Thursday, January 23, 2014

Snow Day

I will admit yesterday at this time (12:30), I was just coming back inside from "skating" on the ice in my driveway and making a snowperson on my back deck.

Taking a picture of the snow!

For the first time in 10 years, I had a SNOW DAY!! A snow day is very rare for a reporter but I had one because I live 30 minutes, 20 miles and in another state from the  newspaper where I now work. It was an amazing day.

I woke up after sleeping in until 10 a.m. I made some chili using ground chicken. Then I bundled up and went outside to fulfill a promise to my son. He didn't get any snow in South Carolina. I promised him I wouldn't squander my snow day by spending it on the couch watching tv.
So I played by myself by “skating” on my frozen solid driveaway. 

My sad looking snow person!

Then I made a snowperson using objects from around the house.

The chili was good!

Once inside, I had a bowl of my chili, which turned out pretty good and a cup of homemade hot chocolate topped with gingerbread marshmallows. My best friend made the mix and gave it to me for Christmas.

While eating and drinking, I watched two episodes of Grey’s Anatomy on Lifetime. After a nap, I put away laundry and vacuumed. It wasn’t the most exciting day but it was nice.

I finished my day with an all new episode of Criminal Minds.

After coming into work a hour late today because of the roads, I am back at my desk. No matter how old we are, we need a snow day to recharge ourselves.

1. Feeling refreshed after a SNOW DAY!!
2. I am so glad we got snow! 
3. Homemade hot chocolate is awesome!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Being more social (January edition)

I can be honest and say that I am pretty much a part-time recluse. I work and I go home. I am perfectly content to be home reading, watching tv and crafting.

To be social, I will hang out with my best friend at her house on the Lake. 

I decided in 2014 that I would make a sincere effort to get outside of the house at least once a month. I figure I should start small.

Last week was  my socializing for the month of January. On Saturday night, I volunteered to be the reporter/photographer at the Kellie Pickler concert. 

I got all dressed up and off to my first country music concert I went.

I had a good time. I had conversations with folks around as a reporter and just as a person. I danced to Pickler’s music and took some pretty awesome photos.

I actually stayed out to 11:30 p.m. Normally, I stay up late around the house but outside the house, I am in by 9 p.m.

After getting a few hours of sleep, I got up early on Sunday and drove to Pickleland to visit three old friends. I felt like I was in the Thanksgiving episode of Will and Grace where they had the egg timer set to visit each of their family members. I had a great time seeing everyone but realized it needed to be a leisurely weekend visit.

I got home about 7 p.m. I was happy but exhausted. Being sociable is hard work. My best friend wants to be part of my “be more social” exercise. She has asked me to select an event for both of us in February.

I’m thinking maybe we should get dressed  up and go dancing at the Chattahoochee Country Club. It would definitely be an interesting night because we are both at the age where we are catnip for older men. How I discovered this is a story for another time.

1. It is suppose to know this evening. I so need a snow day.
2. Making homemade chili!
3. Looking forward to vegging!

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Choosing to live and not restrict

I came to a realization while talking to my best friend over the weekend.

For weeks, I have struggled with ED and some body image issues. It was a combination of a lot of change in my life and being without insurance and medications.

I realized while talking to her that there has been a shift in my relationship with food and cooking. I have been choosing to eat as priority over other things in my life. In the past everything else came first. If there was a story to write, I would write it and then go find lunch. If someone needed something, I would do it before eating.

Cooking has always been a part of my life. My grandmother taught me to cook when I was 10 years old. Before I was 12, I knew how to bake a whole chicken (and kill it before hand), make dumplings, red beans and rice and buttermilk biscuits. Well, three out of four because my biscuits can double as weapons. 

When my ED developed fully, my love of cooking was the first thing to go. As a child, I have created my own cookbook of recipes. As  ED took over, the cookbook fell to the wayside. It got to the point that I couldn't look at a cookbook without panicking.

In the past year or so, I have noticed the love has been coming back. I am cooking things from scratch a little more. I mean I still buy the Stouffer and Marie Callendar meals but I am cooking more. My latest kick has been making mini chicken pot pies and the perfect pot of chicken and rice.

But the big moment came recently when I had put some money aside to go to a new flea market in RR. I went to it and found nothing interesting. Instead of using the money to buy magazines or a new pen, I used some of it to purchase ingredients to make a nice dinner for myself.
I didn’t realize as I was baking tilapia with garlic butter, having salad and eating cupcakes that I had made a decision without thinking about it. 

