is going. Also to let them know that with all the bad happening in the world there is some good. I have faith that I will continue to write but I need to start looking at the big picture. 


1. Conquering my ant problem!!

2. Finding my Snapple ice pops for the summer !!

3. Being able to know there is a future without ED.

Happy New Year!!!!

Happy New Year! I will admit that 2017 wasn't the worst year of my life but it wasn't the best. I feel like I spent the entire time ...