Skip to main content

So close but no release

My mom was thisclose to being released today. They are having trouble with getting her pain management under control. I knew this would happen. But my brother didn't want to listen to me. I am just a Godless heathen, who wants her mother dead. Sorry--I needed to get that out of my system. I think my mother is finally starting to accept the magnitude of the situation.

Yesterday afternoon was awful. They were weaning her off of the pain medication pump and IV meds. And had went back to the slow release morphine and some other short-term meds. She ended up in a lot of pain. My brother, being the lovely person he is, was antsy and ready to leave. He drove 30 minutes to deliver some paperwork and wanted to stay 15 minutes. My mom wanted him to stay longer. "I'm tired. I need to go to Wal-Mart."Whine, whine and more whine. It never comes up about me being tired after working 10 hours and driving five and half hours. This is the reality of the situation--things are getting worse. A new game plan is needed. No one wants to listen to me so I am leaving Sunday. I will make the three musketeers (my dad, my aunt and my brother) are ready to step in. She will probably not be released until Tuesday.

I hope I don't come off cold and uncaring. I have tried so hard to tell the three musketeers that she can't go back to just pain pills. The time for that has come and go. I don't want her to be in pain. She needs to be comfortable. Her doctor has stressed this since she was wheeled through these doors 27 days ago.

With all these emotions, there was really only person I could talk to that understood what I was feeling--my husband, who I am separated from. In addition to sharing a beautiful son, we both have mothers who are dying of cancer. Right now, his mother has pneumonia. Months ago, she chose to forgo any life prolonging measures. So we are on the same journey but on different parts of the road. The conversation helped me a lot.

Daily Dose
1. Had breakfast, lunch and dinner today along with three Boosts and a Nutrigrain bar. The hospital switch from Ensure to Boost. My mom hates Boost.

2. The pain management process was so much better this evening.

3. Before I hit the road for RR, I will visit my son. His hugs and kisses are the best medicine.

Comments

  1. Sorry to hear about your mom's pain. It must be hard to see her like that. I Hope your family can get it together and work in your mom's best interest soon. The time is now.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope we can too. This is too much for one person to shoulder.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sorry to hear your mum isn't doing so well. I hope that you are okay. This is huge and you shouldn't have to go about this alone. I'm thinking of you, I really wish the best for you and your mum.
    *hugs*
    Sarah

    ReplyDelete
  4. My best wishes and good hope are with you as always Sg.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so sorry your mom's in pain. You don't sound cold or uncaring about the situation. You are just trying to get what's best for you mom. I'm glad you can talk to your husband, even if it's about such a sad subject. Hang in there. I'm sure seeing JJ will help :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stopping ED from gaining

One of the hardest things I had to ever do was to explain my ED to my 11-year-old son. His father had talked to him about it, which I have an issue with  because it is my story and not his. But I have tried to move beyond that.

Anyway, a few weeks I talked to him about it and explained it as best I could. I told him how he is my inspiration to stay in recovery. I know he needs his mom to be healthy to help handle growing up.
One thing I told him was that my relationship with food is not like his relationship. And there will always be a struggle for me. I take it one meal at a time.
I kept all of this in mind when I went to the doctor yesterday to ask for help. In the past three months, my appetite has disappeared. I eat because I don’t want to pass out or to be hospitalized. It hasn’t been easy. I could have let ED win when I realized what was happening. I have only lost 11 pounds. To some this is not much weight but to me it is.
The old me would have been happy about it. The recovering…

Adventures at Librari-Con with Samurai Batman

Recently, JJ and I made our second journey to the 11th annual Librari-Con at the Cumberland County Public Library in Fayetteville.  This is an annual anime/graphic novel/sci-fi mini convention that featured anime viewing, panels forums, Artist Alley, Cosplay Runway and more.
What made this event super awesome was the fact that the library was opened at the same time of the event.
For a year, JJ had talked about having a costume after not being able to wear one last year. He was a Samurai Batman.
Apparently, JJ had a growth spurt in the last few weeks so there was struggle getting him into his costume, but a little pulling, binder clips and prayer got the costume on him.

I decided to go as my favorite thing – a mother/photographer/bodyguard/book nerd wearing a Wonder Woman shirt.
JJ decided to add his own special touch to it with a trident and a Flash mask for me. I’m not sure what I was supposed to have been but I played along until lunchtime.
For the first hour, he played free video game…

Happy New Year!!!!

Happy New Year! I will admit that 2017 wasn't the worst year of my life but it wasn't the best. I feel like I spent the entire time trying to go uphill. And when I was close to the top, I would get knocked back down. Some high points were my son turned 12 and I got a cat.

Anyway, it is a new year and it is full of possibilities. I can feel in my gut that things are going to be better this year. I have set some public goals and one very private goal.

My first goal is to stop taking things so seriously. I want to enjoy life more.
This leads to my second goal, which is not to work so hard. I feel like I base my life around work. In 2017, I started saying no more and focusing on me. In 2018, I want to have  more of a work/life balance.
My third goal is to volunteer more. I don't just want to write about volunteering but to actually do it.
I will always continue to try reading more.
I want to be a better mom for my son and a better friend and family member to others.
I want to put mys…