I chose to eat. I chose not restrict but to eat. This is huge because there have been days that eating one meal was a big accomplishment for me. And slowly, my appetite is starting to come back. It's not huge but I have a small appetite. I haven't had an appetite since I was teenager.

Recovery has not been easy for me. It has been a process to adjust to seeing my body change. There are still days that I burst into tears when I see myself in the mirror. Thankfully, those days don't happen regularly. 

I no longer cringe when I go to the grocery. In the past, it as frantic 10  minute race to get what I needed and get out. Lately, I have spent and hour in the store picking out ingredients and looking at labels. 

I am starting to experiment with recipes. My favorite is white chicken chili. It started out as just regular chili but one day I decided to add chicken to it. I love it and my co-workers love the leftovers. 

I have done the same with fish. Instead of always just frying it, I have baked it and grilled it. However, I still can't bring myself to make fish tacos or fish stew. There are lines that shouldn't be crossed.

I am happy that my relationship with food has changed. Instead of it being love/hate with emphasis on hate, I am more open minded. I find myself sometimes in the kitchen pretending to be Rachel Ray while cooking.

I still have a long way to go. I will never be fully recovered and I accept that. Just like an alcoholic can't have just one drink, I have to be vigilant about eating. I can't say I'll eat in a few minutes. If it is time for lunch, it is time to eat.

One of my favorite moments in the kitchen is with my son. We baked his cake for his seventh birthday. I taught him how to make sliders. He loves those little burgers. One day, the goal is for us to do a small family dinner. We'll keep working on it.

1. After a lot of rain, the sun is finally out!
2. In the few days, I will be covering the Kellie Pickler!
3. Just happy to healthy! 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Thoughts from a couch in RR

Here are some of the many thoughts that have ran through my head during the last few days.

I like to be warm. This is why I chose to live in North Carolina. Winter is winter and summer is summer. But the last few days have been rough. On Tuesday, it was 20 degrees outside. I am 40 years old and can’t remember the last time it was so cold. Things are back to normal at 37 degrees. There is a big difference between 37 and 20. I have been the last few things being warm and nesting inside my apartment.

Downtown Abbey has returned. I was so happy that I could barely contain myself. It is in my top five of must watch shows.

The computers at my job are bit antiquated but I am able to listen to iheartradio. Thanks to the site, I have discovered a lot of songs I wouldn't have heard.

I am doing a phone interview with Kellie Pickler in the morning.

I have a massive amount of writing pens. I went through them and filled a bag full of them. Now, I am going to be the pen fairy. I will giveway good pens to nice people.

I am trying to read at least one book a month. 

In 2014, I promise myself that...
  • I will have some articles published in a magazine.                                            
The ground work has been laid. I just need to do it.
  •  Instead of constantly complaining about the issues at my current job, I will be part of the solution to help make things better.                                            
I have some ideas to increase circulation and community trust. 
  • I will be more sociable.                                                                                            
Instead of rushing home to watch reruns of Criminal Minds, I will become more involved with others and the community.
  •  I will try one new thing each month.                                                                             
I will try a new activity, meet a new person or learn something new.
  • I will go on an overnight road trip with my son.                                                      
I want us to have an adventure this year.
  • I will come up with a plan to fix my teeth.                                                                   
I am tired of having bad teeth and not being able to smile. I think this is part of the reason I am so anti-social.
  • I will make sure friends and family get copies of the photos I have of them from their younger days.                                                                                                     
I have a huge box full of photos. They need to see the light of day.
  • I will continue to work on my relationship with God.
I made some great strides in 2013 but I want to do better in 2014.
  • I want to write more.
For years, there has been a story in my head. I think it’s time for it to be read. 
  • I will go through the clutter in the spare bedroom and apartment.
I want to be more organized in my life.
  • I want to get my finances in order.
I want to be able to do more for my son 
  • I will continue to work toward an ED-free life.
I am not completely recovered. I still have bad body image days and still occasionally restrict. There is still work to be done and I am not giving up.

With this list, I don’t think I will be spending as much time on the couch as I did in 2013.

1. Buying a pair of fleece lined tights. They are the best item ever for cold weather.

2. Finding the book I have wanted at a consignment store I frequent.

3. Making the perfect batch of chicken and rice.

Happy New Year!!!!

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