NotesFromtheVoices

  I met a Stormtrooper! I did something last week that I never dreamed in a million years I would do. I was a judge at the Taste of Duplin. Various restaurants and caterers competed to see who had the best in certain categories and I was one of the judges. I have come a long way in my recovery. I would not have been able to do this 5 years ago. Probably, I wouldn’t have been able to three years ago. I did it and I had a good time.  And I didn't beat myself up about or restrict. YAY ME!!! When I was asked by my publisher to be a judge, I didn’t hesitate for a second. The only question I asked was what time did I need to be there. I can’t describe how it feels to have a semi-normal relationship with food. I think the last time I did was when I was 12 years old. And you know something else, I have gotten my appetite back along with my stomach actually growling when I'm hungry. I can’t remember I ever having an appetite without the help of medication. ...

The last few days have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Honestly, I have been a low-simmering bitch. It started when I realized that I would not be able to afford to go see my son during my vacation. I just didn't have the money. And with this, the second guessing started. Should I have left the awesome money I was making at the IM to take a paycut at the DT. Is this how life will be? Will I always struggle this much?  Which blossomed into why do I work so hard? Is it all for nothing? Questions and anger fueled me going into my four-day vacation. In fact, I was so angry that I pulled over in a vacant lot and had a good long soul shaking cry. And on the first day of vacation, I was exhausted from thinking so much. My options were to stay home and cry on the couch or head to RR. My bestie invited me to her place so I could rest and think without pressure.  I still don't have many answers but I'm just going to trust God. From the moment I returned to Pickle Land, I...