Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Whatever happen to good manners and being nice

It has been awhile but a lot has happened. JJ didn't come for spring break. My mother-in-law took a turn for the worst and died a few hours after I arrived last Thursday. I am exhausted. The last few days have been a whirlwind of funeral preparations and other stuff. While it was bittersweet, I did get to spend a ton of time with JJ. He is an awesome kid. I can't imagine losing two grandmothers I love months apart. He is quite a trouper. The boy is a bundle of energy and questions.

He no longer wants to be an evil scientist. He wants be a skateboarding ninja. I am glad that I have the energy to run around with him.  Someday, he will come to RR but I am  not going to stress about it. After what I have seen in the past few days, I am happy to be able to spend some time with him.

When my mother died in September, I was painfully thin. I weigh about 95 pounds. I now weigh 145 pounds. It is a noticeable difference because I went from a size 0 to a size 6. A lot of people including my brother haven't seen me since Christmas. I look healthy and because a  lot of the weight went to my stomach, I look about two months pregnant. I am exercising to tone up but for the most part was comfortable with everything. Then I went home.

I can't tell you how many times I was asked if I was pregnant or when was the baby due. And my brother informed me that I had let myself go. Whatever happen to manners. Those comments were hurtful. And I let these people know that you don't say those things to anyone especially someone recovering from an eating disorder. I will admit to skipping a meal here and there because I didn't feel like being watched. In my mind, I feel like I am ginormous. In reality, I know I am not and still have a ways to go in my recovery. This is why I don't like to leave RR. I like my world here where people are little more respectful.

So between the death of a really cool lady, missing my son and being called fat (Yes, someone said I had gotten fat in RR) and jumping back into work head first, I am a little frazzled. I just  needed to vent. It is moments like this that I really miss my mother. She would know what to say. Plus, she would smack my brother into next week.

Daily Dose

1. Orange soda soothes the frazzled silly girl!

2. Finding some kick ass boots on my desk from a co-worker.

3. Spending tons of time with JJ.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Odds and ends from being busy

The last few days have been exhausting. On Saturday, I covered a triathlon. I am not a sportswriter but managed to fake it very well. The only downside, it was cold and windy. I admire people who have a passion for something. Even if that something is a swimming 300 yards, biking 14.8 miles and running 3 miles. Despite the cold, I got a good story and some really great photos.

I found this door in my roamings. Ms. Reid would approve.
Thanks to my job, I have been able to experience and meet so many different people. On Sunday, I got to meet and interview Aunt Viv of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. She not only lives near here but is a photographer. Her Doors collection featured doors from Africa, Spain and Italy. They were so beautiful. And she was amazing and so down-to-earth. We had a 15-minute interview.

I am not a plant person but I had a chance to go to this organic nursery and learn some new things. Also I got take some cool pictures of the things I learned about.

I am not sure what kind of flower this is but I love it.

They look like candy corns. I love candy corn.



These look like little fuzzy caterpillars.


As much as I enjoyed the event, it meant that I wasn't able to go home and see JJ. For the next few days, when I am not working, I will be working on the apartment. I can't wait until he arrives.

This is so true!
Last night, I gave the bathroom a real good cleaning. I realize something. I shed hair like a dog. If I ever decided to kill someone, which I wouldn't, but if I did, I would be caught. The bathroom is pristine. I vacuumed the living room and straightened up in there. It looks like something out of a magazine. I have washed and put away all of the dishes. Next up is my bedroom and the mountain of laundry that needs to be put away. The spare room is a work in progress and will not be done. So my son will not be going in there. We will be camping out in the living room. He is a camping phase.


Daily Dose

1. Having a day off and doing something instead of sleeping all day

2. Only 6 more days until JJ arrives!!!!

3. Meeting Daphne Maxwell Reid

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Shake it off and keep going

 In life, you have to have perspective on things. If you don't, it will drive you mad. For the first time in my life, I will not get a tax refund check. Instead, I owe the government almost $1,500. I don't feel too bad, my mother owes the government $400. (And yes, my brother and I had to pay it.) I am in a pretty good place right now physically and mentally. I will set up a payment plan with the IRS and go on with my life. There is no point in dwelling on it or wallowing. Plus, the last folks I want bothering me is the IRS.

It is that time of year again--Spring Cleaning. For me, it is even more special! My son will be coming to visit April 20-24. Hopefully, if all goes well. I am so excited but slightly stressed. I haven't unpacked or cleaned like I should have because I have either been tired, sick or working. I work too much. I need to get a life.

The living room looks presentable and has been dusted. The kitchen is very clean also. Next is my bedroom and the spare room with all the boxes.

But JJ is coming and I can't wait for him to see RR. I plan to take him to this cool bird place with tons of birds, visit the parks, meet my friends and just hang with him. I am so excited I could pop. All of this is tentative because my mother-in-law is still dying. And I am cool with this. But it took a two hour conversation with his dad to get a date. I am trying to be the understanding one. I know what it is like when  your mother is in the final stages of life and you feel so helpless.

Eventually, I would like for JJ to live with me. I know with my ED, work schedule and other issues that his dad  would not want this. But his dad was close with his grandmother and never got over her death. I don't think he is going to be okay when his mother dies. This is going to devasated  him and his brothers and sisters. I know because some days I am barely hanging on by my fingertips.

Currently, I am a good place.  I am facing my ED issues head on. Last night, I went to Olive Garden with some friends instead of crashing on the couch and watching Criminal Minds. I had a good time. Even though, this is not my usual group of friends. I handled eating very well along with the whole socializing thing. I had the Chicken Herb Cheese Soffatelli . It was awesome. Then we went to Target--the best place on earth. We don't have one in RR so it is a treat to go one. Overall, I am doing okay and feel okay. And you know, it's  okay.

Daily Dose

1. Chicken Herb Cheese Soffatelli from Olive Garden

2. My son is coming to visit me soon!

3. Target is AWESOME!!!!

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have...