Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Winning a huge battle against ED

I met a Stormtrooper!
I did something last week that I never dreamed in a million years I would do. I was a judge at the Taste of Duplin. Various restaurants and caterers competed to see who had the best in certain categories and I was one of the judges.
I have come a long way in my recovery. I would not have been able to do this 5 years ago. Probably, I wouldn’t have been able to three years ago. I did it and I had a good time. 
And I didn't beat myself up about or restrict. YAY ME!!!
When I was asked by my publisher to be a judge, I didn’t hesitate for a second. The only question I asked was what time did I need to be there.
I can’t describe how it feels to have a semi-normal relationship with food. I think the last time I did was when I was 12 years old.
And you know something else, I have gotten my appetite back along with my stomach actually growling when I'm hungry. I can’t remember I ever having an appetite without the help of medication.
I have truly turned a corner in my recovery. Like an alcoholic, I will never fully be okay but I am doing it one day at a time.
I would like to share with you some of the food I judged. This was the first Taste of Duplin, which showcased various restaurants and caterers in Duplin County. It took my stomach two days to recover from the amount of food that I ate.
I am not a big fan of pork loin or turnip greens. But the Tour of Duplin, which was a pork loin served on sweet potatoes and topped with turnip greens was delicious. I wouldn’t have tried it on my own but I am glad I did.

Tour of Duplin
Another dish I sampled was a black eye pea salad. It was served cold and had peas, corn and peppers in it. It was different but soooo good.
I had some spicy fried chicken on a Sweet Potato Steamed served with Sweet Pickle.
Chicken Salad from the Filling Station. I didn’t know they made chicken salad. The Filling Station has an amazing menu but the only thing I order is a Grilled Cheese and crinkle cut French fries. I guess now I have a second thing to order.
The Barbecue Sliders from the Mad Boar Restaurant were amazing. They were served with macaroni and cheese.
I had a pimento cheese crostini from Southern Exposure Restaurant. Actually, I had several once the event started.

The Chicken Teriyaki from Tokyo Sunrise was delicious. And since the restaurant is right down the street from my office, I will probably go there more often.

I tried my first Ladyfinger from Ezzell’s Delightful Designs. It was delightful.
My favorite thing was Tabatha’s Cheesecake from the Bistro at Duplin Winery. It was a cheesecake bite. It was heavenly and smelled in my mouth.
The whole afternoon was like this with me trying menu items that were way out of my comfort zone.
This is one reason that I love my job so much. I get to try and experience many things that most people don’t have a chance. I feel so blessed to have these opportunities. Plus, I got to sample these peanut butter chocolate cupcakes that are out-of-this world.
Overall, I had a good time. My fellow judges were seasoned folks, who know their way around a plate. I was just a novice, who appreciated being invited to the foodie dance.
I have turned a corner in my recovery. I am so happy I could do a little dance. Instead, I'm going for ice cream!

1. Making great strides against ED!
2. Riding my first ferry! (A story for another post!)
3. Attending a party and being semi-sociable!

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Taming the raging beast

The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Honestly, I have been a low-simmering bitch. It started when I realized that I would not be able to afford to go see my son during my vacation. I just didn't have the money. And with this, the second guessing started. Should I have left the awesome money I was making at the IM to take a paycut at the DT. Is this how life will be? Will I always struggle this much? 

Which blossomed into why do I work so hard? Is it all for nothing? Questions and anger fueled me going into my four-day vacation. In fact, I was so angry that I pulled over in a vacant lot and had a good long soul shaking cry. And on the first day of vacation, I was exhausted from thinking so much. My options were to stay home and cry on the couch or head to RR. My bestie invited me to her place so I could rest and think without pressure. 

I still don't have many answers but I'm just going to trust God. From the moment I returned to Pickle Land, I felt like I was suppose to be here. Why? I have no idea but it just feels right.
So I don't know why but I do know that the bitchiness must stop. I may not have what I want but I have much to be thankful for. I have an amazing child. I do what I love. I have the cutest little apartment. And most importantly, I am healthy. I am not exhausted from ED. 
Basically, this is my pep talk to myself. To quote Cordelia Chase from the When She Was Bad episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer:

Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: I can hold my own. You know, we've never really been close, which is nice, 'cause I don't really like you that much, but... you have on occasion saved the world and stuff, so I'm gonna... do you a favor.
Buffy: And this great favor is...
Cordelia: I'm gonna give you some advice. Get over it.
Buffy: Excuse me?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.

So I will deal with it and figure out how to make things better. Everything happens for a reason. 

Daily Dose
1. Being alive!
2. Spring is here!
3. People who bring leftover Easter candy to work!

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