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So close but no release

My mom was thisclose to being released today. They are having trouble with getting her pain management under control. I knew this would happen. But my brother didn't want to listen to me. I am just a Godless heathen, who wants her mother dead. Sorry--I needed to get that out of my system. I think my mother is finally starting to accept the magnitude of the situation.

Yesterday afternoon was awful. They were weaning her off of the pain medication pump and IV meds. And had went back to the slow release morphine and some other short-term meds. She ended up in a lot of pain. My brother, being the lovely person he is, was antsy and ready to leave. He drove 30 minutes to deliver some paperwork and wanted to stay 15 minutes. My mom wanted him to stay longer. "I'm tired. I need to go to Wal-Mart."Whine, whine and more whine. It never comes up about me being tired after working 10 hours and driving five and half hours. This is the reality of the situation--things are getting worse. A new game plan is needed. No one wants to listen to me so I am leaving Sunday. I will make the three musketeers (my dad, my aunt and my brother) are ready to step in. She will probably not be released until Tuesday.

I hope I don't come off cold and uncaring. I have tried so hard to tell the three musketeers that she can't go back to just pain pills. The time for that has come and go. I don't want her to be in pain. She needs to be comfortable. Her doctor has stressed this since she was wheeled through these doors 27 days ago.

With all these emotions, there was really only person I could talk to that understood what I was feeling--my husband, who I am separated from. In addition to sharing a beautiful son, we both have mothers who are dying of cancer. Right now, his mother has pneumonia. Months ago, she chose to forgo any life prolonging measures. So we are on the same journey but on different parts of the road. The conversation helped me a lot.

Daily Dose
1. Had breakfast, lunch and dinner today along with three Boosts and a Nutrigrain bar. The hospital switch from Ensure to Boost. My mom hates Boost.

2. The pain management process was so much better this evening.

3. Before I hit the road for RR, I will visit my son. His hugs and kisses are the best medicine.


  1. Sorry to hear about your mom's pain. It must be hard to see her like that. I Hope your family can get it together and work in your mom's best interest soon. The time is now.

  2. I hope we can too. This is too much for one person to shoulder.

  3. I am sorry to hear your mum isn't doing so well. I hope that you are okay. This is huge and you shouldn't have to go about this alone. I'm thinking of you, I really wish the best for you and your mum.

  4. My best wishes and good hope are with you as always Sg.

  5. I am so sorry your mom's in pain. You don't sound cold or uncaring about the situation. You are just trying to get what's best for you mom. I'm glad you can talk to your husband, even if it's about such a sad subject. Hang in there. I'm sure seeing JJ will help :)


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