Yesterday afternoon was awful. They were weaning her off of the pain medication pump and IV meds. And had went back to the slow release morphine and some other short-term meds. She ended up in a lot of pain. My brother, being the lovely person he is, was antsy and ready to leave. He drove 30 minutes to deliver some paperwork and wanted to stay 15 minutes. My mom wanted him to stay longer. "I'm tired. I need to go to Wal-Mart."Whine, whine and more whine. It never comes up about me being tired after working 10 hours and driving five and half hours. This is the reality of the situation--things are getting worse. A new game plan is needed. No one wants to listen to me so I am leaving Sunday. I will make the three musketeers (my dad, my aunt and my brother) are ready to step in. She will probably not be released until Tuesday.
I hope I don't come off cold and uncaring. I have tried so hard to tell the three musketeers that she can't go back to just pain pills. The time for that has come and go. I don't want her to be in pain. She needs to be comfortable. Her doctor has stressed this since she was wheeled through these doors 27 days ago.
With all these emotions, there was really only person I could talk to that understood what I was feeling--my husband, who I am separated from. In addition to sharing a beautiful son, we both have mothers who are dying of cancer. Right now, his mother has pneumonia. Months ago, she chose to forgo any life prolonging measures. So we are on the same journey but on different parts of the road. The conversation helped me a lot.
2. The pain management process was so much better this evening.
3. Before I hit the road for RR, I will visit my son. His hugs and kisses are the best medicine.